June 7, 2011

Chapter Fourteen

Song I rocked to write:


'After the Storm' by Mumford and Sons



BPOV

He'd stormed out.


I saw it.


The tension embedded in his shoulders and the exasperation that darkened his eyes.


I felt it.


The windows rattling from the impact as the door slammed.


I heard it.


The rumble of his car's ignition and the rev of his engine as he peeled away.


While he'd taken his leave, his words had stayed behind.


He'd left them here with me.


The things that he'd said...the look on his face.


We'd stood in my kitchen and warred with words, both of us pushing in on the other, neither backing down. His attempt at careful conversation didn't stand a chance against the heft of things unsaid, but I couldn't deny that he'd tried. It wouldn't have mattered how he dressed it up, though...


I didn't want to hear it.


As it turned out, I didn't have a choice.


The echo of his voice lingered within the walls of my house. Room to room it followed me, continuous in its pursuit of my ear.


But I withstood...I refused to acknowledge it.


And so it persisted.


Work...home...errands...on my runs...in my sleep. Like an unwanted residue, it accompanied me everywhere with a dedicated tenacity, insistent that I listen. Unwilling to forfeit until I had.


And still, I tuned it out.


But it was patient.


Like it knew it was only a matter of time before I surrendered.


And after only six days...it won.


Saturday morning, after speaking to Renee.


I'd continued to call her weekly, checking in on her and making sure she was okay.


The calls were always the same.


My pleasantries were never returned.


My concern about her well-being was never reciprocated.


She never volunteered more than a few sparse words in response to my stabs at conversation.


She never initiated anything.


I don't know where it came from.


I don't know why I asked.


I knew better.


"Mama?"


"Mm." Disinterested and flat.


"Do you...do you miss me?"


I'd closed my eyes and rubbed a hand across my forehead, hating the way my voice trembled.


Hating how insignificant this made me feel.


Loathing how I craved her answer, despite knowing what it would be.


"What? What are you talking about? Look, Bella, I have things that I need to get done today. I need to go. Goodbye."


It took ten seconds for the click to become a dial tone.


It took about one hundred and twenty more for the loud, blaring sound to come, indicating that the phone was disconnected.


I hadn't heard her say that many words to me at one time in over a decade.


Funny how it was only one word I was looking for.


I'd hung up and here I was, pacing the house.


Angry and hurt and confused.


Why couldn't she just answer me? Why couldn't I just...stop trying?


It was so quiet.


Too quiet.


As had become a habit for the last few years, I looped music constantly in the house. The background noise usually soothed my unease, but it wasn't working now.


I'd tried the window seat, but couldn't sit still.


I'd tried cleaning. If I scrubbed the toilet any harder, the porcelain was going to wear off.


I'd pulled up the active client accounts and tried to get lost in work, but gave up after I'd read the same line of a contract thirteen times.


So I took it out on the pavement...running in time with the loud, pulsing beat in my ears. I turn the volume on my iPod up as loud as it can go, trying to drown in it. The music blaring so loudly that I can't even make out the words.


Hard as I try, I can't get myself far enough away to just...let go.


To turn my thoughts off and just...be.


To check out.


It had never been a problem before.

You know that's a lie.

Okay, so it had never been a problem since then. Since him.


My running falters when I register a second shadow beside mine. My head turns to the right just in time to see Edward jog up to me and begin to match my pace. He's looking straight ahead, not acknowledging the hole that I'm burning into the side of his face with my eyes.


I come to a halt and snatch my ear buds out. He continues on for several feet and then looks back, turning around and jogging back to me.


"What are you doing, Edward?" My voice is winded and breathy.


"Running. You?" Blasé and matter of fact.


I can't get a read on his face. He doesn't seem angry. Or happy. Just...blah.


Blah? Jesus, Bella.

I narrow my eyes at him.


"Go away, Edward."


"No."


"No?"


"No."


"I don't want you here."


"I don't care."


"You can't make me talk to you."


"No, I can't."


"I don't want to talk to you."


"That's fine, but I want to talk to you. Don't talk. Just listen."


I glare up at him and briefly entertain the thought of kicking him in the shin and running away.


Pretty boy probably couldn't keep up, anyway.


Wordlessly, and skipping the shin kick, I move around him and take off. I don't hold back, launching myself as far from him as I can get. Knowing the route as well as I do, I close my eyes and push harder. My face throbs from overexertion and my chest aches from the hard, panting breaths I'm taking. But I push harder still, fueled by every foot of distance I'm putting between us.


And then I open my eyes...and there he is in my periphery, perfectly in step with me. Matching me stride for stride. Barely breaking a sweat. He's looking straight ahead again, and I could swear that I see the tiniest hint of a smirk dancing just on the corner of his mouth.

Since when does he smirk?

I know I have another mile before we...I...round the lake, so I stick to my usual path and decide to ignore him.

Damn it. Pretty boy can keep up.


It's the longest mile I've run in three years.


He never falters, not even once. He runs there, at my side, and the way his footfalls echo mine make me uneasy. Fidgeting and running don't exactly go hand in hand. I feel angry that he's encroaching on this.


On my time.


Why can't he just take a fucking hint already?

With a grunt, I push off of my right foot and catapult myself forward, smiling when his face disappears from my periphery.


And scowling when it pops back into it.


And so the miles carry on this way.


Back and forth.


My trying to outrun him and his advancing with ease each time.


Apparently, pretty boy is a runner. Wonderful.


I'm so infuriated by the time we round the lake, I dart to the right, cutting him off and causing him to skid to a stop to avoid crashing into me. I jog down the slight decline and toward the embankment, holding my hands out at my side for balance. I come to a stop under a large willow tree just on the edge of the water. It's my last ditch effort to, well, ditch him.


I kind of figured it wouldn't be that easy.


And I'm just exhausted enough to admit that a part of me is glad when I hear his breathing behind me. It's now or never. I need to deal with this once and for all. Hands on my hips, I stare out at the water and wait for my breathing to slow.


This is getting ridiculous.


It ends now.


One way or another, this will be the last time I see Edward Cullen.


Even if I have to call the cops-


I cut the thought off before my mind can wander down memory lane.


Before I can be reminded of the way he looked. The cuffs and the dried tear tracks. The blue lights and his face-


Stop.


Deciding that I need to have the upper hand in this, I turn to look at him.


He's standing with one hand on his hip and the other is using the bottom of his grey t-shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. In the few seconds it takes for him to do so, my eyes zero in on his exposed skin. The sweat clings to it and gives his pale complexion a glow.


I dart my eyes away as he lowers his shirt and opens his eyes. My body is angled toward him, but I turn my head to the right to look back out over the water. It's beautiful this time of day. Barely a ripple, the water's still and calm. I try to imitate it, taking in a long, deep breath. The willow has only just begun to bloom. It's slender, vibrant green branches hang and slowly dancing just over the tops of our heads.


When I turn back to him, he's closer. Still a several feet away, but close enough for his essence to make itself known. His eyes are on the water now. The neck of his shirt is drenched in sweat. It runs down the front of his shirt in the form of a 'V', cruelly luring my sight into following its path.


And when he reaches up to run a hand through his now damp hair, I chide myself for noticing how his sleeve tightens and stretches over his bicep.


Or the way said sleeve becomes pinned between his bicep and forearm as his hand glides down and rests on the back of his neck.


I want to slide my fingers under the edge of the sleeve.


Expose the divinity that lies below.


Taste the salt of his sweat on my tongue as my teeth bury into his flesh.


I feel a heat spark inside me.


Saturday evenings slither through my memory and taunt it with an ambrosial nostalgia.


It isn't until this very moment that I realize what infuriates me the most about the situation I've found myself in.


What it is about this man that burns through me like fire.


That incapacitates my composure and debilitates my otherwise good sense.


I glance back at the side of his face. There's a light dusting of stubble there, which shadows the sharp angle of his jaw, highlighting it. Making it impossible not to notice.


Creating the temptation to touch.


To glide myself against the direction of its growth.


Any part of me.


All parts.


To feel it scrape and drag along my skin.


The heat that spreads through my body and settles there only cements my epiphany into place.


After all of these years...all this time...one thing hadn't changed.


I'd felt it the first time I'd met him.


Every time I was near him.


Any time he touched me.


Every time he spoke, despite the foul, disparaging words he used.


And looking back, I could see it.


That it had been there the first time he showed up on my porch.


And the second.


And now...still.


The shiver.


It never left.


I can't begin to comprehend what this says about me. What it means for me.


How can I possibly feel this way toward him?


The only consolation I can muster is that it's purely physical.


That it isn't, in any way, an attraction to the person beneath.


And if I was going to get through this conversation with him, I needed to not be thinking about the way it feels to have him inside of me.


I mentally gather my thoughts, using my newly found realization to tackle my task. I use the frustration I feel about my inability to control my body's reaction to him. I ball it up and squeeze it tight and let it fuel my words.


But when I open my mouth, it's his voice I hear.


"I heard you."


What? Heard me? I haven't said a word.


His eye flicker to mine and quickly back to the lake. His hands are in the pockets of his basketball shorts and his voice is calm.


Almost timid.


His posture is loose.


He's resigning himself to his words.


"That morning. In the bar."


He pauses, and I'm still not following. His voice builds in volume and I can see him gathering his nerve.


He steels himself and speaks with more grit.


"I heard everything you said that morning in the bar. When you were talking to that woman. The day I approached you. I was listening on the other side of the booth. School. Work. Money. How exhausted you were. How worn down. And I acted on it. I propositioned you. Knowing you were in a bad place. Choosing to kick you while you were down."


He turns and looks me straight in the eye. I can't look away. His words are spoken evenly.


With intent.


A quiet insistence that I hear him.


"And hold you there, Isabella. Treating you like shit made me feel better. I dangled the one thing that you needed the most in front of your face. You weren't in any position to decline it. I manipulated the situation so that you suffered either way. So that whether you stayed and endured the...things I did to you or refused me and walked away, there was a consequence. I used you to deal with shit that had nothing to do with you. I humiliated and abused you in a way that no one has a right to do to another human being. I deserve whatever retaliation you have to give. Slap my face. Tell me you hate me. Tell me what a sorry, piece of shit excuse for a man I am. Tell me to fuck off and never bother you again."


He's driving his point home, stabbing his pointer finger into his chest. He stops and takes a deep breath, his eyes piercing into mine.


Assuring that he still has my attention.


He does.


"But don't stand here and try to tell me that it's okay. Don't tell me that it's no big deal. Stop fucking acting like it didn't happen, Isabella."


By the time he's finished, I'm breathing so deeply that the pressure I feel in my chest on each exhale is painful.


I take two steps back, reaching behind me blindly for the trunk of the willow and leaning my back on it. I slide down until I'm sitting, my legs folded in front of me. My hands fall to my lap as I take in what he's said.


He knew.

He heard.

He...knew.



I hadn't given any thought to it at the time. I had just assumed he knew nothing about me. I never even considered that it was premeditated.


The thought makes my stomach drop.


My job at Hunter's.

Could he have...



My voice shakes around the question.


"Did you...is that all you knew about me Did you...do anything else?"


"No." He lets out a humorless snort and I can tell he shakes his head back and forth. At himself.


"My only concern was that you were clean. I couldn't be bothered with anything else."


He's still standing, but rubs his hand over the back of his neck and walks closer, dropping to sit a few feet away from me. He draws his knees up and leans his elbows forward onto them and burying a hand in his hair.


We both keep our eyes on the water this time and I wonder, just for a moment, if he's trying to imitate its calm as well.


Silence settles in the space between us, and I have to be grateful for it this time. I don't know why his confession is having the impact that it is. After all of this time, do the 'hows' or 'whys' really matter?


Yes.


I was never naive enough to believe that Edward was some tender soul underneath all of the hatred and rage. I hadn't been operating under any misunderstanding about the arrangement we'd had. But I can look back now and see that I took a modicum of comfort from the fact that we were complete and total strangers when we entered into it. And while logic assures me that we were, and essentially still are strangers, there's a louder voice shouting that I was...used.

Taken advantage of.

Abused.

Violated.

Was I?

Did I just do a bang up job of deluding myself about what I was doing?


All of a sudden, my justification for participating in the arrangement doesn't feel so solid. I can feel the bottom of my reasoning falling out from under me.


"This isn't always who I was. I was a better person once. A good person. But I lost that."


I turn to him when he stops, but his eyes remain straight ahead. He shakes his head again.


"No, that's not right. I didn't lose it."


His brow furrows and he reaches his hand in his pocket. I wait for him to pull something out, but he doesn't.


"I buried it alive."


His jaw clenches and mine mimics it.


"You keep saying that I shouldn't feel guilty. That I should let it go. But I do feel guilt. And feeling it makes me think that, maybe, the good person that I used to be...isn't dead."


I still have no words for him.


More silence stretches out between us.


He doesn't seem expectant that I say anything, just leaving the opportunity in the open.


"You were there."


This time, my mind registers what he's referring to immediately.


It's an understatement to say that I'm taken off guard by the intensity of the flashback. It strikes swiftly, without warning and devoid of mercy.


Before I can take my next breath, I'm under siege.


Sensations from that night settle over me.


The tremor of my hands, no matter how tightly I gripped the railing.

The stiff tension that wracked my body as I prayed to stay unnoticed.

The shock of witnessing something I was never meant to.

The boom of his angry, wild voice echoing off of the walls ringing in my ears.

Alice's heels on the stairs as she ran.

Alice crying.

The shattering of glass.

The splash of water and flowers on marble flooring.

Esme screaming and crying.

The way the heels of my shoes sunk into the soft earth as I ran across the lawn.

The shiver and how it snuck up on me and made it impossible not to look.

The shock of his face.

The sight of my name on his lips.

The question in his eyes.

The chill of January against the only tear I could ever remember shedding.


"How much do you know about me, Isabella?"


No. No. No. No. Not this. I can't do this.

"Nothing."


"Bullshit."


He doesn't spit the word, just calls me out.
"I......I don't know anything, really. I didn't even know they were your family."


I have his attention. He turns and looks at me, his eyes darting back and forth between both of mine.


Looking for a lie.


"I was assigned a mentor. For school. Her company was hired to plan Alice and Jasper's wedding. I had no choice. It was for school."


My nerves are afire under his stare, but I don't look away. I may never get another chance to convince him that there was no deceit there. And I don't understand why I even care whether he knows that or not.


My exhaustion goes far beyond physical at this point.


So when he stands, I follow suit, dusting off the back of my pants and tightening my ponytail.


"Did you want a ride back?"


I hear a chirp and look up to see him holding a set of keys over his shoulder, pointed toward a sleek looking black car parked in the lot behind him. When the tail lights on the car flash, I finally catch on.


"That's your car?"


He nods carefully, probably sensing the buildup in my voice.


"You parked your car here? Why? And how did you know where I was anyway?"


He holds his hands up in surrender as my voice rises.


"Whoa. Take it easy. Yes, it's my car. No, I wasn't following you, but I noticed you running the last time I was here. It wasn't hard to map out your route. Your whole neighborhood is wrapped around the lake."


I narrow my eyes at him, deciding whether to believe him or not.


"Besides, I had to have a means of escape in case you called the police or jumped me."


And then shit gets weird.


Did...did he just make a joke?


Edward Cullen...made a funny. Okay, so it wasn't actually funny, but it wasn't dripping in anger or disdain either.


I just stare at him for a long moment, confused as hell.


He looks down awkwardly and clears his throat, probably regretting his stab at humor.


"Right. So, did you want a ride back or...?"


I glance up in the direction I came. The hill alone looks daunting.


I glance at Edward. And then his car.


Equally as daunting.


Well, hell...


I'm beyond drained. Physically. Mentally.


I nod at him and we walk in the direction of his car.


Several awkward feet lie between us.


And then shit gets weirder.


He opens my car door. Like a valet type of deal.


I stare at him so long afterward that he retreats to his side, climbing in and shutting his door. Only then do I follow suit.


Oh, shit.

His scent.


The masculine, clean scent of him is potent inside the car. It clings to the interior and mixes with the smell of leather and...our sweat.


I inhale without thought.


Remembering.


Recalling what it felt like to sweat with him...under different circumstances.


I buckle my seat belt and stare out the passenger side window, focusing on tamping down my heart beat and calming my breathing.


How does this happen?

How does he do this?

I don't want to feel this.

I can't make it stop.

I don't have anything safe to focus on. The mere thought of considering what he's told me is off limits.


That's for later.


When I'm alone and his scent and sweat and body heat and nearness aren't looming over me. Taunting me.


I chance a look at him.


That was a bad idea.


There are no angry words or awkward confrontation to serve as a buffer, and so all that's left is how my body reacts to his.


How the muscles in his forearm flex as he wraps his fingers around the gearshift and puts the car in reverse.


When his right arm reaches back and his hand settles on my headrest, I stop breathing altogether.


He's not even looking at me. His face is turned and looking out of the back window for traffic before backing out. But just the few seconds I get of his profile make me cringe. I turn my head away from him and close my eyes, rooting around inside myself for even a shred of collectedness.


It's in short supply.


He's so...different.


I can't reconcile it.


I need to be out of this car.


He needs to go away.


Just a few minutes, Bella, and he'll be gone.


"Isabella?"


My eyes snap open and I'm looking at my front lawn.


I'd missed him turning into my driveway and parking.


The ignition is off.


My fingers wrap around the cool door handle, but I stop when I hear his voice.


Quiet.


Cautious.


He's staring out the windshield...but not.


His face is blank and his eyes are far away...unblinking.


"That night...I never forgot it. All those people. All the whispers and the stares and the gossiping. I didn't give two shits about what one single person there thought about me...my family included. I was...in a bad, bad place, Isabella. Over time, when I thought back on it, little by little, they all fell away. Except for you. The look on your face when I saw you. You were the only person who looked at me that way. Not just that night, but...in so long. You were the only person who looked at me without disgust. Without anger. And you were...and still are...the person I'd have most deserved it from. After everything I'd done to you...you'd have been warranted. A dirty look would have been merciful compared to what you'd have been justified in doing. But you didn't. You looked at me with...compassion. Sympathy. I couldn't understand it then. And I'm no closer to understanding it now. You were the only one who didn't look through me...but right at me."


I'd looked away from him as he spoke, suffocated by the meaning of his words.


He'd thought of me? Why would he think of me?

I hadn't...I'd thrown his memory away.

Disposed of him. Suppressed everything in regards to him.

Every memory. Every detail.

I'd written him off as a hopeless, miserable waste of a man.

Erased him from myself.

It was as if he'd never existed.

"I don't want to be some pain in the ass to you. And I regret the way I spoke to you before. I just wanted the chance to be heard. To give you the truth and tell you that I am sorry. I can't ever make it right is all I have. I won't come back, Isabella."



I wait, but he doesn't say anything else.


And despite the cacophony of questions and answers and confessions in my head...


I don't either.


Slowly and silently, I climb from his car.


I close my front door behind me and lean back on it.


And watch the clock.


It takes him a full four and a half minutes to drive away.














~fywfywfywfywyfywfywfywfyw~

132 comments:

KlrTwiLuver said...

No matter how far she runs, both figuratively and literally, Edward will not disappear from her life.
He's there always luring somewhere in her psyche.
Now she knows why she was chosen. Now he knows that she didn't know his connection to Alice and Esme.
Where will they go from here? Can't wait to find that out.

xoxo,

Kellie

ryan said...

Finally, getting what I need. Unlike Bella I did naively think he was this good guy underneath it all. I love that he keeps coming back. He is the first who ever has. Please keep him coming back. She deserves to be pursued.

adonicass said...

So much pain to wade through - for both of them. Gah. What next? Great chapter, interesting give and er,give between them. No one seems to be taking anything, yet.

I remember being able to run like that, mile after mile. Now, this old dog walks.

No Eddie joins me, however.

xx

busymommy said...

AAARRRGGHHHHH OMG! I know that can't be it, but oh so frustrating! I totally get Bella's shock, but Edward can't just give up like that. He needs to explain it all to her (just so we can find out everything!)

Trixie said...

Wow. My heart is in my throat. So many questions answered, yet so many more are thought of.

Brandy said...

wow! amazing... im wondering if were going to get another time jump here??? loved the update! can't wait for the next one :)

troublefollows1017 said...

So worth every second of waiting for this bad boy. Thanks for the update. It was magnificent. The way you capture emotion is riveting. Always waiting for more!!

XOXO

Karin said...

OH MY GOD c'est si bon, cherie. It is so good i am actually leaving a comment. Her inner monologue is pitch perfect, the metaphor of running, being paced. The tree. So much was answered and yet, it wasn't enough. When she gets into the car, and inhales him, i inhale too. There is so much to feel here, held back with a thin, tough little skin, a flash flood just under the surface. Oh my god. i just can't even believe EBT slept through it. She is going to go ALL CAPS when she wakes up this morning. Best update ever. i would have waited a month for it. You got it perfect, baby. More than perfect, piercing. Perfect plus an edge of sharpness. Gah. You astound me. Love the update, love the story, love you.

Obsmama said...

The way he steps up and opens up and jokes and the way it all unnerves her was fantastic. So excited to see where we go.

Misti said...

The whole chapter was just incredible. I'm glad he finally got to apologize the right way finally. The best line from the chapter. "Edward Cullen...made a funny." This big ole hardass douche trying to crack a joke was just funny to me. Hopefully that hardass will come back though. Thanks for the update.

DebbieCDC said...

So...we know HOW he came to choose her to take his anger and pain out on, but the bigger question still lingers: what happened to turn him into that person? What brought about all that anger and pain and rage?

And no matter what B might think about getting him out of her head and out of her life, ain't gonna happen. The connection is still there, even if both of them want to deny it. He's going to keep coming back and she's going to keep letting him back in, a little at a time. If it wasn't he wouldn't have come back after five years and she would've thrown him out and/or called the cops on him.

It's sad and revealing when he talks about how she looked at him at the wedding, and that she was the only one he thought of after that day. I think her heart on was on face when she saw him in that cop car and more important, E saw it too.

God BB, this UST and unresolved anger between them is driving me NUTZ!!! Can't wait for the next update, love you hard!!! MUAAH

evilnat said...

Such a great chapter! I love how persistent he is!!!

Cant wait for more, maybe Bella wont be able to stay away?! lets hope!

shesha said...

WHAT!!! He drives away...she never spoke...OMG!!! Why didn't she speak?? I wanted her to speak, scream, demand her answers, rip his clothes off and have sex, slap him, kiss him....

I bow at your feet my love!!!

You have me sooooooo attached to this fic it is not even funny.

You are a BRILLIANT author and I just wanna give you huge wet sloppy kisses!!

<3 Shesha

jesyka_haha said...

So many thing revealed.
He just keeps coming after her and I love his persistence. I'm glad that he finally came clean to her. She needed to know the how and why.
He says he won't come back, but I'm sure that he won't be far from her. I very much enjoyed this update.

Amy Fontaine said...

Wow. So um, I cried during this. I feel so bad for Edward. He just breaks my heart. All I want to do is wrap my arms around him and let him tell me whatever he wants to tell me. I also felt so bad for Bella and the situation she is in with her mother. How can a mother not miss her own child? That just doesn't seem right. I don't have kids but every time I talk to my mom after not seeing her for a while she says that she misses me or that she loves me. I love your writing style I think that it is very unique. I also love me a little Mumford and Sons and I think that the song you rocked to fits in perfectly with this chapter. Fantastic job once again!

Twi-Lin said...

I physically have a pain in my chest right now! Soooooooo much angst!!!! Great chapter as always!

Tkegl said...

Gah.... so much heartache. I don't know how they'll move forward. Bella's deluding herself if she thinks she was okay all this time, though. This was all lurking below the surface and she needs to deal with it...

jjwelborn said...

Wow... that was amazing, totally amazing. I can't wait to see where you take these two!

Jane

chrisann said...

I was not breathing while reading this update! I love it when a chapter is so gripping, so well written that I feel I can almost physically feel their emotions. The awkwardness, the tension. It is so hard to reconcile the E from the beginning of this ride to the man he's trying to be now and the man in the video holding a baby! The range of emotions you bring out in me is amazing! Thank you for a wonderful update! Too bad there are no "favorite story" or "favorite author" buttons on this site...I would be checking them.

j johnson said...

Ahhhhh! Bella, you are one tough cookie to crack. And he says he's not coming back. Guess the ball's in your court, chica.
I'm pretty sure she's lying to herself when she says that she hasn't thought of Edward in those five years. "Erased him from myself." I don't think so. Even if it's just physical, she's thought of him.
My sweet Roughie is able to lay it out this time. He is able to say what he wanted to say. He knows what he did and how deplorably he treated Bella. He's still struggling with the idea that he could possibly be a good person, but his actions show that he is. He just needs to find that person again.
I think I believe Roughie this time when he says he won't be coming back. I just hope his words have burrowed themselves enough into Bella's mind to cause some reaction. Any reaction. She's still fighting her emotions and feelings tooth and nail. The only thing she allows herself to feel (and gets pissed about it) is her physical attraction to Edward. I still maintain that that's how Edward will reach her at this point.
I loved Edward in this chapter. I loved that he ran with Bella, and kept up no matter what she tried. I loved his (maybe)smirk and his attempt at a joke.
And sadly, I guess we're pretty sure at this point that Edward's daughter died. "I buried it alive."
We got some juicy pieces of the puzzle this chapter. I always wanted to know the how and why Edward approached Bella in the first place.
So what will happen now?
I have no fucking idea.
The ball is in Bella's court and she's seems to have no capacity at all to reach out and take it.
Guess I'll have to wait and see. (Won't stop me from speculating on the thread, though).
Loved the chapter, Jada.
Love that I have no idea what will happen next.
Take care, bb. See you on Twitta.

Courtney said...

wow! the truth comes out. Interesting. I don't believe anything's wrong with Bella, no I believe that she had a connection to Edward before this all started. Something primal and deep was calling to her from him before they even started their "relationship" or agreement and that's not going away. I think that's what scares her the most. and even tho he said he won't be back we all know he will. bc I think he too has that connection to her. ooh this story gives me chills. :D keep up the fantastic work. can't wait for more. talk to you on twitter. thanks again bye for now

horphan said...

Great update Jada, it's always so emotional the way you write them; makes it really good. Glad he keeps coming back and that he finally got to say his piece and that she listened. I can't wait until you push them back together to see the sparks fly and discover the path you lay out for them. Thanks much :)

Tina H said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PullMyDaisy2 said...

Yeah, LOVING IT. Such a good story. I LOVE that he ran after her and BESIDE HER and calmly let the water take away his and her exhaustion from running so they could take each other in. I AM SO GLAD he came back and I so so so want her to let him IN. SUCH a good chapter. There was enough LUST in her to make it HOT, but he remains calm and resolute in speaking his mind and I wonder if HE is as turned on as she is underneath his guilt. OOooOO can't WAIT until one of them FALTERS and they LEAP on each other to fuck hard with all the passion and angst they've felt towards each other. THAT NEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. UNF.

I waited SO LONG for this chapter and was dying for an update. PLEASE PLEASE don't let the next wait be as long as the last. We are all LOVING your story. THANK YOU for continuing it and this was a GREAT chapter. CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE.
PullMyDaisy2

Heather said...

I was soooooo hoping that she was going to just hall off and kiss him! I really want them to finally understand the others pain, and even though I don't know the full cause of his mental-ness, I would love for him to convince Bella that there is shit that happens in life, but that shouldn't define you. But obviously he has some ghosts he's running from as well. I keep thinking that the reason he's there is he's doing some 12 step program or something like that. I hope that's not the case. I love how you write. The description of things, the pain, and the sadness. Bravo! I hope your able to update soon.
Heather

twitina said...

Every girl likes to be pursued. But how confusing would it be to be pursued by the guy who treated you so poorly? She's searching for the 'old' Edward, and aching for him at the same time she's trying to run away from him.

She thinks she buried everything. Nope.

Loved it. I'm a happy girl now.

FanFicCrazy said...

So, so good.. I'm a greedy bitch and want more Jada.. Can't wait to see how and where they go from here. :)

SoCalTwiNurse said...

Another amazing chapter! I really enjoy this Edward & the visual you gave us was just...UNNFFF!!!!! Sweaty smirky Edward... *sigh*

Luxie said...

So damn tired, but I had to read the UD before turning in tonight.

And Holy fuck! -He actually went jogging w/ her! Monumental progress has been made, but there is still a tall, daunting mountain ahead of them.

So relieved.. and just.. ecstatic to here about his regret, guilt.. him detailing just how bad he feels for the disparaging, demeaning manner in which he treated Bella.

Methinks some lovely irony is sure to ensue; he whom once had debased and destroyed will now become her healer, her encourager, her light. Too much to hope for? Nah. I'm just ridiculously optimistic right now... for good reason. :)

I'm completely spent, so I won't even bother checking the thread right now, but I'm sure its blowing the feck up as we 'speak.'

Top. Notch. As always, bb.

Luxie

lacramici said...

thanks for update... i have not idea what will happen next. you are amazing, how can you do it?
please update soon :)

SnowyHedwig said...

You were absolutely right, darlin', I loved it. So much to say, I don't know where to start... except that whole thought that he won't come back? Oh, Bella, FIND HIM, dammit! Oh. And Renee? She just sucks. Seriously. You are made of awesome!!

Cullenboyz said...

You continue to intrigue me, you thing, you. Beneath your bubbly (wonderful!) exterior clearly is a young woman of depth, or else you couldn't write stuff like this. The emotional charge is incredible, and the pacing is ... well, let's just say that I suspect you have more than a little bit sadist in you. *stink eye*
But of course, it is perfect for the story. Dammit. (Dude - why do the spell-check fairies think that "Dammit" is a legit word? I weep for our language.) So, yes, you have done the improbable, seemingly the impossible, and begun to redeem Roughie. And the kinky ST is still there, bless your fuzzy heart. Weeha, and onward! You rock.

Joy said...

You continue to blow me away. The emotion you evoke is always spot on. I felt it. I feel it.

I want Bella to cave. I want Edward to pursue.

xx
Joy
[runtagua]

none said...

thanks for the update. i had been waiting for it.
=)

Cote de Texas said...

Jada, jada, you have killed me tonight. killed me. i am so upset. this can't be the end? omg. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can't stand this. it's all so sad. i am dying here. why????
why can't they just get back together?????? why???????????

i am miserable.

roon0 said...

Wow. Another powerful chapter. This is not over. She has powerful feelings for him no matter how hard she denies it. He appears to have the same. How is this going to pan out? I cannot wait to find out.

meadowgirl552 said...

Amazing spot on chapter Jada, love that he is honest with her and realizes that out of all the people in the madness of that night and the abuse he had heaped upon her her compassion was what he remembered. I don't believe this is a 12 step, I think Bella made him see that despite how he acted he was cognizant enough to be aware of the fact that he did care about what she thought...

bluevolvic said...

that was so tense.I spent an hour just reading slowly letting my brain get everything lol.What's next for them,will he be back,so far he's been willing to peruse her,but will he stop now?I think his need to know about why she looked at him that night will eat away at him.I actually think that is what has drove him back to her more than guilt?
I think her reactions to him scare her and she is trying to fight it off,it will end up flooding out at sone point.Does he feel it too? He has changed a lot and I think her head is totally reeling from that,it's like her mind is in overload with his appearance and his change of personality.
I love this story so so much,it totally grabs me!

carolamex said...

Darling!!!!! What an update! Finally we get some answers. But we still need so many! I love that he keeps coming back and hopefully he won't give up. She needs someone to not give up on her. The only thing that bothers me with this Bella is that she still has not taken the time to care for herself. Not physically, since, evidently, she can run up a fucking storm, but emotionally. All this time burying her feelings and not dealing with all the shit that she has to deal with. But well, maybe this Edward who is coming back, who saw thru her too when he was in the patrol will help her. Somehow. Don't know how. But you, boss, have all the answers and I cannot fucking wait for more, so much more. Thanks darling!

Nonita said...

Wonderful, as always...Can't wait to see what happens next!

Nicola said...

NOOO I need more! Seriously yours is one of the most compelling and addictive reads out there, Jadalulu.

MarchHare5 said...

So intense. Again. I'm exhausted just from reading it.

His confession about having overheard her that day in the bar came as no surprise; in fact, I had already accepted it as a given. What he said about his motivations, however... damn.

Can't wait to find out if she seeks him out or if he comes back again, despite telling her he won't. He's spent all this time thinking of her...

Once again, blown away by this story.

sami said...

Excellent chapter as always.
Niether of them will be able to stay away from each other, the pull is too strong!

pamcamcris23's FICtional Life said...

Ok, so Edward says he doesn't want to be a pain in her ass... Or does he? *eye brow wiggles* ok, bad joke. But he says he won't come back which we know isn't true coz then the story would end right here. I'm now so curious as to how he'll reappear coz it's either gonna be him directly contacting her again OR it will be by complete chance, which I see going in so many different directions. So all that, whatever way you continue this journey, we'll all be waiting with bated breath. And what the hell is up with Renee? I can't wait to find out more about that too.

addicted-to-bedward said...

They must see each other again. Edward's past is too important in this equation. I can't wait for the next update!

BMor said...

When Bella spoke to her mom, that was painful. She has some deep seeded parental issues that she will have to face. Edward's arrival distracted her from that. I want to know what happened to Edward, but I want to delve more into Bella's psyche first. I think she needs to do some healing on her own before she is ready to hear any more of what Edward has to say. I am very curious as to who will approach whom next as Edward said he wouldn't be back....

ksw3 said...

That chapter was very intense! Yes,some questions answered. For some reason I think these two are tied to each other. I dont think they can be sperate for long. Not a lot of stories leave me feeling like I do right now. So many thoughts running thru my head. Your writing is very emotional, not like anything I have read in the fandom yet! I have been reading fics for quite a while! LOL. I hope at sometime soon for whatever reason, Edward reaches out to physically touch Isabella in a kind way. Maybe just a soft touch to her hair chekk something! I can see it in my mind, then pulling away quickly as he is scared to touch her again. That scene keeps playing in my head. LOL. Thanks for the update Jada! take care!

flyrbrd said...

Love the chapter! Edward needs to let her know he misses her. She craved it from her mother. He needs to fullfill her needs like she did for him ;)

arwen01 said...

This story is so intense and sad that every word, said and unsaid between them makes me want to cry. I hope they can find their peace and love in each other!

Charmie said...

and how do you walk away from this? A man who so obviously is looking for some kind of redemption - how does Bella just walk away from it?

Obviously she did if she KNEW that Edward waited an hour and 40 minutes to pull away from her driveway.

I LOVE THIS STORY.

seeker said...

as always awsome chapter just loved it thanks can't wait for the next

EnamoredHeart said...

I knew Edward wouldn't give up and he still wants her forgiveness, even if he says he'll never come back, even if he doesn't beg for it. He feels guilty, so true forgiveness from her would be the only thing that could ever assuage his guilt. It was good that he admitted the extent to which he intently debased and humiliated her, knowing she was at her lowest, kicking her when she was down.
He also knows she must be familiar with some of his background and suspects she must know something about his daughter. I wonder if he realizes that the moment when she called off their arrangement was when she found out about his past.
And Bella's walls are beginning to crumble. She can't ignore her feelings anymore. She can't pretend what happened between them was not violently abusive towards her. Hopefully she will begin to heal. Hopefully, she will also speak her mind to him in the future, just like he's done.
She obviously feels and knows in her bones that this is the only man she'll ever want, for reasons even she can't comprehend. Life's too short to hold back. He should understand what he's put her through, in her own words. That he's ruined her for love; because she can't even get it that she can have love.
That phone conversation with Renee just cemented her deeply rooted belief that she is unlovable, unworthy. She has such a long way to go to heal this deep wound she carries with her; and if she only cried for Edward that fateful night of the party, and for no one else, even herself, for her whole life, it was because she could see part of this pain reflected in him, because he was also hurt, feeling unloved and unworthy, and at his lowest moment then, just like her. He doesn't understand her reason for crying, but I think, if he ever gets to know the real her, he will.
He's not in a good place even now, if he's still got only his guilt for what he's done to remind him that he used to be a good person.
They both have so much healing to do. And I hope some way they'll be able to help each other.

fanofbones said...

OMG, I loved the answers you provided.
I also love him opening up to her.
I'm glad she stopped to listen.
I hope they keep jogging together.
It would help in burning the ugliness out of both of them I think.
Can't wait for the next update.

fab/vicki

Lulu said...

Jada- WOW!!! How much was I craving this update?!?!? Impossible to explain. I was imagining him chasing her while jogging in an emotional scene so I am so glad you chose that. It was perfect and much better than my scenario.

The ball is in Bella's court now? Will she cave after she has time to process? Or will he cave and come back, because he's tired of trying to stay away from her? Renee. WTF? I can't wait to find out. Ahhhhhh!!! Please don't keep is hanging for that long. Thank you for writing this!!! Your emotional connection with Bella is incredible!!!

Roshambo83

babec8825 said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! I need more!!! Its an addiction!!

gwenap said...

***WARNING*** This review is going to SUCK ass & sweaty balls. No, not the good kinda sweaty balls that Roughie has after a run!

I am too emotional right now to leave a coherent review. I'm not sure which emotion is stronger - frustration or sadness. I want to scream, hit something and cry at the same time.

Right now, I'd like to smack the shit out of Bella to get her to feel SOMETHING/ANYTHING!

I want to shoot Renee to put her out of her miserable excuse for an existence.

I want to hug Roughie for trying so hard and being persistent in gaining redemption from someone so void of emotion.

Good thing we can leave more than one review. I'll have to settle down and write a 'do over'. Damn you for your ability to fuck with my emotions so much!

Great chappie! I'll be back...

Love ya,
Gwen

kas90 said...

Bella has so many more issues than just dealing with Edward, and I hope his continuing presence will push her to seek some kind of help. Things just don't 'go away', no matter how many years are spent trying to suppress them. I see changes in Edward, how he is accepting the things he has done in his life and what got him to that point. I'm definitely looking forward to figuring out how he spent his last five years, and what happened before then that got him to that point to begin with. Thanks for the update!

kas90

fr_larsson said...

Love the chapter, =) that he got his chance to explain and that she heard him. Wonder what she´ll do with all this information, if she´ll take the next step.. .

best wishes, Linda

reve2weaver said...

I love how you capture the ‘animal magnetism’ between, and the ‘circling’ theme so wonderfully conveyed in that run.

As she tries to run away, tire him, show him who’s boss, he just pulls along. Maybe he’s a little exhilarated in the chase, perhaps a little frustrated, but he’s trying harder too.

Still in the end, neither can break that connection anymore they can start up where they left off in that broken mess of things.

She sits with her back to the door, watching the clock tick like a bomb; he can’t drive away.

Sooooooooo damn good.

wolffia said...

"I won't come back, Isabella."

I wanna construe this statement of Edward in 2 ways - won't coming back "physically" (meaning he won't pursue Isabella anymore) OR that arrogant, unfeeling, sadist & masochistic Edward would be the one who "won't be coming back."

I personally prefer the latter :)

Thanks for the update and just like the rest can't wait to know how E & B's relationship would go from here.

P.S. What's the deal with Bella's mom? Was Bella a product of rape or something? To make her mom *that* bad?

Maria said...

Bella needs to SNAP OUT OF IT! I do NOT want him to chase after her again!!!! E apologized sincerely. He owes her no more. She was a willing and knowing participant in all of this so I don't get her :(

PNW Luna said...

She was neglected and emotionally abandoned by her mother. She was abused by her father. Then she was used and abused by Edward. All the while working herself to the bone to make it on her own all alone. She is so strong yet lonely, my heart aches for her. I want to see her unload all that crap. Then surround herself with warm loving friends as a surrogate family to replace the shitty one she came from.

Then I want Edward to observe her once again. This time he'll see she is the opposite of the poor, desperate girl he took advantage of. I want him to see her transformed and being treated like a princess by a really nice guy. Anything to make him feel even shittier about the way he once treated her. He'll see enough to inspire and ensure that he cannot stay away.

Sorry, I'm stepping down now. Your story stirs the emotions. Looking forward to what you have in store for these two. Thank you. Regards, PNW Luna

nikki said...

wow...what a great update!! I think its a sad situation between Bella and her mother. While I like that Edward did pursue talking to her this time, I think he doesnt need to come back to her anymore. SHE needs to figure her shit out now and deal. If thats cutting him out of her life for good, or wanting more, then so be it. I cant wait for the next update!!

fran.richards50 said...

Bellas still in denial since the night of the party, she can't 'move on' with her life until&unless she deals with the issues at hand,no matter how much she thinks it's in the past! Did she ever have therapy for this, cause not only does she need to resolve this properly but she seems to have issues with Renee that should be sorted out. I think Bella and Edward should 'meet' again in a different setting and sit down like 'two grown-ups'and have an honest talk without Bella having an anxiety attack! Who knows maybe they'll become friends and then go forward from there!! Thes two have so much potential as a couple.I'd love to know what Edwards been up to since he last saw Bella at the party.

Arc Morpheus said...

Well, I had to read this twice before I could sit back and breath...

The anger/passion/sadness/desperation to understand and be understood was just so compelling, I felt I pounded every mile of that run along side them both...neither willing to give or give in.

Thank you for such a superb and outreaching chapter...

To say I look forward to the next chapter just does not cover it!!!

Love your writing and love you for sharing this with us xxx

Hugs,

Arc Morpheus

edaddict3254 said...

perfectly written, frustratingly leaving us dying for more.

thank you!

W&M Guild said...

I'm feeling that Bella needs Edward to get her head straight and she needs the subspace his domination can give her. She won't have peace without him. Will we see Dom type Edward return soon? I hope so. I think we're all waiting for a bit of BDSM. We're also waiting to find out what turned him into such an angry man.
Can't wait fo rthe next chapter.

Steph Stewart said...

Excellent job.

nkubie said...

Ugh!!! This is so frustrating. I had this review completed then the net at it!!
So I'll try again.
Jada,
I am again in awe of your talent. You make people feel things on such a visceral level with your writing and that's such an accomplishment! To reach so many people so deeply is amazing!
I'm currently feeling frustrated, relieved, sad and hopeful.
I'm frustrated that Bella continues to repress her thoughts and feelings regarding, well, everything, but more specifically her encounters and with Edward and the repurcussions of that.
I'm relieved that Edward was finally able to get Bella to listen. That he was persistent (I never doubted that part) and was able to say what he needed to and that Bella was actually forced to listen.
I'm sad that Bella is still continued to be denied love from her mother. I really hate Renee, btw! And I'm also sad that Bella still doesn't even realize that she needs to heal.
And finally, I'm hopeful that eventually Bella and Edward will have a HEA. I'm really hoping that it will be together, but if not, I at least feel that eventually they will each find self-forgiveness and happiness.
Now that the ball is in Bella's court, I still have no idea how things will continue. At the very least I'm thinking that she will finally get frustrated with feeling victimized by her own emotions (since she repeatedly represses them) and take some kind of action. What form that will take, though, I have no idea. I just hope Edward is there to help her on her healing journey.
Thanks again for another great chapter, Jada. I'm really looking forward to the next update. Big surprise, right?

SweetLips said...

Did Edward... ummm... open the car door for Bella? Wow. I'm absolutely shocked. This is indeed a new redeemed person we see. There's no denying that a gentleman is fucking sexy and thank God Edward finally found his manners.
I just want to say that overall this chapter was just fucking awesome. Really, I've got no words. I'm really glad to see that the ball is in Bella's court because Edward always held the power and that wasn't fair. Bella's been emotionally and physically abused and used for a long time by her mother, father, and Edward. She deserves a break. She deserves happiness and peace. She deserves so much better. Bella isn't a bad person but it's like she's been thrust upon bad people who treat her like shit. It's time for her to man up.

I was shocked to know that Edward knew about her situation all along. He knew she was in need of money and took advantage of her. It kind of made me hate him but then I guess I couldn't because he was there, in front of Bella, regretting everything he did to her. 5 years later. Better late than never.
I'm excited to see where you take this. I just hope you give Bella a backbone. She really needs to stand up for herself when Edward treats her like shit. I hope you don't make Bella out to be desperate, chasing after Edward either.

SweetLips said...

Did Edward... ummm... open the car door for Bella? Wow. I'm absolutely shocked. This is indeed a new redeemed person we see. There's no denying that a gentleman is fucking sexy and thank God Edward finally found his manners.
I just want to say that overall this chapter was just fucking awesome. Really, I've got no words. I'm really glad to see that the ball is in Bella's court because Edward always held the power and that wasn't fair. Bella's been emotionally and physically abused and used for a long time by her mother, father, and Edward. She deserves a break. She deserves happiness and peace. She deserves so much better. Bella isn't a bad person but it's like she's been thrust upon bad people who treat her like shit. It's time for her to man up.

I was shocked to know that Edward knew about her situation all along. He knew she was in need of money and took advantage of her. It kind of made me hate him but then I guess I couldn't because he was there, in front of Bella, regretting everything he did to her. 5 years later. Better late than never.
I'm excited to see where you take this. I just hope you give Bella a backbone. She really needs to stand up for herself when Edward treats her like shit. I hope you don't make Bella out to be desperate, chasing after Edward either.

misty said...

Your story is brilliant. The complexity of these characters make it a tremendous read. I am truly blown away.
I see now the necessity for the passage of time between the wedding and now. Roughie needed time to get his shit together, at least somewhat so he could admit to Bella how he used her. I do feel like Bella used him in a similar way. Yes, there was her need for money. But she also needed him to numb her pain. Take her away from her fucked up family issues. I wonder if she will realize this. Not sure cause damn if she isn't stubborn.

Elisalovestruck said...

First of all I want to say that I'm horrified by some of the comments here wanting Edward to get back to being an angry asshole to Bella. WTF? Don't you ladies have any respect for yourselves? Holy fucking shit, I don't even want to know how you let men treat you.

Enough of that now back to the chapter. Jada I think this was a great chapter. We got see a different side of Edward but I'm still curious about what happened to him to make him into a "bad" person and treat Bella like a sexual punching bag. I'm curious about many things. Most of all I'm curious about Bella's past. What happened between her and her mother. What happened between her and her father? Has she been abused for so long? I feel awful for the chick and can't believe that she's still sane. At the end Edward said he won't come well I hope he does. I don't want Bella chasing the man who treated her so poorly. I want Edward to really make it up to her. Get to know her. Kiss her! I want him to really talk to her about what happened and for her to tell him what happened to her. They both need to do that. Is Edward really gone? Looking forward to the next update! Thanks for sharing.

BellaBedazzled said...

You made my day. I am really addicted to this story and each chapter just makes it more interesting. Outstanding job of keeping us all on the edge of our seats. Bravo!

lisazj said...

I liked this, a lot: "The echo of his voice lingered within the walls of my house. Room to room it followed me, continuous in its pursuit of my ear.

But I withstood...I refused to acknowledge it.

And so it persisted.

Work...home...errands...on my runs...in my sleep. Like an unwanted residue, it accompanied me everywhere with a dedicated tenacity, insistent that I listen. Unwilling to forfeit until I had." Nicely done, bb!

I wish I could get in Renee's head. Charlie isn't there anymore. I kinda thought that maybe she was as mentally beat down as Bella was, and was unable to give emotionally to her. But she's still a cold, nickle-plated c*nt. Would it actually KILL her to give her daughter some affection?

So. Edward finally got to have his say. I liked seeing him be so nonchalant with Bella's attempts to lose him and/or ignore him, made me laugh. It's like it's pleasant Dr. Jekyll's turn to come out and play right now. But I don't for one minute think Mr. Hyde is gone for good.

But due to how long it took Roughie to drive off, I'm thinking that maybe getting everything off his chest didn't give him what he thought it would. Closure? I dunno. But if it didn't, what now?

Be interesting to see how this changes Bella. It already shook her out of the nice little bland bubble she was exisiting in, and that was before she listened to him. Even so, what exactly did he tell her today? I always knew that he had to know what a barrel he had her over, but I thought he had all that investigated. But he heard her talking about it, and took advantage of her desperation. Well ok, but that isn't new. Whether he played to the situation or her desperation, he still used her and subjugated her. His knowing she was desperate doesn't change that. What I find interesting is that she's the only one he thinks deserves an apology. Very interesting. And now all those questions Bella had buried and pushed deep are right back front & center.

So again, what now? Can't wait to find out. *peeks out at you from under lashes* Hey Jada, my birthday is in January. Think I could get an advance?? LOL, kidding, kidding! ;) *mwah* Good chapter girl, lots of stuff happening! Thanks for writing bb!

Jennifer said...

Its so interesting how this is the the longest amount of time they have spent with each other. Love how you had him join in on her run. She does it to clear her mind and bam...there he is. So powerful.

She says the attraction is purely physical but its so complex in the fact that he was the one that gave her the hostile attention she learned to crave from her parents. Not only, physical, B. It'll be so interesting to see how Bella learns to get over that requisite as (maybe?) she and Edward get to know each other in a more healthy way. (wishful thinking?)

I also feel that his motives for 'apologizing' are still a bit selfish. It'll be nice to see him interested in her life and have her answer willingly.

Can't wait to see how you have him return after declaring that he won't come back.

Favorite line of this chapter: Saturday evenings slither through my memory and taunt it with an ambrosial nostalgia. So smooth.

LOVE IT ALL!
J x.

moflo19 said...

I really liked this chapter. I like that she heard him out even though she doesn't owe him shit. I am disgusted with her mother and the way she treats her. I am sad that she doesn't seem too happy with her life, and the woman NEEDS to get laid. Although, Edward did right in trying to apologize, I feel like he didn't really tell her anything other than he was sorry and guilty. He didn't really explain much about WHY he did what he did to her. Bella's physical reaction to him is incredible! It's like her body loses all control of itself! Did I mention that you are doing a great job? Cuz you are! Can't wait to see what happens next.

Suzie55 said...

I woke up this morning way too early (5 am) and decided to get up and start my day and check my emails. Low and behold what do I see but a FYW update sitting in my morning box.

I was so excited and read it before reading any of my emails.

Jada, you have such an amazing style of writing. I'm both proud and extremely jealous of your talent.

The way you take words and use them in such new and eloquent ways just blows me away and I find myself rereading lines over and over again just to feel them deeper and to absorb them into my soul. This:
The echo of his voice lingered within the walls of my house. Room to room it followed me, continuous in its pursuit of my ear.

But I withstood...I refused to acknowledge it.

And so it persisted.

Work...home...errands...on my runs...in my sleep. Like an unwanted residue, it accompanied me everywhere with a dedicated tenacity, insistent that I listen. Unwilling to forfeit until I had.

And still, I tuned it out.

But it was patient.

Like it knew it was only a matter of time before I surrendered.

GGGGGAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! That is brilliant my friend. That part, the part about her outrunning him and then seeing him in her pheripheral and then his description about the night of the wedding - I read those all at least 5 times each.

This story has such depth found in it's subtleties as well as on the surface. You know I love my angst and it's there but in softer ways throughout that I think help drive the story to a peak in every chapter and yet it your Bella feels soft-spoken and confident. It's so impressive.

You are such a tremendous talent, amazing writer, and HUGE heart. I feel honored to call you friend and feel so privileged that I get to read your story for free.

Thank you for writing for us and for sharing your story. Love you and that badass brain of yours.

Take care,
Suzie ;)

Rory said...

I was looking forward to this update... and was not disappointed.

I wasn't sure if maybe it would be Bella to seek him out this time, since it seems clear that she has not forgotten him and the scars are very much still there. I don't think she realizes that it would be better for her if she confronted her deamons (like her mother and Edward too and even her father... at his grave sight) and stood up for herself, rather than trying to suppress her feelings all the time, would help her to feel better about herself and allow her to find happiness in her life.

I was very releived when Edward showed up on her run and talked to her. He was getting somewhere with her too, I mean she was really listening to him and even started to open up and answer some of his questions, so I don't get why he jumped up and effectively put an end to their discussion... their time together, even stating he would never bother her again. It seemed kind of sudden and strange that he would do that. Does he actually think that was enough... to say I'm sorry, I was so dispicable but I had my reasons?

At least he mentioned how much it meant to him when he saw her at his parent's home and she saw right to the heart of him... that she showed him some human compassion when he sure didn't deserve it... He more or less thanked her for her kindness to him. I wonder what he thought about the letter she left saying she was sorry - further evidence of her really seeing him. He must realize what a kind compassionate person she really is, which probably makes him feel even worse for how he treated her.

She likely was the only person he had an arrangement like that with... he just suddenly came up with the idea when he heard her talking about being in dire straights and was probably attracted to her... feeling the draw to her even then - although not realizing it. I'm glad her compassion got to him... essentially restarted his emotional side and made him feel something again.

He didn't really give her an explanation for his actions or why he was such a dispicable person before. She deserves to know the truth... all of it.

Kristi said...

This chapter continues to focus on the depth of loss that Edward and Bella have experienced. Bella's abandonment issues and Edward's physical loss of a child sent them on different paths of grieving but joined them in their desire to seek out methods of avoidance.
Will they be each others healing balm as well?
Will Bella confess to Edward how his taking controlling of her body allowed her to escape just for a small period of time. Helping her find a small island of solace to not worry about life. I imagine she will have to seek him out in order to complete that task since he said that is the last time he would bother her.
Such a gifted writer you are.......leaving more questions than answers at every turn of the proverbial page.

glo4twilight said...

wow i just love this. i was so glad that edward came back and that he keeps persuing her. he really has changed and i wondered what he was thinking that day he saw bella at his parents house. at least he got to say more to her this time and i do hope he comes back even tho he said he wouldn't. they both have so much they need to get through with the hurt the anger and the shame especially bella now. excellent chapter! love it!

Olena said...

Loved Edward's Freudian slip *in sing-song voice* Edward likes Bella, he wants her to jump him LOL

I wonder whether that look Bella gave him triggered the change. That would be epic. And now that he knows that she was planning Alice's wedding, he can get more info on her from Esme, right? I hope he breaks his promise and comes back. He was so waiting for her to stop him from leaving...

Tara said...

I agree with Nicola--this is compelling and addictive. Augh! I'm so freakin' addicted! The tension--it's tormenting me! Thanks for writing!

Pauline said...

Wow...not sure even where to begin. This girl is so emotionally damaged. She really has severe issues with self esteem and to be honest I don't even know how she functions at all normally in society. I'm not saying that in a mean way, rather in a sympathetic way. Obviously her parents did a number on her in the way they raised her, and I feel so badly for her that her mother is such a bitch. I'm thinking that something happened, Bella called the cops on her father, and now her mother is so despondent and cold to her because she is the typical woman from an abusive relationship...she sticks up for the man, and not for the person who helped get him removed from the home. But of course that is just a guess. I'm glad that Edward apologized...now I just want to know exactly what put him in a very bad place.

Ironic Twist said...

His apology -- is it for his sake, or hers?

She seems to have made it pretty clear that she doesn't want anything from him, but he keeps returning.

Is he unloading his guilt by forcing himself on her? A few chapters ago he claimed that she didn't get to "take that away from me." She didn't get to shut him down.

His right to apologize doesn't trump her right to refuse to see him/hear him.

After all, she was the one who was wronged.

Of course, I doubt she'll be happy if he just goes.

Jenny said...

He is going after her :) Regardless that he told her in the beginning, if she left he wouldn't chase after her. Look he was running after her today :D. Can't wait to see where this goes. She needs to have something positive in her life other than her job. Really enjoyed this update. anxiously waiting on my knees, eyes down for the next update :)

Jen

kat said...

His little flash of humor...another facet of him that we don't know, it undid me. He wants to open up to her and let him atone and he knows she doesn't want it but needs to hear it, for both their sakes.

I love that he runs with her, figures out that it's a way to connect with her. Love the use of canon with the whole "as if he never existed". Even though she's totally lying to herself. She didn't forget him for a second or how he made her feel--the good and bad.

Once again, worth the wait. (Even though I want to lock you in my basement and force you to write faster!!!!!)

weedstert said...

Wow, another excellent chapter.
Bella is tougher than some may give her credit for. Same goes for Edward. We know a lot about Bella's horrible upbringing yet she hung in there working, going to school....all with a goal in mind and with success.
We don't know much about Edward yet but I suspect we'll find a similarity. These two love starved souls have a lot in common.
Edward really is different now...he seems obsessed with getting Bella to listen to him and to realize and accept that what he did to her was wrong. I find this fascinating.
The ball is in Bella's court now....and somehow I don't think she'll do anything about it. Why would she?
I hope Edward keeps persisting. I don't think she's ever had any one care enough about her to do that. She deserves it.
Thanks Jada.....awesome chapter :)

sarah.beal said...

oh please....... give us a quick update. can't wander about with all these unresolved questions and feelings. Don't get me started on the amount of sexual tension you've got going on. You certainly know how to build..... desperate to see where this is going.

Ketyane said...

Jaaaaada you're awesome! Really worth the wait time that is for each chapter, you always surprise me!

When Bella's life will change? I feel sorry for her even though she is very strong, she has many problems and I think her biggest problem is loneliness. That her relationship with Renee is dark, no one deserves a mother like that, sometimes I want they relate "normally", but I think it will be difficult, because Renee does not like Bella, poor Bella!

I didn't waiting Edward would be back so soon (I loved it) and very cool how he cornered Bella in the race because she had nowhere to run him (although the race is a form of escape for her, and the way Bella's thoughts runaway to Edward). Now Bella knows like Edward keeps muscles and all these "health" , running Rsrrr
Well, Edward is persistent and try to get what you want, and finally made it, Bella was hear what he has to say. I was sad, he had to choose her just because she is the most vulnerable, she was in the "wrong"time and the "wrong" place (or no Rsr), he wasn't felt attract to her in the first time = / He just wanted an outlet , someone he could inflict the pain he felt, to punish someone, regardless of who that was. But something about her caught his attention, look, the way she looked at him, so maybe the question "How much do you know about me, Isabella?" What he thought? Bella knows more about him, and this is the reason because she look him with compassion?
Wonder if he ever became reconciled with his family, but by what he spoke, I guess not, and the ties still cut. I also want to know why it took five years to look for her to feel guilty for what he did to her, he spent all this time thinking? I think Bella was the only victim of Edward, at least this way, because he said that made her what she deserved and no one would be the person who would have more reason to regard him with disgust and she didn't.
The feeling of guilt that he has, makes him feel closer than he once was. Does Bella affects him the same way it he affects her? He feels only guilt, that is the only feeling he has for Bella?
"I will not come back, Isabella." Run, Bella runs, grabs the man and not loose more!
Hoping that Edward enjoyed the race and choose to run every day around the lake in Bella's district, a few random encounters would not be too bad! Rsrsr
How these two will meet again, Bella will look it up, Edward will back or have a casual encounter? Eager!
I know, Bella stay thinking about this (words of Edward) all the time Rsrrr I want a Bella reaction!!

Credorosa said...

These are 2 fucked up people! Bella and her mother and Roughie and his past! The angst is a killer. Looking for more from Roughie and what happened to him. Assuming he had a family that died? Bella is typical "my mommy didn't love me". Roughie is so much more interesting! Though, wish Bella said something. She will never get it together until she let's it out. So sad.

~Elli~Iris~ said...

Ch 14
Gah! OK one more posted chapter left and then I’m going to be a nervous reck until Ch 15 and beyond arrives.
Hmmm he is obsessed. Relentless. Still. Bu in a different way. He doesn’t like not getting his way. He wants to goive her back what he took? Jogging. Together.
“…there's a louder voice shouting that I was...used.
Taken advantage of.
Abused.
Violated.
Was I?
Did I just do a bang up job of deluding myself about what I was doing?...” Yes.

“Edward Cullen...made a funny.” *snort* Phew! Now that took a long time to relieve a little tension! He is getting better at this apology stuff, but he had thought of her. A lot. He is thanking her for caring when she was the one person that had no reason to. But she tried not to over the years. Tried to block him. But she hadn’t. He did effect her. Her defense was to run and go numb. Run it out, work, keep in her routine. But he is back. He is better. He is different. This is an Edward I want to know. Will she? Roughie has…grown. Will she forgive him? Will she want to know this Edward. She still wants him physically, but had he totally stamped out the ability to feel anything but something physical for him? Gah! Ok I’m caught up and on edge. Jada, great job. 14 chapters in and I don’t hate hi anymore. What will Bella think. I think the ball is in her court now. He says he won’t come back. Will she seek him out? Iris~Elli

joli cullen said...

ou're the best
I loved the episode
the explanation of it
I understood many things
to happen now?
edward away?
dying for more

so said...

He keeps coming back...here's hoping he'll do it again*
great chapter!!!!!!!

TheRugbymom said...

Bella is so fucked up! Bless her heart. I hope she gets it together soon. I'm so happy that Edward has straightened himself out. Maybe he can help her to make up for the (sexy, dominating) bastard he was before.

You're killing me. It's like I can't breathe until the next update comes!

Nancy said...

Ahh!! You answer our questions, then you leave us hanging having more questions. No doubt about it you know how to get your readers coming back for more! I love this story and the chapter was good. I hope you update soon and don't leave us waiting long!

max & queenie & gus said...

i love this story, thank you so much for the update. love love love roughie. can't wait for more X

karen.follett said...

I first came across this story when fanfiction banished it from their site (dramatic much?) "oh just another tittilating story with lots of gratuitous sex in it" I thought.
How wrong I was! This story is the most intelligent, thought provoking fiction I think I've read in a long time. OK, so the sex is very hot (if a bit graphic and dominant for my taste) but, it is certainly not gratuitous. Bella and Edwards issues are compelling and heartbreaking and I find myself hoping that they find solace in each other.
I have a sense of dread though that the angst is far from over. Why is Edward seeking forgiveness from Bella? Has he met someone he wants to marry? That would tie in with Bella's job if Bella's company is engaged to plan his wedding!! I do hope not. I don't think my heart could stand it!

gwenap said...

Now that I've calmed my shit down, I'm 'hoping' to give a more coherent review, though it may still suck. ;-)


Jada, I've said this before but I'll say it again: your writing style is so raw/intense and provokes such emotion! At least 80% of this chapter consists of individual sentences or words which gives emphasis to EACH and EVERY point or emotion you're trying to convey. Look at all the commotion you cause on the thread because of it. It's truly brilliant!


I'm still very frustrated with the lack of Bella's progress in this chapter. So far, Roughie=3 Bella=0. I do realize there were little cracks in her armor:


"While he'd taken his leave, his words had stayed behind."
"He'd left them here with me."
"I didn't want to hear it."
"As it turned out, I didn't have a choice."
"But it was patient."
"And after only six days...it won."


After 6 days of "his words" resonating in her head, she asks Renee if she misses her. I think "his words" made her WANT to hear/feel something:

"Loathing how I craved her answer, despite knowing what it would be."

Unfortunately, she won't be getting anything from Renee. I still feel Renee needs to be put out of her misery.


For the first time, Bella acknowledges her attraction to Edward but she's not happy about it:

"What it is about this man that burns through me like fire."
"After all of these years...all this time...one thing hadn't changed."
"The shiver."
"It never left."
"I use the frustration I feel about my inability to control my body's reaction to him. I ball it up and squeeze it tight and let it fuel my words."


When Roughie wiped the sweat from his face with the bottom of his t-shirt, all I could envision was the happy trail that led to the promised land. It was a spiritual moment. *does sign of the cross* *fans self*

So, Roughie's words and physical appearance had an effect on Bella in this chapter, but to me, it was minor. He's said all he can say, eventhough I'm sure he won't feel redemption until she actually forgives him. He said he won't be back, and if he did, I'd think he was a pussy. That means it's up to Bella now, but I don't see her approaching him.


I get that Bella is broken and totally void of emotion. But I'm frustrated with Bella's lack of progress and not knowing where we go from here. I have faith that this story is about healing and B/E being together, but I'm really hoping we'll see some forward movement soon.

Thank-you for another emotionally charged update, Jada! You ROCK, bb!


Love,
Gwen

Kelly said...

ahhh! i am so desperate to know what made him that way in the first place. we know he really isn't gone from her life. She needs him, she just doesnt know it yet. And he needs her.

they will find peace together.

fran.richards50 said...

Bella definitely needs him, she just doesn't know it yet and Edward needs her more then he knows! Please don't make us wait too long for the next update!

LetRobstenLuv4ever said...

I vote for slapping the shit out of Bella. LOL. She knew what she was doing and she still did it. Its not all his fault. She should at least hear him out. I thought for sure he would kiss her since that was one ot the no no's in his rules. Cant wait for another update.

IyLouMarie said...

Love it as always. I did a little shimmy shake when I saw this in my In-Box. I am excited to see what happens next.:)

sallyhop1 said...

I've just played catch-up with this story. It is great. Love your Bella & Edward. They are both so broken. Heartbreaking. I really thought in this last chapter that maybe Bella was going to give in. But, no, I guess we will have to wait for that. I'm sure Edward won't really keep his promise that he will leave her alone.

Keye Cullen said...

So the bad boy Cullen is here to make amends and seemingly will not take no for an answer. Oh how I would love to read some EPOV on all of this. You have let us know how Bella is reacting to Edward both mentally and physically, but how is Edward reacting to Bella mentally and physically that he is not outwardly showing to her? Though he is trying to apologize for his behavior towards her, does he still want her in that way?

Many questions answered yet so many unanswered questions still to go!!!

And Bella's conversation with her mom? Man, but Renee is a cold heart-ed woman. How can you be that cold to your own child?

I hope that you are fast and furiously writing the next update! LOL!!

Keye

liliane_moussa said...

JAda!!!

I am simply blown away !! And I tell ya I read the chapter with my heart lodged in my throat and tears ever present in my eyes ( very frustrating while Reading :) )

All right we all understand Bella's parental issues, and her need to deal with them, but as far as Roughie is concerned, hie seeking forgiveness and then telling her he's not coming back is just another proof that the manipulative bad boy has got a long way ahead of him to heal, let alone that this is enough to be off the hook.
What he did is atrocious,he used and took advantage of her, sexually it is almost blackmail and it is under the law a crime, a felony, I mean he "treated her like shit" (verbatim) and he simply expect her to say yes you are bad and he'd feel all right and she'd forgive him?? What he did is so damaging to anyone's self esteem, almost a murder.... of the soul,so let's ponder about bella's with all her baggage !
I am sure that he needs to know about Bella's history and already ever present parental issues to realize the EXTENT of his damaging crime, to feel even more like the shit which he treated her as, so that he could hit the bottom, ( no matter what his history is this does not allow him to treat people and use them like he did) and then kick up and start from there to make it up to her and himself in the same token.

If I were in Bella shoes I would have reacted the same, and NO She won't seek him out or try to contact him, let's be real here, who in their right mind ( let alone having issues and a long history of indifferent parents) would seek this kind of abuse and humiliation ??? I have read so many comments wanting Bella to step up to the plate, NO!! like hell NO !!
He needs to grovel at her feet, and he needs to see for himself the damage and the wounds so that he would be able to apply the healing pomade, and only then he could forgive himself, for no matter how much she forgives him he needs to face what he did and atone not by words but by actions.

Jada you are one hell of a writer, with a minutiae for the details that matter, the emotions that cut deep and the delicate intensity that builds up with finesse and poetic imagery in the rightest and brightest of crescendos

Hats off to you ....for the Brilliant writing and character development !!
Cannot wait to read more.

lizziemac09 said...

Well, in answering some of our questions, we are left with even more. Edward says that he didn't care what anyone thought about him and that, looking back, everyone, even his family, fell away - does that mean he has irrevocably cut all ties with them? Is Bella the only person he has sought out in order to try and make amends? He says he won't come back - but can he keep his word? Will Bella now try and move on, or is she still shackled to her memories of him and her willingness to be so humiliated - a consequence, we know, of her lack of self-worth, engendered by her father's venality and her mother's indifference.

I imagine we can be sure they will meet again, but who will instigate their next encounter - or will it be accidental next time? And will there be another extended passage of time?

This story has me utterly enthralled and longing for the next instalment.

NinaFromSweden said...

*Fangirling all over this story* That sums it up pretty much but I'm gonna add a few more things about this chapter. It was nice to finally get to know how Edward chose Bella, that conversation was pretty intense.
And it really broke my heart the conversation between Bella and her mother, what a bitch (her mother).
And Jada, you're the first writer I know who makes jogging sexy :D
As always, love your work and effort you put into this awesome story! XO @NinaFromSweden

luvnrob said...

I cant wait to see what has him so messed up. I hope Bella can move on as well.

beautifulLiar said...

Damn straight Edward is right! No one has the right to treat anyone like that. Good thing he realized his mistake and properly apologized to Bella because I might have ripped him a new one. He's hot and smooth motherfucker, I'll give him that, but it still pisses me off how he used Bella as a sexual punching bag. No, just no. Even though, I think he was apologizing for his own benefit, at least he did apologize to the poor girl. After hearing Bella talking to her mom, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Her mother is a first class bitch. Bella has no idea what love is apparently and believed that the way Edward, her mother and father treated her is how she should be treated. I know Edward said he won't come back but I hope he does. Bella doesn't need to seek him out, he needs to seek her out. I would like to see Bella grow into a strong character in this story. Really, this story OWNS me! Love you Jada and thanks so much for the update! Can't wait to see what you do next with these two

tigger1 said...

Wow... he so needs to be heard- by her. And this cannot be the end of it. He is already ingrained in her psyche and she will have to know more and know the whys so she can find peace with the past.
You have created such an intriguing scenario here, and I cannot wait to see how it continues to unfold...
Well done. !!

Chloe Masen said...

Won't come back? I don't believe you. Sneaky bitch. How deceitful you are. Bless your little lying heart. He'll be back. And I'll be waiting.

alba dolores gutierrez said...

omgomgomgthe suspense is going to kill me, Jada thank god i found you, i was looking for you in ff , and nothing, how could this be, this story is one of the best i read , and bealive me i read lots of them, this is going running to be publishd, i fucking love it, it gots everything, on it, i need my roughward, but a lovingly please, and Bella please give him some love , hehehehehehehhe,thank you jada you are goooood writing, mwah , i can{t wait for the next chapter xoxoxoxo

This.is.Yady! said...

What happened to Edward that mede him apologize?
Bella Bella Bella, dont fight it, you know you want him as much as he wants you!

Sessahhh said...

I wonder if he's really not going to come back. And if that's the case, will she be the one that goes after him? Oh this is so good!!! I can't wait for the next one.

deesirius said...

I just discovered this story by someone who recc'd it...and Im in love, although truthfully the only thing Im kinda hatin on is the fact that I know you know Edward has green eyes.....yet theyre blue here...so that kinda irks me...its a minor detail....but thats the beauty of what makes Edward Cullen, Edward Cullen ...yanno? But anyways totally favourited and bookmarked this page!!

Jedlander2001 said...

"Over time, when I thought back on it, little by little, they all fell away. Except for you. The look on your face when I saw you. You were the only person who looked at me that way. Not just that night, but...in so long. You were the only person who looked at me without disgust. Without anger. And you were...and still are...the person I'd have most deserved it from. After everything I'd done to you...you'd have been warranted. A dirty look would have been merciful compared to what you'd have been justified in doing. But you didn't. You looked at me with...compassion. Sympathy. I couldn't understand it then. And I'm no closer to understanding it now. You were the only one who didn't look through me...but right at me."

Jadalulu, I am a new member who stumbled upon your story when I was searching for another Author's review that was a highlighted pick. I then read the summary for your Story's Pick of the Week Fold Your Wings and immediately fell in Love... I couldn't believe Fanfiction banned you for writing such an exquisite and delicious story not told by any other author in this dark format... I felt the moment Edward propositioned Bella was because he had overheard her conversation with Ang and he jumped at the opportunity of destroying Bella's opportunity to succeed. In his own mysterious way to fulfill the hurt, pain, and suffering he had gone through.
The moment Edward manipulated Bella by giving up her mind and soul completely to Edward's mercy she had no hold of what her future would be from that first experience when he stripped her purity away...

Once Bella learned the truth of Edward's past she was able to break from his mind control but not from the hurt that she had suffered through her parents verbal abuse, and Edward's mind control over her body & soul...

Bella then realized at the Cullen's house that Edward had a broken past similar to Bella's and all she could do at that moment when she look into Edward's eyes for the first time with Compassion, and Sympathy to find out he had a sweeter side than the one she had come to know and couldn't look at him with disgust like the rest of the people even though Bella should have through her humiliation through Edward's demands, that terrible when he was arrested at his parent's home...

Bella deeply felt the courage to walk away from his mind control and know there was some good in Edward's heart... The only problem now would be how Bella can overpass the wall of embarrassment Edward managed to possess over her body to try and manage a relationship with trust...

I love the way you wrote Edward's transition because of Bella's eyes... I can't wait to continue reading to see if Bella would be willing to give Edward the opportunity to tag along with her new life? I also would not mind if Edward continues to stalk her until he gets forgiven... I could see even though Edward mishandled Bella there was something that had brought Bella into Edward's arms for her to continue his mind control possession of her body and soul... You have done an Excellent job in catching my attention with this seductive and exquisite Dark Edward... I can't wait to read more... I feel sorry for Fanfiction since they lost a talented writer.... My name is Mrs. Ildira Peterson and I'm known on The Twilight Saga and Fanfiction as
Twi-EmmettCullenBreakingTWilight.
I'm so glad I have stumbled unto your story it has stolen my heart with your mind control Edward... please update me when you post the next chapter at Jedlander2001@yahoo.com

I also have a twitter profile by the username Yadlender2007

KFG said...

I'm so glad I found this fic with so much of it already posted. I don't think I could have withstood the waiting between chapters.

Your writing is incredible and though the subject matter is emotional and vulgar your approach to it is classy yet honest. I can't wait to read more.

fran.richards50 said...

Yeh, I'm waiting for the next update. Edward is soo fucking hot, if thats what he's like 'angry' what's he gonna be like when they get together out of pure want and need?? He is such an awesome 'Master' and she is the perfect 'Sub', when they get back together....FIREWORKS!!!!

dra said...

okaaayyyy...read it like crazy.. and now i have finished all chapters and waiting for the next..ohhh i hate myself because i hate to read unfinished stories. I just cannot wait for the next chapter.

fran.richards50 said...

Hope the update is soon! Just loving this roughward!!

writinginthemargins said...

I LOVE this story! I found the first few chapters on Twilighted and went hunting for the rest. I CANNOT WAIT for the next chapter! Normally these stories aren't my favorite, but you write so well and with such humanity, it is a joy to read. And REALLY hot :) I hope in the next chapter, Edward and Bella can have a conversation where Bella contributes more productively haha. And a kiss soon!

Roxy said...

so good that you have this amazing story here 'cause on 'the writerscoffeeshop' is very hard to read and if i take a break and then i return to read it..the page stuck..anyway yeah so good i can't wait to read more i'm not sure if they're ready to start an relationship now it's too soon..but i wanna see them happy after and i still love EDWARD EVEN IF HE IS ROUGHWARD!!

SweetLovinCullen said...

Jada, you and ROughie totally own my ass. I read this fic in just two days and I just love it.

I screamed OMG, out loud, in my house when you time jumped 5 years and I'm glad we finally got to see Edward as a good guy, admitting his flaws.

Even though Bella has told him to go, he'll reappear soon I feel.

Edward is a VILF said...

Gah! Started this a few hours ago and couldn't stop reading. I'm not a reader of WIP's and I remember why. The wait just kills me. I have to say what a talented writer you are. OMG you have some serious writing chops. Your story is owning my ass.

I can't wait to hear Edward's story. They are just so broken it feels as if they will never find their way to true happiness.

jbds said...

I've read this chapter a few times. I'm waiting on the next one. I had such a hard time reading the first several chapters because this Edward is so brutal. I also have a hard time watching Bella fumble with her words. I can relate to Bella in that she has a need to endure abuse because it all she ever really had. I think many who have suffered through abusive childhoods seek it out in adulthood. Edward found a perfect mark in her. I don't know that he has any redeaming qualities because even his insistance on getting in the last word is incredibly irritating. I'd love to bitch slap him but he wants it so I admire Bella in holding back and not giving him what he wants. The running scene was perfect as was the car...four and half minutes to pull away was just flawless. I thoroughly enjoy this work and I look forward to more updates. You are my very favorite mind fuck author.

luv4kristen said...

"Mama? ... Do you...do you miss me?" Broke my heart, and THAT (and Charlie) is why she is so f'd up. Edward can't leave her alone, and finally Bella realizes her attraction to Edward. "The shiver. It never left." Voila! So now we know a little more, he knew she needed money and he knows why she was at the wedding. Hopefully he will come back, and we will get more answers. Gah! I'm up to date and salivating for an update :) I love how you pay attention to every detail, even the most minute parts. You're a genius! Wonderful chapter! Thanks for sharing! Gwen

Emma said...

I've found you. I was looking through fanfiction, and was like where is fold your wings?! WHERE IS IT!! Luckily a lot of people were looking for it too, and now here i am. I've missed this story, i love me a bit of roughward, though now he is rather domesticated, i was shocked at the 5 years jump but I still love, love, love. Great chappie, looking forward to more ^_^

PAW'sPeaches said...

roughie is killing me today. *cries* come back roughie.

Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy said...

Oy vey. This is so intense. I feel bad for both of them...they've both been through so much in their life...can't wait to put all the missing puzzle pieces together to see if it can create a masterpiece together!! This story has captivated me, Jada!!! <3

kelly said...

Oy vey is right.

So now, where do they go from here? Bella is so conflicted! And I really commiserate with her. It's hard. You have a view of someone and then they show you something completely different.

I think it is good for them to talk though. Edward apologizing is very important. I hope that Bella doesn't numb herself to him. She needs to feel. Even if it's bad.

And she needs to stop calling her mom. Fuck her.

BellaTesoro said...

She's so closed off, in so much pain. So I'm wondering if, for Edward, it was just that one time, the time he explains to her that she looked at him like no one else did...Is that the only time he thought of her in a meaningful way? Was there never the spark/connection that Bella felt? Is he there purely for his own peace of mind, to relieve his guilt? Or, does he care for her at this point? It's obvious he'll go away because he senses she doesn't want him there, in her life. Yet, I wonder if he'd like to know her better, or not?
Bella has no model for what it is to be loved and cared for. I don't know if she knows what she's missing. It would be so good to have someone stay and fight for her, I hope Edward doesn't stay away. Hopefully this time, Bella will go to him, to grasp for something for herself. She doesn't even have a friend. So lonely.
He was so reluctant to leave her driveway, I wonder if he was hoping she'd come back and ask him to stay?
Oh, please let him be able to show her she matters, to say the words she's been aching to hear from someone in her life, to help heal that hole left from her detached parents.
I hope you will have mercy on us and update, continue writing this beautifully written story.
Thank you.