May 5, 2011

Chapter Twelve

HI ROUGHIANS!!!!!! Won't take up a lot of your time. I know you're not here for me. Just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who has been so wickedly supportive through the whole 'FF Boot' fiasco! I can't be too pissed. I did violate their ratings guideline. I violated it hard. *Kanye shrug* Not gonna pretend I didn't. So, water under the bridge is what that is. 

I think we all know I don't own Twilight. For if I did, it would have a brown paper bag wrapped around it on the store shelves and Rob's nuditay would be yesterday's news. Right, FF?

Chapter 12
Five years later.............


"So I was thinking that we'd line the gazebo in white lights. I'd like to see it completely lit up...the focal point. Maybe even get a fountain out here."

I glance down and jot the details onto my notepad as I speak.

Propping my sunglasses on top of my head, I point to the back of the main building.

"I'd also like to place some seating throughout the second story balcony. Maybe some pub tables. Bar height. Did you have a color in mind for linens?"

Turning back toward Mrs. Everson, Crestfield Academy's headmistress, I begin scanning color palettes in my mind, readying myself to make a suggestion.

The woman wrangles hormone-riddled teenagers for a living and is wearing one of those God awful Christmas sweaters with half of a craft store glued to the front. I highly doubt she cares what color tablecloths the inevitably spiked punch spills on.

It's only Monday and she looks exhausted.

"Oh, no. No, I'll leave that for you to decide."


I smile politely and gesture for her to follow me back into the ballroom of the club.

"Okay, well I think that's all I'll need for today. I'll put everything together and get some figures to you so you have an idea of cost. I'll have someone call you to schedule a meeting and go over it. Did you have any questions for me?"

"No, Ms. Swan. Thank you very much. Everything sounds lovely."

I give her the requisite 'charming' smile.

"Alright, then, Mrs. Everson. I look forward to meeting with you next week."


I'm sitting at my desk and thumbing through the contract for the Preston/Williams wedding when I hear a knock at the door.

"Come in."

The door opens and the smile on my face is the first honest one today.

"Hello, Kate."

She comes in, not bothering to close the door behind her, and places a paper bag on the desk in front of me.

"You haven't left your office since you got back from your meeting with Mrs. Everson. Figured you might be hungry. Chicken, portobello and pepper on a spinach wrap. With ranch. You're welcome."

I don't get a word in. Not that I try. She knows by know that I'm not good at these things.

She turns and leaves as quickly as she arrives, grabbing the doorknob as she goes and speaking with her back to me and a smile in her words.

"Don't forget the staff meeting. It starts in-"

"Twenty minutes."

And just before the door closes..."Atta girl."

After I eat, I have some time to kill before the meeting.

I glance around my office.

At the leather furniture and coffee table arranged beneath the large window that overlooks the streets of downtown Seattle.

At the table that runs along the opposite wall. It's covered with fabric swatches and paperwork. Planning guides and sample invites. All of the things that comprise what I do.

Who I am now.

I look up at my framed diploma from the University of Washington.

It's kind of bewildering, really.

That simple, white 8" x 10" piece of paper is what the fuss was all about.

It hangs there on the wall...the representation of years of effort.

A symbol of an accomplishment that I fought hard and long to call my own.

And yet sitting behind this sleek desk...

In this spacious, beautifully decorated office...

Behind a door emblazoned with my name...

When I close my eyes, all I can think is...

Is this it?


Just before sunset, I pull into the drive of my house and grab the paper off the porch before unlocking the door.

Beat the paper boy to work this morning. Again.

Lifting the flap on the mailbox next to the front door, I scoop the mail out and tuck it under my arm with the paper as I push through the door, closing and locking it behind me.

I walk through the living room and down the hall. I climb the stairs, turning lights on as I go.

In my bedroom, I set the paper and stack of mail on my bed and turn to my dresser, taking out a pair of yoga pants and tank top.

I carry them into my walk-in closet, where I shed my clothes.

My three inch heels.

My cinched blazer.

My fitted knee-length pencil skirt and skinny belt.

My collared button up.

My daily costume takes its leave and is replaced with stretchy spandex and soft cotton.

My bare feet sink into the carpet as I swipe a ponytail holder off of the doorknob and head back downstairs and into the kitchen.

The smooth cherrywood cabinets and uncluttered marbled countertops are the same as when I'd left.



With my hair piled on top of my head and a freshly poured glass of wine, I double check that the doors are locked and turn all of the lights out.

I create a path of darkness behind me as I go. The only light that remains is the lamp on my bedside table.

I settle into my spot on the window seat with the stack of mail and set my glass to the side as I skim the pile.







Notification of the million dollar check that's 'just waiting for me to claim it'.

Pushing it all aside, I turn and pull the sliding locks on the double casement windows and pull them open all the way, settling back into my spot and leaning against one side.

I pull my feet up and stretch them across the window seat as I feel the night breeze invade my senses. I inhale deeply and close my eyes.

The sounds are the same ones that always greet me.

The crickets, the wind rustling the trees, a dog barking in the distance.

I tilt my head back before I open my eyes.

The stars. So bright. So clear in the sky. Not a cloud in sight.

Lake Union sits only a couple of miles south. There aren't any buildings or trees crowding the area.

The view from this very window is the reason I signed the lease.

The fact that it was simple helped too. No muss, no fuss. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms.

More than one person could need, really.

It's modest, yet comfortable. Certainly nicer than anything I had growing up.

There are groceries in the cupboards and refrigerator.

There are linens and toiletries filling up the cabinets and drawers of the bathroom.

There are rows of clothes and shoes in the closet.

Drawers full as well.

There's a car in the driveway and money in my bank account.

I have a job that I'm good at. That I earned.

I'm lucky.

I'm doing fantastic.

I made it.

I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Where I always wanted to be.

Living the life I fought to have.

Being the person I was always meant to be.

And that's all that matters

Nothing else should.

Especially not the tiny, barely discernible question that lingers in the back of my mind.

Is this it?


Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday.

They pass as they always have.

Clients, consultations and site planning.

Staff meetings, paperwork and presentations.

Today, Saturday, I have a client's wedding to attend. Over the past few years, I'd perfected my execution of attendance. I attend the ceremony itself, congratulating the newlyweds on their nuptials and wishing them well. I generally don't see the client much after our working relationship ends, so I don't feel badly about pardoning myself with one excuse or another. It's their day. And as much enjoyment I get from helping to make it happen for them, the one thing I've never quite mastered is how much my presence feels like an infringement.

Kate has never pushed for an explanation. And I don't think she knows for sure that there is one. Her main concern is that I'm present and engaging when it comes to my job, which I am. I enjoy what I do and I make a good living.

Just before graduation, Kate offered me a position with Windsor Events. I was hesitant at first, not sure if event planning was for me. But it was a start. A foot in the door. And I was truly grateful for the opportunity.

I found my niche in the business side of things. I'd take hours behind a desk planning and budgeting an event over consulting any day. But it's what was expected of me.

I was in the real world. I had to grow up and learn how to deal.

Or fake it until I could.

When you forge a smile and a laugh for so long, it becomes habit.

A switch.

I turn it on when it's needed. And it turns itself off when it's just me.



It's early Sunday morning.

The sun has only been up for minutes.

It spreads across the grass and leaves, causing the dew that clings to them to shine in my periphery as I run.

A full eight hours of sleep is a concept that's completely lost on me. Functioning on less had been pretty deeply ingrained into me by the time it wasn't necessary anymore.

After several weeks of wandering around in the early morning hours, I'd run out of menial tasks. The house had been cleaned and organized to perfection. And then one morning I glanced out the kitchen window and saw a woman jogging down the street, and thought why not?

I'd worked myself up to two miles a day.

The pounding of my feet on the sidewalk and the music playing through my headphones comfort me.

They're familiar and distracting.

They drown out the thoughts I'm trying not to acknowledge.

I concentrate on my pace and breathing.

On the route I'm taking around the lake today.

I do a mental run through of this weeks appointments at work.

And it's all only effective for about half of a mile.

Damn it, Bella, push it down.

I pick up my pace as I feel frustration course through me.

Knock it off. Everything is fine. You're where you should be.

I chant the words silently to myself.

This is what you worked for. This is who you wanted to be.

The burn in my legs intensifies as I push myself harder.

You're not that girl anymore.

You got out.

You moved on.

You made it.

I feel myself begin to sweat harder...down my back, over my temples.

You haven't been that girl for five years.

This is who you are now.

You left that girl behind the night you ran away from the Cullen house.

The night you ran away from him...

My throat begins to burn as my breathing grows harsher.

As hard as I try to fight it, the incessant nagging persists. It lingers above me, tainting every free thought.

Is this it?

Is this all?

Isn't there more?

Why do I feel this way?


Stalled out?

Shouldn't there be more?

What more could I possibly do?

Hadn't I slaved for long enough?

Didn't I earn the right to it?

The normalcy?

The full, happy life?

The contentment?

Why does everything have to be this fucking hard?

And why, no matter how many times I tell myself otherwise, do I still feel like that girl?

By the end of my run, I've done what I do best.

I've stamped it all back down.

For now.

I jog up my porch steps and pull the house key from my shoe. I toss my iPod on the sofa and make a beeline for the kitchen, where I down a large glass of water and head upstairs for a shower.

Thirty minutes later and I'm stretched across the sofa, huddled under a throw...all wet hair and rubbery limbs.

It's my usual Sunday routine.

Daily run.


Watch a movie.

Order take out.

And...wait for Monday.

With the food due to arrive within the hour, it's all about movie selection.

Decisions, decisions.

Romantic comedy with bottle blonde and token hot shirtless guy...

Suspenseful thriller complete with cop and mystery and leading lady...

Foreign indie flick that people only watch for nude scenes...

Dreary documentary to lull me to sleep...

Just as I decide on the thriller, I startle at the sound of the doorbell.

I toss the throw aside, grab my wallet off of the coffee table and finger through it for a twenty. And when I throw the door open...I lose track of every thought I've had today.

Possibly the last week's worth.

Because standing on my porch...on a quiet Sunday afternoon...on my quaint little suburban very far from the very places we used to haunt... Edward.

His profile is unmistakable.

He's standing with his back to me, one hand on his hip and the other shoved into and tugging at his hair.

His...unruly hair.

Not the contained chaos I remember. But actually....disheveled.

His head is bowed down as he toes the porch.

I scan his body.


White thermal shirt.

Black chucks.

What the fuck?

My inventory takes mere seconds.

And then he's turning.

His face...that face.

There's a slight five o'clock shadow along his jaw.

He has sunglasses on but quickly whips them off when he realizes I'm standing there.

I think that maybe time has stopped...or at least slowed.

My hands begin to sweat and I'm not sure that moving would be a wise move right now. I feel like my heart is about to jump out through my throat.

Also, it's entirely possible that I'm not blinking.

The hand that was just raking through his hair is now cupped around and rubbing the back of his neck.

Looking down at the porch, he shuffles his feet and clears his throat.

I've yet to move, but the sound of it causes me to jump slightly.

He he...nervous?

I'm seeing him. I'm looking at him. But none of it is computing.

It's not just the shock of seeing him after...all this time.

It's the distortion of every detail I was once familiar with.

There's so little that remains the same.

So much has changed.

Maybe I should say something?

I can't even fathom what combination of words would be appropriate right now.

He beats me to it.

"Hello, Isabella."

My breathing stops completely.

My eyes snap up to meet his.

Brown to blue.

And then a thought barrels through my mind.

The words crash into me with a staggering impact.

They're the only words I can decipher in the haze that I find myself lost in.

And just like all of those years body knows its place.

I comply without hesitation.

Eyes down.


Simon said...

So worth the wait Jada, I just love your writing style, I feel like I am there with her, feeling what she is feeling! It is nice to see her successful, but unnerving to see her discontent. (You probably guess I am very fond of your Bella, and let me tell you, I don't get fond of Bellas as a rule).

I just can't wait to see why he is there to see her.. my mind is buzzing!!

I love love loved it! Thank you so much.. AllyVera oxo

ThatGirlTasha said...

Oooh-does he need a job? Poor Edward, been obsessing for years, I think.

Cullenboyz said...

I so very completely and totally did not see that coming. Damn!
My toes are curled, I'm tense, and FUCK IT ALL if it isn't too damn bad, because there's nothing to do but wait. GAH FUCK ALL DAMN!
WTF and how and when did he and how and etc.?!
*heavy sigh*
Off to wait..............
You rock, bb...but then you know that. :)
xo, Cullenboyz said...
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Cote de Texas said...

eyes down? whoa. so absolutely NOT where I thought this was going. at all. wow. need to digest this. not eve sure what to say (like bella!) or think. this has thrown me for a loop. looking forward to see what will happen. i suspect he will be cured now, but is back for the sex.

Joy said...

Fuck. So good... don't keep us hanging long; I don't think I can bear it.


Anonymous said...

dun dun dun, what E possibly want?... and after 5 years. maybe he's in some sort of program and he must make peace with those wronged by him? :P
please update soon

Jesica said...

Oh, it's good, so good! But I can't take a cliffhanger after waiting so long, I'm going crazy here :S

Sheviking said...

GAH! What a cliffie! My money is on him being in some kind of program, too. Making amends and all that. He knows that he treated her like shit but I wonder how he will react to her immediate surrender. Will he feel even worse or revert back into his dominant role? Can't wait to see what you have planned!

lily81 said...

Definitely one of the twelve steps...I kept picturing her slamming the door against him...eyes down was a surprise, which is why ur writing the story and I'm not...can't wait for thirteen ...!

Jasmin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
byrd009 said...

Akjgjgfkhjgjl!! I can't even...

Totally worth the wait! So not where I thought it was going! Which is a good thing!

As soon as I read 5 years passed, I thought WTF?! But I gave it a chance, because I knew you were going to take us for a ride!

I don't believe Edward is in a 12 step program or is there because he's cured.

What is there to cure? I see no problem? LOL!

Great job and I can't wait for the next chapter!



MarchHare5 said...

Fuuuuuck. That was... intense. Just as intense as every other chapter of this insane ride.

Five years. Damn. And still after all that time...

Can't wait for the next update. Get writing!

Julika said...

Jada, did an amazing job with this chapter!! I't wasn't what I was expecting but it was a pleasant surprise. I definitely did not expect to see Edward at the end of the chapter, such a clifie, I can't wait to see what happens next chapter. I love your writing style...please please update!! =)

ale said...

That ending was mindblowing for how awesome it was. Really, genious!

Do you happen to have a facebook page where I can friendly stalk you? This blog business doesn't work so well for me, sadly.

nadia said...

OMG... DAMN IT with the cliffie!! I waited and waited and waited...and I get another cliffie! gah!!

My money's on him being in some kind of 12-step program, making amends w/ppl he's hurt, etc. Sex may not actually be his priority since it seems it might be a sex addiction he's fighting. They'll actually get to know each other in a different way now. Interesting to see where this is all headed... Didn't expect the flash-forward AT ALL. good one.

Maria said...

Oh no!!! Five years - it's such a huge time span to jump. I wish you'd jump one or two years only.

Anyhow I trust you and I love this depressed Bella. I can relate to her for some reason.

Charmie said...

So she has missed him. In the back of her mind it seems there has always been something missing. What's interesting to me is it seems he has missed HER ;)

So 5 years later...that is definitely interesting and engaging. Did NOT see that one coming.

I can't wait to see what you do with this next....I seriously haven't a freaking clue...which is a switch for me.

Ana said...

I have a confession. This is my first ever review of any TwiFF and I just have to speak up and say WOW. This story has me captivated at first paragraph. Sitting here waiting on the edge for the next update. Awesome update and amazing writing. Kuddos!

evilnat said...

Sooo good!! The best part was that I wasn't expecting that to be the next chapter at all!! Another cliffie but so worth it!!!

Thanks for the update!! CANT WAIT to find out what happened and why Edward took five years to see Bella again!!!


CEJSMom said...

Holy Fuck!!!! That was awesome!! I was a bit shocked by the time jump but I was waiting for him to show up. I don't think he is in the same place anymore but man if he showed up at my door looking like that, I would have done the same thing.!!!!!

So glad you are back!!

IyLouMarie said...

Love it! Looking forward to you next update. Whenever. No pressure. *Considers tying you to your comp with an open word document and no twitter access.*..... * Remembers I would not get porn dive and funny expressional gifs without your twitter presence* Never mind ; ) My day would not be complete without the pretty you so freely share. Thanks!

Suzanne said...

wow- totally did not expect a 5 year jump. didn't expect to see Edward. he said he'd never come after her so I can't wait to see why he's there! sad to see that Bella still isn't happy... hope that changes soon.

luvrofink said...

Five years later!!! I was not expecting that! Poor Bella, her body and mind just can't help remembering what she went through, eh? I really hope Edward feels like an ass when he sees her all subdued like that. Assward. Loved it, but you are so very naughty for leaving us like that. Why do you torture us so?

ksw3 said...

OK, Wasnt expecting that! 5 years in the future? Your writing is beautiful! Really brings you in, like you are there just watching it happen in front of your eyes. Bella is clearly not happy, somthing is missing from her life. Was she getting into Edward and is ways more than she thought? Edward standing on her porch? Shocker! I just hope he is not the food delivery person! That would be bad, really bad and so not sexy! I hope he has looked her up and planned this reunion between to two because she has been on his mind all these years. Please, Please dont let him be the food delivery person!!! LOL.

Obsmama said...

AHHHHHH! I'm sure I'm having the same reaction as others wow time jump is fantastic and she did it completed and it all and shes still looking for something did something just show up on front porch?? I'm dying here wonderful cliffy can't wait for more!!!

Stephanie said...

So I saw the tweets between you and Rose and I checked out the inspiration pics. I was like, "Uh huh, uh huh, nice." But then I saw 5 years later and then I was all, "WTF?"
So I read, and I read and I KNOW something big is coming, because we were all expecting a continuation of the wedding scene where Edward would inevitably fall into Bella's arms, confess his sins and express his undying love for her.
I feel like Ive been sucker punched. AND I LOVE IT!!! BRILLIANT WAY TO GO. I love the unpredictability of it and I love the fact that Roughie was wearing Chucks and i love the Pavlovian response of her shifting the eyes down upon his presence. However, I DO NOT LOVE YOU cus I know the next update isn't ready.
Imma go pout now.

Undecided mom said...

Certainly NOT what I saw happening.... Glad to have the update, interesting to see Bella successful but not happy. I am dying to know what Edward has been up to and why now he's chosen to show up in her life. Can't wait for the next update. Please don't keep us waiting to long!

Hitchy said...

Ah! Jada, you naughty girl you! Leaving us at "Eyes down." WTF...?

This was great. Five years. What a jump. Wondering if Edward was in jail and if he's making ammends as part of a program like many others suggest.

Or perhaps he's feeling a bit more human after all that has happened to him and wanted to make ammends on his own. he must know what havoc he wreaked on her life. Perhaps Kate put him in touch with her (he could have asked Alice who planned her wedding and found Bella that way.) OK... off ti wait (im)patiently for the next.

Anonymous said...

aslfkdgjfh;boijkm I neeeeeed anew chapter omgggg what a shock. I can't even put into words. Just UGH! So good. I want more more more. Lol.

Luxie said...

Holy. Fuck.

5 years.

Eyes down.

I'm completely speechless.

After all this time she "resumes position."

I just didn't expect him showing up on her doorstep.


I have to know!

Thank you for the update, Jada!

fanofbones said...

Holy shit, I've been looking for this update every day. Yea!!!
Fantastic. Of course, so many questions. Its sad that she finally gets what she thought she wanted and worked so hard for to say, Is this it?
Can't wait for the next one


max & queenie & gus said...

so so so so good xx

lisazj said...

Well, clearly you intended to shock. And it worked. 

*sigh* Poor Isabella. I hate to say that even though I was completely unable to guess where you might go after the last chapter, I’m totally unsurprised that Bella is so discontented with her “success”. My God, worthlessness was ingrained into her psyche as an integral part of her very upbringing. She’s never going to be able to get the validation that she needs from herself, because no matter what she accomplishes, Bella herself will never believe that it is enough, that SHE is enough. I sincerely hope that Charlie is burning in hell right now.

Woman, that was the most evil of evil cliffies. I’m gonna have to go with all the guesses of some kind of “making amends” thing for Edward. He’s out of his suit, so he’s not there in a position of power. I am DYING to know what he’ll have to say, both as to why he’s there and to how Bella immediately, instinctively reacted to him. Or if either of them will even acknowledge it.

So what’s Roughie (maybe not so rough anymore?) planning? To say “I’m sorry” and then ride off into the sunset? To ask HOW he can make amends? And why? Did his bitterness finally break him? Did he find his baby? God, I hope so. Even as vile as he may have been, I can’t judge in that instance. Well, yes I can, but….arrgghhhh!!! That has always been one of the most frustrating things for me with this fic, how very, VERY torn it makes me in my reactions and sympathies.

Even more, the question begs, what is Bella ging to do? Will she be furious, at how he treated her before.? Well, she really can’t be, right? She ALLOWED it. It was consensual (even if so, so wrong) and she was paid. But at his apologizing, if that’s what he intends. I can absolutely see the emotions she has so very tightly folded away snapping the lock to the box she has them in and blowing the fuck up. BOOM! At her being enraged that he would dare make her feel that way again just by being there, in front of her? Well, I guess we’ll have to see, huh? As sure as I try and guess at what you’ll do, I’ll be dead wrong. ;)

The chappie was so well written bb. I love how very clearly you can take me into Bella’s head. I am so glad to see more of this story, I missed it.

By the way, I did sign up for notifications from the site. So far I haven’t gotten any (I saw the tweet about the update) so hopefully they are working, and I’m just impatient, heh.

Thanks for writing sweets, love the story, so much!! And you too. *mwah*

barbarito said...

Holy Shit! 5 years!!! Fricking loved it!!Cannot wait to see what he wants! Great job on the update!!!

j johnson said...

I have absolutely no idea what to think. It's like the beginning of a new story, or I guess, book 2 of this story.
I understand completely what's going thru Bella's mind during her introspection. All the work she did to meet her life's goal, and "Is this it?"
She's never addressed her real issues, she's just barreled through her life trying to reach her goals. She's still beating down her thoughts and feelings and burying them.
A lifetime of this. Five years of this since she ran from the Cullen house. It's very depressing.
And Edward shows up. I cannot even guess as to why or what will happen now.
But Bella's reaction is easy for me to interpret, I think. She's missing something in her life. "Is this it?" And she still thinks of that time five years ago. When she ran. From him. It doesn't seem like she's sought out relationships since, sought to fill that emptiness. And so she sees him, and knows what she's missing. Her reaction is intentional as much as it is instinctual. Yes, her "body knows its place." Yes, she complies "without hesitation." But the thought that barrels through her mind is 'this is what I miss, this is what I want'.
It remains to be seen if Edward is on the same page. He may have moved towards healing. It would be encouraging if that were true. Maybe he will be able to guide Bella in that direction. Because with all of the progress Bella has made in her life, she's not moved an inch towards healing.
I said it at the beginning, Jada. I'm on this journey with you. Even if it takes unexpected turns. I'm still a little scared, but I care way too much about these characters to let that deter me.
Thank you.

Princesspeach said...

Wow. WHAT a cliffie!!

At first I thought, wtf???? And I wanted to slap Bella.

But then after a little thought...Ah; 12-step program, I bet.

Pleeeeeaaase update soon. I'll be on pins and needles waiting

SOPHIA said...

What happened to "I don't chase anyone" Roughie????
Definitely worth the wait Jada. I can't wait to see where your taking this.
Would a quickie on the porch be asking too much? Laters.

Michelle said...

Wow -- totally unexpected. Excellent!!! :)

Anonymous said...

wow...very unexpected turn of events...i just cant wait to find out why he has returned after so many years...cannot wait for the next update!!

DebbieCDC said...

OMG this is NOT what I expected to happen!!! Five years later??? Material success but emotional void, that I can understand, because I think she needs/wants E more than she EVER realized & nothing else/no one else will do.

But now Roughie shows up on the doorstep and she's right back "in character"!! FUCK ME! I will DIE until I find out what happened to him in these five years.

Great curveball girl, you really threw me a loop. Whoo hoo - could I love this story any more? Think not. BTW, love the pic of Diane Keaton as Kate - love her, great choice.

You rock...that is all (for now)

RoseArcadia said...

You are evil. Ev-Val!!!

Great job, Chica!

Melissa H. said...

Fuck me. I didn't breathe AT ALL from the time the door bell rang till she dropped her eyes & then thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. Two cliffies back to back???? Jadalulu you are killing me! Flove this story so hard.

Jen said...

FIVE years?!? My jaw literally dropped when I saw that. I love the way this was written; most of the sentences separate from each other. I imagine that's how Bella is feeling--she's around people all the time, but touched by none. Her emptiness and dissatisfaction is palpable.

I wasn't surprised that Roughie showed up, but his demeanor did catch me off guard (and I agree w/ the others that he must be/have been in some sort of 12-step program). Not sure why b/c the old Roughie sure as hell wouldn't have shown up at her house--he'd have fucking texted or called (if anything). I LOVED that she looked down as soon as she got over her shock.

Can't wait for the next chapter! (We will be getting SOME answers, right? If not, I'm letting luvrofink loose on your ass.)


Amber said...

The first tweet I saw today was one from you saying that Roughie had been updated. Gah.. and I ran.

So good. Seriously. Not what I expected, the whole 5 year thing, but it worked perfectly. She is so bored with life, and knows in her heart what she is missing, and then BAM, he flippin shows up.

Can not wait till the next update.
Thank you for writing and sharing with us.

Astrid Green Eyes said...

Jada this is great. Great chapter!!!! said...

W.O.W.!!! So unexpected, I dont know what to say just wow!! You sure know how to keep me on my toes - I cant wait for next chapter! xox

Ketyane said...

What was that? Bella grew up professionally, but still with some of his inner ghosts. I would like know about her mother, but it seems that their relationship remains the same distance. Bella seems to haven't friends and she didn't given for herself the chance to meet new people, as if his personal life had stopped in time.

What Edward wants in Bella's house? Disturb Bella's life again? Put a little excitement in this dull Bella's life?
Is he sorry for what he did to her and went back for apologize? He still thought of her all along, and if so, why not tried found she before? He solved all or most of the problems he had for to can seek Bella again? He will make a new proposal? Does he "moved on"?

Bella despite having changed, it seems your reaction for Edward remains the same ??
Eyes down.
Eyes down.
Eyes down.

I do not want Bella to submit the will of Edward, not now, not like before. Bella! Shut the door and not let this man go inside your home, still no!

I'm curious about what happened in Edward's life in this five years....ops... I'm curious about what happened in all Edward's life!

kbishop said...

HOLY shit !! That was so good. Damn I'm so happy for this chapter. I can't wait for the next one, I'm stun for words.

latuacantante said...

no update notification comes to my mail: (
very good chapter, I was surprised, so do not delay to update.

Fardus said...

From the first words I knew that it would be very different from the previous chapters. I also think Edward has changes for the better however, I hope he didn't loose his 'rough' edge ;) Hopefully all will be explained in the next update or that's what I'm hoping for anyway. Also the cliffie was brutal but it did make the chapter better.


IWMEC said...

what happened to him .. did he join therapy and he's asking for forgiveness ?? and what she wants him back ??? that's what it means when her eyes r down .. she wants him to fuck her .. god i want him to fuck her too .. but im SO confused right now .. i need answers .. and i need updates .. plz don't take long this time


_Becca25_ said...

Holy shit! 5yrs later. "gasp" I know every story has to end at some point but Im not ready yet.hahaha Great update. I dont know how she went 5 yrs without him since her mind & body craved him. Damn! So good. Thank love hope for my own selfishness an update is looming soon. hahahaha

k.malik78 said...

Did i miss something? a lot of ppl r saying 12-step yada yada but then where does that prologue fit in? Ugggh i am confused now.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont make roughie a softie. I'm not saying he should humiliate bella or anything but i mean i dont want him to go all notebook on our asses:D

Anonymous said...

That 5 years surprised the crap out of me. I really gasped out loud and people think I am nuts now. (Which is probably true) Just wanted to say that the update was incredible and so worth the wait. Thanks for shocking me.

FunmbiE said...

Oh Jada...Jada, Jada, Jada. I am shocked, literally shocked!

Well, I still adore your Bella. She's competent, willing to do what she needs to for her career. She has a home, successful in her work, and I'm proud of her.

But it's not enough, is it? *SIGH* Secretly, that's one of my biggest fears. I've been in school forever, a year away from my PhD...what happens if its not enough?

Well, what could possibly be missing for Bella: a romantic relationship obviously (cue Roughward), but what about her relationship with her parents? Charlie's dead so a reconciliation there isn't possible, but I REALLY want to know what Renee's problem is.

And Roughward....darling Roughward. Can we still call him that? Is he still rough?
What's he been up to for the last 5 years? What about Esme, Carlisle, and Alice? What in the world happened to make him so rough? How does he find Bella and what does he want from her?

I really, REALLY don't want Bella to assume her former demeanor with Edward with the "eyes down"... I want her to demand answers! I want her to be PISSED!

SO EAGER to see where we're going.
Congrats on the new site!
Cheers! xoxoxo

Kbtoyz18 said...

All I can say is HOLY SHIT

Courtney said...

OOH girl! Now the fun begins, or takes off where it was left off. I bet Edward has changed. 5 years is a long time. I can't wait to find out more. this story is soo freaking good. don't worry I don't hate you. lol keep up the great work. thanks again bye for now

Jill said...

That was an amazing chapter. Bella's life has NO life. It made me so sad. Something is missing but I'm not exactly sure what that is. Can't believe he sought her out after five years, and that she slipped right back into the role. But they can't revert back to what they were. I don't think it was healthy for either of them. Not sure where this is going next and certainly wasn't expecting this chapter. I felt stunned after reading it. In a good way!

Arc Morpheus said...

OMG!!! You have completely captivated me all over again..I was already a FYW Groupie but this has just taken me up a notch to *Stalker* Groupie status...LOL. Superb, fantastic. and EYES DOWN!! I can not await the next instalment...HUGS XXXX

babec8825 said...

Still can't stop reading!!! ;)

Anonymous said...

Holy Shit!!! I'm so glad someone told me about the update because I never got an update notice.

With Bella's background and struggles, it's no wonder that RL is anti-climactic for her. She definitely needs more.

And WTF is up w/Edward. He's certainly not the same person he was 5 years prior. Is he there to make amends? To start a relationship? I have a feeling that he doesn't want Bella's "eyes down."

You are an evil genious, jada. If I thought I was anxious for this update, the suspense for the next one might kill me!!

Anonymous said...

OMG...holy fuck batman, this was not where I thought the next chapter was gonna go! I can't believe she lowered her eyes for him!!!! WOW!!! I am on the edge of my seat for the next chapter...btw, I didn't get an email notification from this...should we have? AWESOME Chapter!!!

Anonymous said...! I'm really glad that he was the one to seek her out all these years later, but I really don't want her to divert back to that submissive personality. She has worked hard, earned a place in the world...she doesn't need to look down. I hope he tells her that she needs to look at him. But awesome chapter!!!

Amy Fontaine said...

Oh.My.God. That was so worth the wait! As someone who is graduating from college in 9 days I always ask myself 'is this it.' I thought this chapter was perfect. I loved it so much!!

busymommy said...

OMG! Wow! Totally speehless. Bella has achieved so much, come so far, and yet, instantly her mind reverts to where it was with him. SO cant wait for an update!

Dblanch413 said...

Heaven help me he owns me too!!!

rpattzdude said...

oh my god! Five years later? No wonder you took two/more weeks to write this one oh man I wonder how many terapy sessiom E been to? I wonder how little/much of his former him he has left. I wonder how he found her...

Thank you bb missed this so much! ( =

melissa said...

OMG,he found her! he keeping an eye on her all those years?

How is she going to react?..I can't wait for the next chapter,good Lord!!

Brandy said...

I was hoping for a slow burn but I liked it. I always wanted him to be the one to make first contact after Alice's wedding fiasco, I just thought it would be him knocking on her door after he posted bail. He did mouth her name in the back of the cruiser. I wanted him to show up at her door dirty, stained, blood crusted and disheveled; then they make love missionary style and kiss a lot. (sigh) he did at least make face to face contact. Even though he didn't call first, the 'broken' Edward would have just phoned or texted or some other crass way to get some booty. Did Edward change? Maybe this is the real Edward all along before the incident ( by the way, care to elaborate?) I like that he was casually dressed and nervous. I don't think Bella is weak. She didn't look him up, she decided to end it. It was her body that betrayed her, told them eyes to look down. More Please! I hump the air waiting on your updates.

AnastasiaCullen said...

Loved this. Made me a little sad though and left me with loads of questions!
What has happened over the past 5 years? 5 YEARS..ahem therapy? jail (maybe that might be bit out there)? etc
Btw sad that you got taken from FFn its happening to too many good fics but love the new home *two fingers up to the idiot who reported you* so glad you still continued it :D
Look forward to all future updates


honeycrunch said...

OMG OMG OMG – this story is going to be the death of me. I have just read this chapter for the second time and already cannot await the next one. Why has he waited FIVE YEARS to contact her? What has he been doing during all this time? How did he find her? God, Jada, with every new chapter you create at least 100 more questions for me to wreck my brain all day and all night lol Please please update very soon. I really hope that they will have a thorough conversation – and maybe even make love a little, too?

HeyCarrieAnn said...

Wow Bella has done well for herself! So glad! OMG! he is at her house!! Can't wait to hear this conversation! LOL thank you for the update!! Wonderful!!

BMor said...

Seriously I think I might have actually passed out for a moment when I read 5 years later....Then you started in with her life and I had to stop because I had so many tears in my eyes. I have felt like this before. Then HE shows up and something just clicks......HFS! I hope we don't have long to wait for an update! AWESOME CHAPTER!

Nim said...



This update has just killed me. I am dead. I am literally like a corpse right now.

I can't even PROCESS what I just read. When she opened the door I had a feeling it was going to be him, but I mean just the sight of him dressed so casually and looking nervous and OH MY GOD....

The "eyes down" thing is what did me in. After all that time, she still reacts like that... Jesus...

I don't think he's going to go back into Roughie mode, not in that very moment, anyway. He'll probably be like "Chill out, you don't have to be all submissive and shit". Or something like that.

Anyways, thanks so much for updating!!! It was definitely worth the wait and I'm SOOO EXCITED for the next one. I can barely contain myself. :)


Anonymous said...

DKFDSKLJIEO Damn it! Not the cliffie! Evil!
The ending was crazy. I can't believe he showed up out of now where after 5 fucking years. Interesting. Does he realize what an ass he was to her or what? I can't wait to find out in the next update.

I'm also pissed that Bella didn't straight up punch him in the face as soon as she saw him. You know, he doesn't pay her anymore lol. I would have totally done that. What is he going to do when he sees that she followed his, uh rule.

Great chapter.

TwiRK_World said...

UH, WOW! I am surprised you jumped 5yrs, really cool concept. I can't wait to see what happens now that Edward is knocking on her door. And you can send the next update five minutes ago, k, thanx bai ;)

FanFicCrazy said...

OMG, I totally didn't see that coming! At first I was kinda upset we missed 5 years!! But then it dawned on me, they'll explained what happened.. I'm guessing, maybe hoping he's tracked her down to apologize for his earlier behavior?? I'm hoping he's sought some sort of help for whatever awful thing/things happened to him... But who knows! I'm just happy to have him back! But damn, you are killing me with these cliffies!!! LOL


none said...

loved it.

cant wait for the next chapter, even though i know they wont have hot, sweaty sex in the threshold of her home.

but one can dream, right?


jbquinn said...

OMG! This was soooooo worth the wait bb! I freaking loved it! I liked that you jumped ahead 5 yrs and we got to see what Bella has been up to! Nice cliffie bb! I may have to bend you over Roughie style and spank ya for that cliffie though ;) I can't wait for chapter 13!!!!!!!

adonicass said...

"An unexamined life is not worth living."

Good for her, wondering "is that all there is?"

I wonder that all the time.

Now, will she kick him out, or give him a chance to explain himself, because, baby, he's got a lot of explaining to do!

Take your time writing. I love the anticipation. Makes me sweat.


kat said...

Just go ahead and kill me why don't ya!? This cliffie is soooooo hard on me. I can't believe he showed up! Is he making amends? His demeanor makes it seem so.

I think it's so hot that her body responds to him even after all this time. I wonder how he will react to her "eyes down"? Is it too much to hope that he nails her on the kitchen table? Is it too much to ask that she lets him? I just don't know if I can take him bein all nice. Roughie is probably one of the hottest Edward's of all time.

BTW, didn't get an email alert that this was out!

foxy57 said...

Wow! Loved it and was definitely not expecting the 5 year jump! Was so excited to see this update. Can't wait for more.

SweetLips said...

What a cliffie. I can't wait to find out why Edward is back after 5 years. Jeez, he was such an ass to Bella. The things he called her were so fucked up. He better apologize to her properly.
I'm interested in seeing how Edward reacts to her "eyes down." Will he feel worse, because it's his own doing, or will he fuck her and leave?

Is it bad of me to hope that he FINALLY kisses her? Fuck the rules! Haha. I want to read some hardcore rough sex with Edward holding onto the headboard. I will love you forever Jada if you'd write that.

Anonymous said...

I am hoping that the unbelievable amount of reviews you have gotten in one day...on this off site....will encourage you to update again soon. :0) thanks for the update.

beesue said...

This is so very good - she thinks she has made it to the top but alas!She is still at the bottom! No happiness for Bella.
.....Until the doorbell rings!
What the hell does he want? Can't wait for you to tell us!!!!!

SoCalTwiNurse said...

HOLY FUCK!!!!!!! I soooo did NOT see that flash forward coming at all!!!!! & 5 years?!?! Wow...

I have no fucking idea what E is doing on her step & I can't even imagine what he wants. I can't believe her immediate reaction was eyes down...WOW again!!!!!

Sooooo glad you're almost done w/ the next chapter cuz I'm DYING over here!!!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!

xoambxo said...


I hope we can get a quick update though! this cliffy is gonna KILL me. :( lol

btw Jada...I haven't read many stories involving anal...just sayin'...Edward...Bella...Anal...good stuff...yeah.


twimom0974 said...

Eyes down.

That's the shit! I love your writing! OMG! I can't wait to see why he's there!!!

liv.allan said...

Fucking fabulous update! Can't believe five years went by, and I can't wait to see where you're going with this.
I don't know whether to groan in frustration that bella just fell in to line or get excited about the prospect that there could be more sexy times to come...
Just for the record, as I'm not sure if its just me or everyone, but I happened to stumble onto this update by checking the site and haven't received the alert yet... It's probably just me being a technological retard, but just in case I thought you may want to know.

Can't wait for the next update!

G. said...

Hey Jada!
I love it!! Cant wait for the next update! :)
Have a nice week, hon!

BellaBedazzled said...

We lost 5 years? Without Edward they couldn't have been very exciting anyway. Now he's BACK..........

Let the games begin but please don't make us wait too long. You're killing me with the suspense. I have been checking for an update every day. I'm glad I do because I didn't get my e-mail notification. Not sure what's going on with that. Also did I say you rocked? Thanks so much for the update.

shannonbolen73 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tmacdon said...

Five years, seems so so long, she has done what she was determined to do but her success appears empty and hollow, she shoves her real feelings down, ignores her gut instincts about herself and refuses to address her inner demons. Edward is there now and her knee jerk reaction is to submit to him. Is he there to address the damage he did to her, I actually feel so nervous for her and him right now. Can she actually be REAL with him?

flyrbrd said...

Fabulous chapter! I can't wait for more ;)

NKR said...

Ok. First. FFn can SUCK it. I could read from my phone on there and I can't on blogspot. Hmph.

I liked that you jumped into the future. It's interesting to see Bella's thoughts now that she's graduated. I do feel a kinship with her; the feeling that she's just floating along and not really living. I have NO idea what to think about Edwards showing up. I was not expecting that at all. I kind of want to tell Bella "NO! Eyes UP!!". No more looking down. Make him look into your eyes when he explains why he's there.

Fantastic update! So glad you have the blog to post this on. I couldn't go without some Roughie!

Steph Stewart said...

J, Excellent babe.

T-Nabs said...

Epic! Best cliffie I've read in a long is going in my most memorable ff moments mental file! Eyes down....yes please! Not to mention a white thermal, chucks, and scruff....gasp! I don't think I can wait long!

sharon said...

I finally caught up! Live the story. Feel like I'm missing a really big secret. Hope that's the idea!
So, roughies back. In suburbia. Haunting Bella. Sawheet!
Hey, read on twcs. Wouldn't let me leave review...don't know why... Also, kept timing me out and making me sign back in, which sucked.
Glad it's here on blog. Much easier!
Ffn screwed up by dropping this. Glad you took it good and went on. It's developing into such a unique story that I can't wait to see how it spins out.

bella ami said...

So worth the wait Jada! I'm dying to know if Edward is still his same Dom self. I feel bad for Bella feeling so unfulfilled after all her hard work to graduate. Hopefuly Edward helps her feel like her old self soon, if that's what she wants.
Great job bb!

ewmson said...

I must admit that I expected to see Edward once I realized you jumped five years into the future but I was still surprised too; probably because I didn't know where or how, you know?!

To date you've presented two different versions of Edward: one that had everything and one that was broken once he lost his "everything." I think he comes to Bella now to make amends probably because the night of Alice's wedding served as a wake up call; his rock bottom of sorts. He probably went through some type of counseling and is very much guilt ridden with his treatment of Bella especially if, five years later, he is much closer to emotional and mental health.

I think you pointed out what he was wearing and his nervous behaviors for a reason: to show that he isn't there resume "relations." He was dressed causally and lacked his usual confidence; he wasn’t his usual domineering self and he wasn't sure of himself as illustrated with the nervous ticks.

The one who hasn't changed or dealt with their issues is Bella which is, to my thinking, what the rest of your story will be about. Edward will probably play a major role in that.

I loved this chapter and I can't stop reading the ending! :)

meadowgirl552 said...

I am not getting posts in my email, can someone tell me what I am doing wrong...?

Erin said...

THANK YOU! I love this story and can't wait for more! :D

ROX0706 said...

WTF.....FIVE YEARS!!!! WOW did not see that coming. Jeez....Edward showing up after five years and still Bella has it in her that she has to look down. Can't wait to read what will happen next. Thanks for the update:D

chadjenny said...

LOVED this update. Sad to see that Isabella is discontent with her success. She realizes that her life is lacking in the personal dept. So, Roughward tracked her down???? Can't wait for the next update.

I was wondering why I hadn't received any notifications about the updates from ff. I haven't been on my TL last few weeks bc of work, so I was unaware if FYW getting pulled from ff. Glad that you have a new home. Following on here too. :)


Tracy said...

You are awesome, worth the wait, but don't make us wait to long for the next one because we will all be going crazy until you update again!! Such a great stoy, it is going to be epic I know it!!

much love, update soon!!!

Rion said...

Wow. blown away did not see that coming. course I cant wait for youe next update, never satisfied your followers that is.
gotta say i love how you have made her successful in her career.

jjwelborn said...

Not at all what I was expecting... but oh so good!!! Thanks for the update!!!


ryan said...

You are totally killing with this chapter.
Unpredictable and new.
Just Wondering-
- Did Edward have anything to do with her losing her other "jobs" in college?
- How long was Edward "noticing" her before he made his proposition?
- Was Edward watching from outside below in her dorm window as she waited for the hour to pass for their "time" at Christmas?
- What happened to Bella as a teenager?
- What age are Edward and Bella?
Just loving your writing. I love not being able to guess what is next. Your non-cookie-cutter style is great.

jesyka_haha said...

This was well worth the wait! And five years in the future, no less.
I love that Bella is still not content with what she has in life. (That's kind of sick, I know.) She is still just as lost, but has a wonderful exterior to show the world.
I'm glad that she is good at her job and it keeps her mostly occupied.
I hope that we get to hear about what Edward's been up to. To be dressed the way he was is a very big change.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
Thanks for sharing.

KlrTwiLuver said...

Great update. Wonderfully written and what a wickedly delicious cliffie my dear.


Anonymous said...

As soon as Edward said "Hello Isabella" and she put her eyes down I immediately soaked my panties! and not to mention it's laundry day. Your writing is real and intense, I'm not sure how I'm going to survive the rest of this story. I have to go buy more panties. Thanks for another chapter!

gwenap said...

Dear Jada,

I apologize for not reviewing until now. I just started reading this yesterday and couldn't stop.

It's been a long time since I've read a story that grabbed a hold of me from the very beginning, shook me to the core and wouldn't let go. That's exactly what this story and your writing does.

Your writing is so passionate and intense, that I felt everything your characters were feeling, especially Bella - her heartache from her parents; struggles of school, work and finances; her self-deprecation. Through your writing style, I felt all of it in my heart, mind and soul.

I didn't have feelings towards Edward until his meltdown at the wedding. I knew something happened to make him behave the way he did, but that was the first I felt sorry for him. I called him every name Bella did - asshole, cold-hearted bastard, mother fucker, but never Roughie. ;-)

I know some are disappointed with the 5 year jump but I wasn't. Your writing is so intense that my heart needed the break. The only time I paused reading was to have a cigarette to calm the fuck down.

In 5 yrs Bella hasn't healed at all, eventhough she's accomplished what she sacrificed, and worked so hard to achieve. My heart broke for her, again, when she looked down. Poor baby desperately needs help. I truly hope Edward has healed/changed enough that maybe he can help her. I don't want him to turn into Pussyward, but I'm not sorry to wave bye bye to the cold-hearted bastard that he was.

Bravo, Jada! Thank-you, thank-you for sharing your gift of the written word! I am really looking forward to seing where you take us.

Jennifer said...

That was amazing! Love that you jumped 5 years, so Bella could be all grown up and made her 'dreams' come true. Love that she's not happy with how things have turned out (don't we all feel that way at times?!).
Love that He's on her doorstep! I think he is there to make amends for his pervy ways. Can't wait to see how this convo goes!!
Thanks for writing!

Riksis said...

Please, please, please, don`t leave us hang too long...

preciousfairymom80 said...

Five years? What has he been doing for five years? Ok I'm sure that question will be answered in the next chapter. But you just had to put in jeans and a white thermal, right? That description just brought to mind a certain vet from a popular movie I just recently seen...
Awesome, can't wait for the next one.
Oh, and I didn't get my update?! Just lucky a friend saw the update announced on FB.

liliane_moussa said...

NO NO NO Fuck this ...NO EYES DOWN....!!! C'mon Jadalulu PLEASEEEEEEE no eyes down !!!
I really like this Bella of yours, liked her all along, she is so courageous and strong-willed,and I thought she should grow a spine quickly, so please our Roughward needs to taste his own medicine arghhhhhhhh please tell me she is not gonna fall on here knees for him again!! shit !

All right you are meannnnnnn girl, this is the worst cliffie and my heart is about to burst out, did he obsess about her, all those years, is he remorseful, and guess what we'll have to wait to know all the As. to our Qs. ....Jada you wonderful talented writer !! Still mean though and cruel arghhh Love your story :)

Ah and by the way about FF ToU whatever let them go clean the crap they have there, I have read far worse stories with graphic lemons,limes and all the "oranges" family with less finesse and talent, so no worries about you breaching anything, it just happens that some are JEALOUS and wanted your story out of their story's way, at least that is what I think ...
Cannot wait for the next chapter...

so said...

Oh my...

Stella B. Bella said...

At first I was kinda not liking the 5 years... Seems quite long but I am sure you have your reasons and didn't just arbitrarily pick that number. It does make sense he can find her, Kate is connected to his family and all that. Wouldn’t surprise me if he’d always kept some sorta tabs on her. Not saying he is asking Kate about her or anything but just a common knowledge type scenario. It’s not a stretch.

Then, when Bella first sees him at the door… With all the talk about ordering dinner honestly at first I was like whoa is he the delivery guy? lol. That would be funny – in another story.

You do weave magic when comes to Bella’s introspective self-talk. I feel like I am in her moment.

norcaltwitard said...

Oh snap! I had to read the five years later part twice! Nice twist...totally didn't see that coming. Then, the description...white thermal, jeans and the chucks!!! Mutha fuckin squeeeeeeee I read that more than twice, but not because of shock, if ya know what I mean. *lick* And I love B's eyes down...she's his fuckin sub. Its like in her dna or some shit. I can just here his response "Look at me Isabella." Soft voice and firm tone, but not harsh. I'm all a flutter just thinking about it.

Thank you for this Jada! I fluv me a good cliffie :)

rikki said...

Well....I must say....I knew she would react that way...If he has changed...please let him still be a lil bad..ha..I love bad Edward. Love this story soooo much.

amazingragdoll said...

oh my, was not expecting the five years, and i love the way you just trow us for a loop..... anyway ........eyes down, hell to the yeah. i love those words ...............................

Chloe Masen said...

You little tease...

Nonita said...

Great chapter! I loved it! So worht the wait. I can't wait to see what happens next! I hope you update soon!

tigger1 said...

Oh my... after all this time.
He has found her.
She still reacts.
What does he want ?
Is he what she is missing ?

j said...

was not expecting a 5 yr time jump. b seems so lonely and is not fulfilled for all the work and sacrifice. is her problem really the lack of e in her life? wonder why he showed up at her house and if he has been tracking her all this time. maybe he is reconciling his life some how. b has never seen him on a weekend so maybe casual wear is norm for him.

think the email alert may be broken because i didn't get the update email. is there a way to know if there is a new chapter?


Brina said...

HOLY SHIT!!!!What will happen next?? I can't wait to see.

Kata said...

wow!so much worth the wait and sooo nut what I was expecting!!I didn't see the 5 years coming, seriously I thought you were counting seconds or something:Dand the end...brilliant.can't wait to see/read edward's reaction!!

Juliebee said...

Whoa. Mind fuck of epic proportions. FABULOUS.

Jennifer said...

fuck! so good. totally thought 'someone' was watching her there and then...surprise!! there he is at her door after all of this time. he is what she was missing. what exactly this means idk but no'll blow us away regardless. great job. xo.

Anonymous said...

Oh Lord!! This is craaazy!! Unfreakingbelievable. No words, really. None. Please publish soon!! Don't make us wait so long. *on knees begging* Thanks!

LetRobstenLuv4ever said...

Well I sure hope that Edward got help since he has been gone. Poor Bella she is a natural submisive. Yummy. They could have so much fun IF he got help for his cold hearted ways and hurtful name calling. I can handle BDSM but NOT name calling. And the dismissing her like she is trash is unacceptable.

Kelly said...

OMG!! Hes back! I think he has been thinking of her for the last five years also!

Chillzhowdy said...

Okay it must of taken 4 days on feedburner to come half way around the world :o( But thank gosh it came! Loved it and whats the prick doing back! Eyes down! Bella get real 5 years since your've done that shit for him! Snap out of it girlfriend! Thanks Jada for the beautiful update :o) Can't wait to read the next chapter!

joli cullen said...

I'm excited
not breathe
I'm dying
my heart does not beat
I can not stand this exciting chapter for the next
5 years?
edward appears
Bella does not conform with what is in all this time
eyes down
There I die
please do not delay the expected kill us

Anonymous said...

I dont really know what to say after this chappy but.. it feels weird and wrong idk what does well i guess well see.. but it was very anticlimatic.. the only thing that kinda let me smirk was the last sentence.. and i dont mean to be rude or anything bc i really enjoyed the story unitl now.. the chappy just left me kinda blank lol

so anyways amazing writing and update soon :*

Mary Ellen McD said...

Aaargh! You can't leave us hanging like this! That would be mean! Poor Bella, trying so hard to improve herself and reverting back to the "old her" immediately. My guess is that he is trying to make amends with everyone. Well this should make him feel worse. Good. ;)

Lulu said...

FIVE YEARS??? You really got me. When I was scrolling down I thought you were counting to tease us before the chapter started because we have been begging for an update. WOW!!! SHOCKED...

I have been thinking about how epic it will be when when they finally get together and have sex front to front and KISS. I am so torn between wanting him to take her inside right now and use the first a available surface and just talking. Saying that he couldn't stop thinking of her and that he had to see her. And asking why she was at the wedding. Maybe they could talk and then go upstairs? Lol? Like the others have said, please don't make him a total wus!!

I am doubtful about the twelve steps but obviously he has been thinking of her one way or another.

I did NOT think she would look down.

I just got my email update alert this morning. (may 9). I knew I couldn't trust it so I have been stalking your blog for weeks but for some reason I didn't check it this weekend DAMMIT!

I am begging you for an update. **on knees**. PLEASE!!! I can't take it!!!
And finally, please, please, please update soon! *on hands begging

reve2weaver said...

YEs, I celebrated your send off from FFn too since this mean more room for the light weights and their fluff so they may protect their daughters of the literate (sic) onions to cry over Edward's forever virginity.

I liked the trope of unsuccesful: Bella running the circle the lake, the week, the unfinished sentences, the hand off of choosing the napkin colour, and her ritual of leaving the wedding ceremony again and again and again, and why? Eyes down Isabella... but she is looking at was always a man and now surprisingly... Chucks?

I think this small surprise is fitting because she knew, deep down, even before the last time she went that he was a troubled man. She may cry victim to her circumstance or desires, but she can't ignore that tape and yet she went on silent feet to his lair, just as complicit in his pain. As every good enabler knows when they bring home their husband's bottle of whiskey, you can say you buy it to keep the peace, but you don't say who's peace you buy.

Great chapter: I love to see you here and you wear this blog beautifully. The 'deleted comments by author' make me laugh and I think it must be nice for you to have the power on your side for a change, non?

Anonymous said...

Crikey, 5 years since that fateful night. It seems that whilst Bella has been making her way in the world, Roughie has been in therapy (oh lord, hope we aren't gonna have to start calling him Softie LOL!)

But it would appear that the seeds sown by her despicable father, which were then nurtured and cultivated by Edward, have lain dormant, awaiting sunlight and a good watering - and look who's turned up with his hose?!

I imagine that Bella's instinctive submission will have a dual affect on Edward, both making him cringe, but also, I reckon, arousing him somewhat. Bella fed a need in him - and he clearly wanted more and more of her. Will he have found a way to completely sublimate his prediliction for domination, or will Bella's submission - and, indeed, her own need to be dominated - reawaken his desire?

Ooh, I hope we don't have to wait too long for an update, cos I am loving where you are taking this story.

Olena said...

Oh my God, that's so unexpected! i never thought she wouldn't see him for five years. It looks like Edward had gone through therapy and came to apologize. I bet Isabella's reaction will catch him off guard :)

TheRugbymom said...

How could you?????


You made me cry. Right from the start, I was bawling because I was so sad they were apart for FIVE YEARS!

You're KILLING me!

Nicely done. I hope you enjoy my pain.

Keye Cullen said...

Love your A/N. You seriously crack me up!!!

Okay, this chapter? Seriously, you skipped FIVE years!!! Wow! When you move on, you move the flip ON!!!!

I think that you completely captured Bella's life in that five years. Yes, she is successful but she still longs for something doesn't she? She still longs for Roughie!!!!

The cliffie is killing me!!! OME! After five years, Edward shows up on her doorstep, I really need to say that I cannot WAIT to read what happens next?????


pamcamcris23's FICtional Life said...

arrggghhh, you can't JUST leave us there!!! lol... funny, each new scene Bella went through, i kept wondering if/when Edward was going to show up. and then lo and behold, Edward in jeans, a damn white thermal shirt (*sigh*, my favorite kind of shirt on a guy!) and Chucks... and eyes down, Isabella! good lawdy lawd!

addicted-to-bedward said...

Wow. I read it on my phone last night...and I sure there is more than that. LOL I kept trying to find more...You know how to let us hang.
I can't wait until the next update. What had happened to Edward all those 5 years? Is he changed? Is he begging for forgiveness? Does he want to be with her that?

Anonymous said...

It's good to see that Bella's sacrifices paid off, and she got the life she wanted, but it's so sad to witness how hollow that life is.
I wonder what it that Edward wants now, after five years is. I hope she won't revert to her old ways of handling him. They won't stand the chance of ever connecting on an emotional, human level, if she does that.
And I really hope he has some explanation to offer her, and that he's there for reasons entirely different than the ones that made him propose that arrangement, all those years ago.
But, if Bella's reaction to hearing him say her name means she craves that he treats her like a whore again, and that she doesn't understand the way he treated her was not right and left her with deep emotional scars, she's utterly deranged.
In five years, she hasn't been able to connect with anyone on an emotional level, and that is the direct result of the way she was treated throughout her life, first, by the parents who neglected and didn’t love her as a child, and second, by Edward, who treated her like a cheap whore, the kind who would take anything for money.
He's got a lot to make up for. He might even become aware of the damage he's done, when he realizes how broken she is, if she still responds to him like she did when she was his whore.
Thank you for the update, Jada! I really hope to see these two evolving towards a human, and if possible, loving relationship....

CkKollman said...

I just started reading this about...two days ago. And I FUCKING love it...and I cannot wait for the update!!! The anticipation is going to keep me awake I just know it!

Rory said...

WTF! I hope Bella can be strong... I hope he has changed and wants something different from her... perhaps just to appologise or to explain a few things.

So glad she has made it out of school and some obvious signs of success. Now she really doesn't need his money... on a bit more of an even playing field, which is great. She doesn't need him and she is free to make choices based on want... this time... I hope.

Sessahhh said...

Sweet, merciful Jada. Are. You. Trying. To. Kiiiiillll. Me?? Oi to the vei! Edward coming to visit. Five years later. Edward in jeans and chucks and a fucking thermal? Successful, party-planning Isabella?
Oh my goodness. Such an incredible chapter!! I'm so happy I've got the next one (which I heard isn't a cliffie - Woot!) to get me through.
I'm loving the style of this story. Like we are learning about your wonderful characters one line at a time. It's fantastic.

maxandmimasmummy said...

Wow. I wasn't expecting a time jump like that. And Edward turning up on her

~Elli~Iris~ said...

Ch 12
Oh wow! A jump in time? Five years? WOW! Wasn’t expecting that. Bella is graduated and event planning. Did Kate hire her? Looks like it. “Is this it?” She worked long and hard in school, she has a job, but she is alone. “Hollow”. Edward on her doorstep. Something he said he would never do. Here we go. He is nervous. She is shocked. “Hello Isabella.” *eyes down*
Maybe that isn’t where this is supposed to go this time? Does she want it or is that just her automatic reaction? Gah!

Anna said...

I like the Frou Frou reference, if that was intentional :) She's amazing.

sarah said...

So many things to say -

I loved the thoughts on her diploma. I feel this way too often.

and this: They drown out the thoughts I'm trying not to acknowledge.

This too, this was SO eloquently put for a thought that we probably all feel. For such a common thought between so many people, you phrased it beautifully.

And him, in chucks and a thermal, in sunglasses - and her body's learned reaction - LORD!!

take my feelings and turn them upside down and inside out, here, seriously, they're yours.

In all complimentary-ness: your writing has grown, baby. progressed in the most wonderful way. I can see it, from the first few chapters compared to these latest ones. ALL have been great, please, don't get me wrong. But I can see your skill at putting this heart-story into words, progressingwith each chapter.

Our stories really are kind of like little growing pieces of us, aren't they? :)



desi said...

Hey !!! Thanks so much for the update on FF, I wondered where you went!!! What drama's, never mind I found you again!!!! YAYYYYY for me!!!!
Great update, unexpected how things are turning out!!!!
lOVE IT, thanks so much!!!

luv4kristen said...

Wow! So Bella made it, she survived, graduated, got out, and it just goes to show that unless you have someone to share it with, it doesn't matter. It doesn't even necessarily mean a guy as she doesn't seem to have any friends that she can share her time with either. I'm wondering why Edward showed up out of the blue after all this time. Did he go away after the altercation, or has he been in therapy and looking for forgiveness? Can't wait to find out! So loving this story! Thank you! Gwen

Lulabell75 said...

So, it took me a little while to realize the story had been pulled. Sometimes I take for granted that some of my favorite stories update slower than others. But as soon as I found out I tracked down the blog. Now, onto excuse number two. Summer happened. But I'm here now, and I'm so excited! I didn't expect the five years later, and was knocked off my seat with Edward showing up! Can't wait to keep going!


PAW'sPeaches said...

*gets my saddle ready*

i wont wait five months again (to catch up)... but it was soooo worth the wait.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so we're going to pretend I'm not a idiot!!! OMG!!! What happened in five years?

Jordanfan360 said...

like i said...time jumps make me nervous but this was good! bella worked hard for what she got/has. sucks that she feels like something is missing!
My problem with the time jumps...WHAT HAPPENED DURING ALL THAT TIME??!! okay, i got that off my chest!

ummm what is Edward doing on her front porch on a random Sunday?

kelly said...


First of all, I was super pissed when I saw "five years later" but now I like where it's going.

I'm glad Bella is successful. But of course something is missing. What's the point of success if you have no one to share it with?!

And holy shit Edward is there! Wtf!!!

ali said...

So, i screamed. Out loud. At the opening of the chapter and FIVE YEARS HAD PASSED!!! wth Jada? But you so pulled it off. And yeah, i am arriving at this fic in the last days of the year 2015, so a little late to the party, lol. But this is an amazing read! Thank you for giving this.