Song I rocked to write:
'Crashing' by Gersey
'Strange and Beautiful' by Aqualung
BPOV
I diligently avoid my reflection in the double doors as the elevator descends. Soft dings keep count of the number of floors.
ding....ding....ding....ding....
Each seems louder than the one before, but I know it's just my nerves. Even still, I'd take any noise over this.
Where's crappy Muzak when you need it?
My legs feel heavy and sluggish when I step out into the lobby. Arms crossed tightly over my chest, I duck my head and prepare for a brisk exit. Just as I pass the front desk, Marcus' voice causes me to pause in step.
"Have a good evening, Miss Swan."
Hearing him call me by name reminds me of a something. A curiosity I'd displaced once Edward had arrived. I look at the exit and push down the part of me that wants the rush of relief that a fast getaway would bring. Turning in place, I take a breath and a few steps back to the desk.
"Hi. Marcus, right?"
He looks up at me and nods with a small smile.
"Yes, ma'am."
"I was wondering if I could ask you something?"
He inclines his head, signaling me to go ahead.
"When I came in earlier, you remembered me. How? I mean, it's been a long time..."
It's entirely possible that he could just have a really great memory, but it's bugging me. I have to ask. He answers immediately, both of us unaware of the significance of his response.
"In all the years he's lived here," He nods his head toward the elevator in reference to Edward. "He's only had two visitors. The cleaning lady...and you."
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that. My first reaction is disbelief. He's never had visitors? How is that even possible? Surely there has been someone. And then I think of the guest list I've played hostess to over the years.
Suddenly it's more believable.
"Are you okay, ma'am?"
"I'm...yes, I'm fine. Thank you."
I turn and walk out, trying and failing to leave this information behind. It's a fruitless undertaking.
Even as my feet and fear and car carry me home, my ears ring with the agonized wail of the broken man in the top of the tower.
~o~
I can feel myself...
Twisting in my skin.
Writhing and thrashing inside.
Searching for a way out of this. This anomalous turmoil I'm feeling. That I've been feeling. It aches and burns and infuriates and exhausts.
Everything and all at once.
I can't shake it. And I can't put my finger on it.
It starts outside of his door. I can still hear the break in his voice and the anger behind his fists. I can feel the vibrations against my back as he raged and pounded away at the door. Still feel the throb of fear rushing through my system as I stood paralyzed in the hallway. The torrent of sensations tethers itself to me that night, apprehending my focus and casting a shadow across...everything.
Every thought, every action, every word I speak, every intake of breath.
For three weeks.
Twenty three days to be exact.
I'd come home and carried on. I'd gone to bed, woke up, took my runs, showered, dressed, worked. All of it. Everything went back to the way it was before.
The way I'd wanted it.
Edward-less.
I hadn't heard a word from him since I'd left The Citadel that evening. Part of me expected to hear the ring of my doorbell or the slap of his shoes on the pavement at my side as I ran. But a larger part of me somehow already knew they wouldn't come.
That he wouldn't come.
And that's good. It was the way I've wanted things since he's reappeared in my life that Sunday afternoon, all nervous hands in hair and timid words. It's the one thing I've wished for in between his unwelcome pop ups.
But something else pulses beneath my relief. It lies in wait, just under the surface. Noticeable, yet undefinable. It stalks my comfort and hovers over any attempt I make at forgetting. I cannot put my finger on it. I do not know what to call it. It remains nameless.
Until the twenty third day.
The last thing I remember of the night before is settling into the window seat in my bedroom.
Watching the stars over the lake, closing my eyes as the breeze blew through the screen and danced over my skin. I don't even remember slipping under...
When my eyes open again, I close them back immediately.
No. No no no no no no no.
I open them again, desperate for the scene to change...disappointed when it hasn't. My legs wobble, but my hands play savior to them. My stomach drops with the realization that my fingers are clasped tightly around decorative black wrought iron.
The staircase.
I squeeze tighter and look down at myself, already hating what I'll see.
Dark plum fabric wraps around my body, encasing me. It feels constricting against my flesh, holding together parts of me that are frayed and breaking.
The tinging of champagne glasses and the steady hum of conversation float among the room as I take in everything around me.
People mingle and float around the Cullen home, a mass of laughter and formal wear and obliviousness to my predicament. Everyone walks around and past me...looking through me without sparing me a glance.
No one sees me.
A familiar melody begins. An intro of gentle piano and mellow guitar.
I'd know this song anywhere. It has been the only thing I let myself keep...on the outskirts of my memory. The only fraction of that evening that I didn't banish as I fled.
There's a parting in the crowd of guests, giving me a clear view of the dance floor. A scene that I'm well acquainted with plays out in front of me. Alice. Shoes dangling from hands. Hands that are wrapped around Jasper's neck. Lazy smiles and unhurried swaying. Lost in one another.
I don't understand the sting in my chest now anymore than I did back then.
I barely acknowledge Esme and Carlisle, wrapped in their own embrace and watching the couple with prideful eyes. I know they're there, in my periphery, but I don't lay eyes on them. I don't get a chance.
Because I am wrong.
Someone sees me.
One lone figure.
The foyer and every motion within it slows to a crawl. The murmur of voices, the laughter and the music all dull to a hum...drown out the second I spot him.
On his knees.
Hands hanging limply at his sides.
Rumpled clothes and days of stubble.
My knees lock up and my breath seizes in my throat when I get to his eyes.
I fidget in place under the weight of his attention. He levels me with a stare so raw, it doesn't even occur to me to break it. He speaks to me, wordlessly, with his eyes. Anger is absent in them. He is merely...watching me. Seeing me. Asking me questions I cannot answer. Showing me a side of him that I refuse to inspect. I deny its existence.
I have no choice.
I'm ignorant to what would lie on the other side, should I satisfy curiosity and ask. I am petrified of what will happen if I should so much as wonder. The ramifications are something I'm not prepared for. And do not want. I cannot afford to spare even a sliver of concern for him.
So I don't.
It takes a long moment, and every ounce of energy I have left, to blink and break the stare. I shake my head at him, saying a thousand words that I never taste in my mouth.
No.
I can't.
Just go away.
Don't.
Stop.
Leave me alone.
I. Don't. Care.
His eyes narrow, not from anger, but contemplation. He tilts his head just slightly to the side and I watch as all emotion drips off of his face, abandoning him...leaving only one behind.
Desperation.
His body slumps farther into the foyer floor. His eyes soften and the pink flesh of his lips wrap around a single word, lying it at my feet.......
Please.
I lurch forward, my breathing heavy and my heart slamming against my chest. I groan, reaching up to rub the stiff ache in my neck with one hand and shielding my eyes from the sun with the other.
Wait.....the sun? I never sleep until sunrise.
I sit up straighter and swivel my head around to look at the clock, regretting it as soon as the pain shoots down and around the back of my neck.
7:13 a.m.
I'd fallen asleep in the window seat and never set my alarm.
"Shit. Shit Shit."
I scramble into the bathroom, limping because one of my legs is asleep from being folded underneath me overnight. I only barely have enough time to shower and throw on my clothes. I choose a charcoal grey, sleeveless dress. It's fitted from neckline to knee-length hem. I quickly pair it with a thin belt of the same gray around my middle and a pair of nude heels. I grab my purse, keys and coat, sparing a longing glance to both my coffee maker and running shoes, before flying out the door.
I arrive at work exactly eighteen minutes late.
I'm never late and it's clear that Leah, our new receptionist, is thinking the same thing as I scurry past her and into my office. Her eyebrows are scrunched up in confusion as I pluck my messages from her outstretched hand.
"Good morning, Leah."
I hear her return my hurried greeting just before I close my office door behind me. The mere sight of my desk and the thought of the workday ahead of me is overwhelming. I drop my purse and messages on my desk and take off my coat, looking down at the way the bottom of my dress is wrinkled up and my belt is twisted around to the side.
Jesus, Bella.
Stepping into the attached bathroom, an amenity I only just in this moment have come to appreciate, I sigh as soon as I see my reflection in the mirror. I make quick work of adjusting my 'costume', remembering back to when Kate gave me a lesson in workplace wardrobe. It's because of her that I even knew what the difference between an A-line skirt and a pencil skirt was. And now my closet is stocked floor to ceiling with every possible ensemble combination and accessory I could need.
Still, my loyalties lie in the drawers of my dresser. Once a sweats and tank girl, always a sweats and tank girl.
With my clothes straightened out, I glance up at my face. It's not something I normally focus on. I grab a tube of lip gloss and mascara from my purse. Even after I apply it, I still look...worn. Exhausted. The dark circles under my eyes that I have ignored for weeks are even more prominent this morning. I run my hand through my hair, trying to tame it. I'd had no time to dry it, so I'd rolled the car windows down and let them do it for me. The result is a wavy, slightly frizzy heap of brown. Deciding it's a lost cause, I pin it up in a bun and settle into my desk chair. My phone buzzes as Leah notifies me of my first appointment of the morning. And just like that, the bustle of my day swallows me whole.
When I finally get to break for lunch, it's nearly two in the afternoon. My neck is throbbing and my feet are killing me. I've been in and out of meetings and consultations all morning. Physically, anyway.
My mind, on the other hand, has been anywhere but near.
Throughout the day, tiny little sparks of last night's dream flicker behind my eyes. I shake them off every time they surface. I throw myself into conversation with a co-worker or client...anyone. I'm desperate to keep it all at bay.
To make the look in his eyes go away.
To just...forget.
I know I can't hold it back forever. It's intent to be acknowledged weighs heavy on my shoulders. I'm exhausted in so many ways than one.
My concentration is a complete facade.
I smile and nod at all the appropriate times, retaining next to none of the information I should be. I am useless today...and it frustrates me to no end. No matter how hard I try to focus, I know it's no use.
Food is the last thing on my mind, so I try to lie down on the sofa...to no avail. My mind refuses to shut down long enough for me to relax. I pace my office and give good old denial one last shot.
"This is nothing, Bella. He's gone. It was a dream. It doesn't matter. It's not real."
Except it's real and based on a very real night during a very real time that I'd tried very hard to keep where it belonged...in the past. I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes and slump down into my desk chair. Leaning my elbows on the desk, I open my eyes and look over at the cursor that's rapidly blinking on the screen of the computer.
More specifically...the Google screen.
I narrow my eyes at the cursor, palming the mouse and closing out the page.
I was definitely not contemplating searching the web for information that I neither need to know nor care about. I'd had my reasons for never trying before. And I wouldn't cave now.
It's four o'clock in the afternoon and I'm tearing my office apart because I can't find the Hurley file. They're the biggest account we have on our plate right now and I can't afford not to be on my toes for it. The Hurly Foundation is renowned for it's work in cancer research development. They're collaborating with some of the most prestigious companies in Seattle to host a series of fundraiser events over the next several months. Events which Windsor is planning.
Kate has made it very clear how important their business is. I decided that knocking this job out of the park is the best way to erase any doubts Kate may have about my job performance as of late. Getting the chance to work on something more worthwhile than weddings and bar mitzvahs for a change just sweetens the pot. I have a lot riding on this and I'm frustrated at myself for misplacing the file.
My phone buzzes as I stand in the center of my office wondering where to look next. I reach over my desk, mashing the speaker button.
"Yes, Leah?"
I immediately jump back into my frantic search, upending several piles of papers on the edge of my desk.
"Ms. Swan, your four o'clock is here."
Leah isn't the brightest crayon in the box. She sometimes gets lost in her clerical duties and forgets to inform us of an appointment here or there. She's only been here for a couple of weeks, but longevity in this company isn't something I foresee for her. She's a nice girl, but there's no way Kate will tolerate her forgetfulness.
"I wasn't aware I had a four o'clock, Leah."
I have to work to keep my tone patient. I don't have anything against her, but between the hellish night of sleep and the nonstop battle with my attention span, I'm spent.
"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry about that. Should I reschedule?"
I really want to say yes, but it'd be unprofessional to do so with the client already here. Plus, I really don't need to give Kate any more reason to worry about me.
"No, it's fine Leah. Send them in, please."
Just after I reach over and turn the speakerphone off, I realize I hadn't gotten the client's name. But I'm quickly distracted from the thought when I spot the Hurly file peeking out from under my keyboard. I snatch it up and clutch it to my chest out of relief.
"Yes!"
I tilt my head back and close my eyes, letting relief wash over me. One less thing to worry about.
"Hello, Isabella."
I quickly spin around and scramble back, my ass landing on the edge of my desk. The Hurley file drops from my hands as I flatten them against my chest. Papers flutter to the ground and I react without thinking.
"Holy shit!"
I'm not sure why, but I clap my hand over my mouth as soon as the words are out of it.
Edward is standing in the doorway of my office, which I clearly forgot to close behind me. He's in a three-piece suit. Charcoal pants and jacket, navy blue shirt. He has his hands in the pockets of his pants, his forearms holding back the bottom of his unbuttoned jacket. He quickly pulls his hands free and holds them up in surrender.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
The quiet, hesitant way he speaks the words and the careful way he watches my face for a reaction tells me he isn't just talking about startling me. I look away from him, nervously running my hands down the front of my dress and using the scattered papers at my feet as an escape.
For the moment anyway.
Kneeling, I begin gathering the papers up and placing them back into a pile. And I ask a question I know he's heard from me before.
"What are you doing here?"
I don't look up for a response, and he doesn't give one. Instead, his forearm crosses just over the top of mine as he places a small stack of papers in the pile I've started.
I freeze and look up at him. He's kneeling on my left, mirroring my position and watching me cautiously. I rapidly contemplate all of my choices in the situation and try to choose the best one.
But I can smell him...it's sweet and spice and city air.
And very distracting.
Not trusting my speech at the moment, I continue to sort the papers into a pile, only pausing to allow him to place the ones he's gathered there as well. When the floor is cleared and the stack is back in its file, I rise slowly and round my desk, planting my fingertips on the surface of it and taking a deep breath. I raise my head and fake a calm I can't feel anywhere inside of me.
"How did you know where I work, Edward?"
He's standing on the other side of the desk and runs a hand through his hair before motioning to one of the two chairs there.
"May I sit?"
I hesitate, and he persists.
"Please?"
I nod my assent and settle into my own chair. He removes his jacket, folding it in half and hanging it over the back of the chair. When he's settled in it, he takes a deep breath of his own and levels me with a determined stare.
"The truth?"
I raise an eyebrow at him.
"Preferably."
He shrugs and the side of his mouth turns up into a simple grin.
"I Googled you."
Seriously?
"I just didn't think you'd talk to me if I called."
So an impromptu barge in felt more appropriate? He clearly has boundary issues.
"I wanted to apologize to you in person, Isabella."
His voice is steady...gentle. I stare at him wordlessly and he continues.
"Firstly, for lying to your receptionist. I didn't think you'd see me if I told her who I was, so when she asked if I had an appointment, I lied. I just needed to speak to you."
I am taken so off guard by seeing him here that I haven't even thought about the appointment mix up. I nod at him and his leg bounces a little as he lowers his head and runs his hand through his hair once again. When he looks up at me again, it's with too much intensity. The air between us pulses with unsaid words. Words I know he won't keep that way. He's come here for a reason.
It's too much and I look away.
Again.
"Isabella...I..."
He blows a long breath out through his mouth and sits forward, leaning his forearms against his knees. There's an enormous oak desk between us and I still feel the urge to lean back away from him, though I don't. I swallow down the panic that his facial expression causes me, though I'd be willing to bet my effort is for nothing. I probably look every bit as cornered as I feel right now.
"The last time we saw each other...I'm very sorry if I scared you."
His tone of voice is so docile, I don't know how to react. He speaks with resignation and I surprise myself by believing him instantly.
Over the past several weeks, since he's reappeared from the past, we've engaged ourselves in a battle of wills. My goal being to convince him to let all of this go and his goal being...completely lost on me. I still don't know what he wants from me. But I do know that today is different. He isn't angry. He isn't frustrated. He isn't fighting me.
He's surrendering.
"I was unfair to you."
At some point, I look away from him, suddenly finding my lap more interesting. His words confuse me and I look back up at him in surprise. He's looking at his own lap now, fiddling with the knuckles on his left hand with the fingers of his right.
"My..."
He sits back and scrubs his hands over his face.
"My daught-"
He looks off to the side, cutting himself off. He looks irritated for a just a moment, but pulls it back and tries again.
"She's a very sensitive subject for me. I'm not used to talking about her. You caught me off guard, but I shouldn't have reacted the way I did."
I nod and his words linger between us.
"I shouldn't have said...what I said."
It's all I have to give. He nods and then we're in a strange, quiet place. We're both avoiding eye contact with the other and I'm strangled by the desire to flee. Or lash out. I'm not sure which one, but the lack of hostility in the room has me floundering to keep up. From the moment he walked in the door, he's been different. His body language, the tone of his voice.
The look in his eyes.
I watch as he stands and walks over to the window. His back is to me and he runs one hand through his hair while the other slips into his pocket. Without his eyes on me, I should be able to relax, but I'm a live wire.
"Panic attacks."
His voice pulls me out of my own head and I look up at him, though he's still looking out the window.
"What?"
He scratches the back of his neck and slowly turns to face me. When he does, the slight pink tint to his cheeks makes my stomach twist. He's...embarrassed?
"My, uh...my therapist diagnosed them pretty quickly. They don't happen as often as they used to. Not nearly. But..."
He trails off and his eyes glaze over. For just a few moments, he wasn't here in my office. He was somewhere else, and I have to bite my tongue when I realized I wanted to ask him where.
"...but I do still get them. And I could feel it coming on that night. It's part of the reason I was in such a hurry for you to leave. I...I didn't want you there for that."
He didn't want me there for that. I doubt he knows that I'd heard it from the other side of the door. He stares down at the carpet and them glances back up at me. His cheeks are even darker now and his jaw is clenching. He looks braced, like he's preparing for my reaction. He puffs his chest out slightly, but I know that it's just for show. The unguarded look in his eyes does it. I can't look away.
And in this very moment, I know exactly what to call the nameless feeling that I've been bathed in since I last saw him. I can label the parasitic sensation that's taken root in the pit of my stomach since that night.
Guilt.
I feel...guilty for having said what I said. For lashing out and resurrecting a memory I already knew to be painful for him. Because I knew. I knew how badly they'd hurt him before I even spit the words out. And it isn't until I see the look on his face right now, one that's eerily reminiscent of last night's dream, that I accept responsibility for the way things escalated between us. I send the man into a fucking panic attack for God's sake.
Way to go, Bella.
I remain locked in my own thoughts for too long. I have no idea what I'm going to say, but just as I'm about to speak, he gives a slight nod and walks over to where his jacket is. He drapes it over his forearm and turns to face me.
"She was beautiful."
I stand up from my chair, clueless as to why I said it.
He freezes in place and this time it's me bracing for impact. For his rage.
But it doesn't come.
He holds my eyes with his own and my nerves completely take hold of my speech capabilities.
"I meant...I just mean, I saw her. Well, not her, but a picture of the two of you. On the beach. She was a beautiful little girl. And she seemed very happy."
His jaw clenches this time, but he holds eye contact with me and doesn't say anything.
I can't seem to stop the word vomit.
"I can't imagine what it must have been like for you. I've never lost anyone. Well, anyone that mattered to me. I never meant to..."
I cannot lie. I had meant to hurt him when I'd thrown her in his face.
"I just should have minded my own business. I'm...I'm very sorry. She...she was beautiful."
My words feel pathetic to me. Useless. I'm an intelligent person and here I am blathering away like an idiot. I rub my the palm of my hand over my forehead and close my eyes, silently pleading for a do over when he breaks the silence.
"Thank you."
I nod. It's all I have left.
"And I'm sorry about just showing up like this. Again."
He briefly flashes a rueful smile and it still looks slightly out of place on his face, but...nice.
I'm lost in my head...again, not knowing what to say to him. He walks backwards towards the door.
"I'm just gonna...go."
"Right. Okay."
"Bye."
"Goodbye, Edward."
"And, Isabella?"
"Yes?"
"Is."
I stare at him, confused about what he means. His hands are tucked into his pant pockets, leaving his jacket pinned between his forearm and side.
"What?"
"She is beautiful, Isabella. She's not...she isn't dead."
He slips out the door and is gone before I can process what he's said.
~o~
He shows up on four days later, on Sunday morning. I spot him just as I step out onto the porch and am about to tuck my house key into my shoe. Standing on the sidewalk with his back to the house, he's stretching. I catch myself staring at the way his shirt bunches over his back as he holds one arm up into the air and bent to the opposite side of his body. He's in a gray t-shirt and black jogging pants. He turns then, cupping his elbow to stretch his arm across his chest.
We lock eyes, but neither of us speak.
I walk down the steps of the porch and slip my ear buds into my ears, tightening the armband my iPod is tucked into and turning up the volume of the music. It pounds into my head so loud that it tickles my eardrum. I glance to my left and see him regarding me carefully. Waiting for my cue. I give him a silent nod.
And then...
I run.
Just not away this time.
And it scares me shitless.
~fywfywfywfywfywfywfywfyw~
Just to clarify, the song Alice & Jasper dance to is 'Crashing' by Gersey. It's always kinda stuck with Bella. You know how they say songs trigger memories? For her, it will always take her back to that night. So...yeah......
109 comments:
Wow, so much tension through that chapter. I was holding my breath. And the bombshell at the end, so not expecting that....Brilliant writing. Loved it!
Great chapter. Where can the daughter be.
Wow, so glad to see the update. Ok so now you have me wondering. I thought she was dead like Bella. Can't wait to find the story line here. I also can't wait to see when they can have an actual conversation together. No running away but toward each other. Progress!!! TwilightMother
So his daughter is alive...but is she well? There is so much distress in the family in relation to her that i can't help but wonder.
Edward is certainly determined not to give up on Bella, isn't he?
Bella needs to get her own shit together.
Ok, so his daughter isn't dead. But maybe she was injured in the accident? I just love the way you write, it really shows the tension and stress Bella is feeling really well, like she is on edge the entire time. Can't wait to read what happens next :)
Such an amazing and heart wrenching, tension-filled chapter but with so much progress. They are running with each other not away from each other figuratively and literally.
A beautiful chapter just like this story. Thank you for sharing it.
Wow! I was seriously holding my breath through that one. I was not expecting that little turn at the end - very intriguing! Wonderful writing as always. God I would love you get my hands on those notebooks of yours:)
Damn... I think I stopped breathing. I sat still throughout that entire chapter. It was so intense and wow. Your writing is impecable. Are you sure this is your first story?
I...Wow. just, wow! Im speechless, but still ahve a ton of questions circling in my mind
Wow, that was reallly intense. You could feel his pain rolling off of him as if he was in the room. Great writing. I think his daughter's with her mother, wherever that is.
I'll join those who have said that I wasn't expecting that little tidbit of information. But things are beginning to clarify a bit as a result.
Once again, so powerfully written. I continue to be in awe. :)
Jada, I can't even begin to describe the shock I felt when you dropped that bomb!! Now I am so much more curious!!! Can't wait for next chapter! =)
gah, another great chapter, with more mystery to go with it!
So his daughter is still alive. where is she? and why is he so traumatised from it!?
Im glad they are starting to get on track. maybe they can help each other out... Bella is far from happy and edward isnt either by the sounds of it.
xx
Whaaaaat?? Totally not what I would have ever expected Edward to say. She's alive? It never even occurred to me that she was anything but dead.
Love him showing up and running with Bella.
Oh my gosh...where is his daughter? There is too much pain in him in regards to her, for her simply to just be living somewhere else. Was she taken away? Did something happen to her and she has to live in a nursing home type of place for children? But the way you left this chapter off was really touching. They have this unspoken connection now that obviously is starting to mean something to the both of them, even if they might not be in love yet. Beautiful chapter.
I seriously LOVE your writing style. This chappie was so intense and stressful.....so happy for progress with E & B. Thanks for sharing:)
Great update. His information about his daughter totally shocked the shit out of me. Hopefully now they can start working on somekind of relationship. I keep wondering if this story will be an HEA. I hope so.
Oh man. Alive. She's alive but not with him. Taken away. Something bad happened. Something that made him so horrible before. I love how you have created this wonderfully complex character. Thanks so much for sharing this story with all of us.
Ohhhh man! I am SO happily surprised she's alive! But WHERE is she? Obviously he wasn't always bad as the video showed. Did her Mother kidnap her?? Seems someone as rich as him could find her. Oh the mystery!
Them running together?!?!?! Another excellent surprise that made me say AWWWW! Cannot wait for the next chapter! SIGH.. Good stuff Miss Jada!
Augh where is she then? I am having TRL flashbacks!!!!!!!!!!
So good bb! Words can't describe how much I loved it! This story is just amazing!
OMG, I am SUCH a fangirl for this story. You have no idea. I can't even express how much I love this tale you've created. I literally squee every time I find out you've updated. Today, I wasn't at home when I saw your tweet so I FREAKED THE FUCK OUT in the middle of the mall. What is wrong with me? Lol
Seriously, this fic has my emotions all over the place. Usually, with fics, I'm always fairly stoic. I'm able to detach myself from all the angst with the reasoning of "It's just a story." That tends to work.
But THIS story? Forget about it. There's no such thing as being numb to the emotions in here. Your amazing writing just pulls me in and I drink up every single word because I'm afraid to miss anything crucial. You never disappoint.
Anyways, let's talk about the update. LOL. When Edward says that his daughter "IS" beautiful, I got tears in my eyes. They were tears of RELIEF, let me tell you. With all the angst, I dk if i'd be able to handle it if I found out that his little girl was gone. :( So I was literally like "THANK GOD!" So, so happy. Although, I'm stil wondering where she is.
And the fact that they're running together is PROGRESSS. I love progress!!!
So, so excited to see where this goes!! Can't wait until you update again!
<3
I seriously feel nauseous from the tension in each chapter and audibly gasp at least once every time! Such well crafted writing, complex characterization, and exquisite story telling. Sigh..
Aahh, a little communication has never been so hard earned.
Great chapter! Although the part about the daughter being alive totally caught me by surprise.
So I have read this chapter twice now and I don't think I took a breath the entire first time. So much tension and such an amazing shocker. YEAH! This story is absolutely amazing and continues to pull me in deeper. You are a very talented writer and just all around BOSS. I will wait patiently (or not) for the nezxt chapter. Until then I will look at the blog daily for my fix. You rock bb, ILY and your story.
That was an insane chapter! So the kid's alive... Hmmm, thinking her mom probably took her away *Gasp* Who is her mom?! Or maybe she wasn't his!!! And the paper he held in his hand on Alice's wedding contained the results of a paternity test! *gasp* Am I right????? It's possible :. muahahaha.
Anyhow, thanks for the update it was amazing and the last part of them running together well, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside *kiss* TY!
PS: Tweet me and let me know if I'm at least partially right pretty pretty please....@parra_andy :D
Interesting! she's not dead then why is Edward a douchebucket and acting like she is? hmm? Hmm? :D well that of course just makes me want more and more. lol keep up the great work. thanks again bye for now
Oh wow! My body was so tense reading that whole chapter. I'm so glad that Bella finally had an appropriate reaction/emotion to Edward and realized her guilt. I'm shocked that his daughter is not dead, but I guess that could tie into the paper he threw at esme's feet at the wedding????
interesting developments.
thanks for the update. =)
"Is."
Well, okay then.
oookkkaayyyyy...not expecting this...now i am thinking that maybe her mother take her away from him? something like it...hope you update soon.
xoxo
Wow!!! Finally some progress for these two! I went back and forth so many times with Jo?? being dead, not being dead, I really can't even say "I knew it!" anymore. :)
Frankly, I was surprised that Edward went back to her again, but he is trying so hard for forgiveness, I guess I shouldn't have been.
The way they are now making a connection, through running, seems appropriate. They've both been doing so much running from their emotions for so long it just seems right.
Thank you for this great chapter, Jada!
Wow! That was one intense chapter. But, I am so glad that some positive progress has been made. I never expected the answer to be that his daughter was still alive?!? Can't wait to hear that part of the story. And, Bella isn't running away any more. That's got to be a good thing.
OMG, "the man in the tower" how sad is that? Oh Roughie, my heart is breaking here. The tension between the two of them is unbearable - so much anger and hurt and misunderstandings and guilt on BOTH sides.
What a twist - his daughter is still alive? Sooooo, WTF is going on? The suspense AARRGGH!!!
Now this going running together...hmm, a way for the two of them to reach out to each other without speaking? To work off/work out their mutual issues?
Jada BB, you are killing me with this story...but in a GOOD way.
Yay! Glad she is alive, I was hoping. All of a sudden, the HEA is more important...I want it for the little girl. :)
Ack! Alive! IS! I didn't see that coming. But it gives us so much more to contemplate now.
So much hurt for him, it can't be good wherever she is and however she was taken. Definitely taken in some way.
And Bella. I am glad he came back, because she needs some healing as well. A lovely image you created at the end, with them running. Therapeutic for both.
Perhaps they will both heal one another.
Loved the chapter my dear! Can't wait till the next one!
MWAH!
It has been painful to watch however now they seem to be stripping down to begin again. Friends? Better? She needs him as much as he needs her. She needs to come to terms with the fact that she has been traumatized as well.
Thanks for yet again, another amazing read : )
Sweetflightwrites
I love the tension with these two.so glad to see the progress their both making.and his daughters alive..wow..just wow.
Where to start?
I guess I'll start with the obvious.
AHHHH! Edward's daughter is alive!!!
Wow. The theories will once again start flooding in. I don't know what to think. What would keep Edward from seeing her?
Dying, DYING, to know.
But my attention is mainly with these two crazy kids, and the fact that they are continuously drawn to each other and neither one can figure out why the hell that is.
I actually love this.
I love when the body and the heart act independent of the mind.
And I can't wait til they finally have that lightbulb moment and discover that the other is the one they need.
It's slow going, but I hope it happens at some point. I'm pulling for them with all I've got.
Thank you Jada.
Woah. Monumental revelation! All this time most people (myself included) were thinking his daughter must be deceased. Now the question remains; where the hell IS his daughter??? Does the mother have her? Does he see her ever? I'm guessing no, since it seems like he's grieving in the absence of her. Is she healthy? Is she sick? Why is she such a sensitive subject if she's alive???
Did not excpect him to go seek her out again, much less at her work! But oh, I'm so thrilled that he did! They're finally getting some where! There's an undefined connection b/w the two of them. Sure, they're both broken souls, and they can bond and empathize over that, but there is something else that keeps them coming back to each other. I'm looking forward to them discovering what that 'something else' is.
Jada truly are a wordsmith, Jada. Excellent prose and almost poetic cadence make this intriguing plot all the more enjoyable to read.
Now don't make us Roughians wait too long for the next UD, 'kay? Pls & ty! :)
Phew, that was intense. I can't believe Edward just showed up in Bella's office like that. What a ballsy guy. I didn't think that his daughter was dead so when Bella said that she was beautiful I was really confused. I have no idea why I thought she was still alive - maybe it was something that someone else said about her being taken away or something like that, I might be remembering it incorrectly. I just wonder where she is now and how she got there. Part of me thinks that it's going to be a while before we figure that one out since Edward has such a hard time talking about her.
I loved that last part of the chapter where Edward shows up at Bella's place at the exact time she's about to go for a run. It really shows a lot of progress between the two of them. Last chapter she probably would have yelled at him and told him to go away but now I think she feels bad for him. She wants to know more about him and the only way that's going to happen is if she (as well as Edward) opens up.
Can't wait for the next update!
Jada,
Thank you for the update* I've missed these two* His tormented heart just pulls at you :( Wishing you could make it all go away.
I love that they're communicating*
Until next time, thank you*
xo
Great chapter. I love how Isabella thought she knew what his issues were, but now they will have to talk it out ;) I can't wait for more!
I like the progression in this chapter, now we are getting somewhere. It was nice to see this other side of Edward... makes him more multi-dimensional. <3
So I think I figured out the story... SHIT! Okay so what I think happened was that the mother of Edward's child, who was either his wife or girlfriend, cheated on him with another man. She had this baby which she tried to pass off as Edward's. Edward thought it was his daughter for a looong time but then found out that his gf/wife cheated. He somehow found out that his daughter was not really his. He was DEVISTATED. This little girl was his life. After this betrayal by the mother of his child, Edward decided to take a girl, Bella, and make her his sex toy. This had 2 purposes: to humiliate a woman (since he can't do this to his ex, he decides to do this to Bella) and also to drown himself in unemotional sex in order to solidify in his mind that what happened with his ex doesn't matter. Part of it is because of pride; what he doesn’t count on is how guilty he feels for doing this to another human being. This is due to the fact that he is actually a good person who is having trouble handling the bad stuff that was thrown at him. At the wedding he may have gotten the results of the paternity test back and that sent him over the edge. So what do you think? Close? Can I just say that you are a totally amazing writer and this story is absolutely on par with the best I have ever read whether it be fanfic or not. Love you Jada bb :) Can't wait for the new update.
Ivoryhairbela
wow...great chapter....now the question is where is his daughter?
Can't wait to see when they can have an actual conversation together. Bella felt less like a robot in this chapter so that was good!
omg!! finally hon!!! wow so intense this chapter and his daughter lives?!! i'm so confused right now but why they can't have a dialogue much longer and to clarify i don't know their issues but i guess it'll be too soon,huh?!! i wanna read more cause is so awesome this story and i love your writing *sigh*:)
i was so super confused as to why he was telling B that his daughter was alive... again. it took me a sec to remember that he had never said it, but i already knew by way of my super secret insider info. *insert evil laugh here* brilliant writing as usual, babe. you know i love you... *kisses your cheek, gropes your bewbs, and runs back to twitter*
Jada another amazing chapter (as always) relieved to find his daughter is alive. I am wondering if this is a custody issue OR the mother took the daughter away to another country and he can not locate her OR if Edward thought she was his daughter but biologically she is not and that is how the mother got to keep her. SOOO Many questions. The best part of this is his showing up to run with her. These two touch one anothers souls and bring something each to the other that they are lacking. I LOVED THE LAST PARAGRAGPH. Thank you...
GREAT chapter as usual. I can't imagine what happened between Edward & his baby mama. But it has to have been pretty bad. I always thought that she was somehow to blame for whatever happened because he had a lot of rage directed towards women when he was 'with' Isabella.
Can't wait to find out more.
This was really good. Moving forward in a way with them both. The last few chapters of constant anxiety were very taxing. Glad story is moving forward :)
I knew they would meet again but I did not expect him turn up at her office. The whole his daughter is alive thing was a bit of shock.
I liked the fact they are running together. Maybe this two wounded souls can help each other? Who knows? Well actually you do and I want to know. lol Excellent job as per usual.
I'm wondering if his daughter was hurt somehow...she is not dead but she's hurt pretty badly....maybe she's in a coma or doesn't know who she is or maybe who Edward is. Could it be that maybe he let her go rather than hurt her?
LOVED the update...by the end it felt hopeful. ;-) If only these two could really communicate.
wow!!! did not expect to find out his daughter is alive.... oh my god. my stomach was in knots the entire time.
and the last part? love love love that they are running together.... as much as at the beginning of this story i wanted her to run as far away from him as she could i now want them to work this out.... fingers crossed that they can do that. i was feeling a little hope at the end there.
amazing chapter!!! can't wait for more!
WHAT? Shes not dead? I am DYING TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!
I LOVE LOVE that they run together without words needed. A slither of progress!!
Amazing chapter, as usual...Thanks!
Looking forward to next update!
I'm so surprised. I thought his daughter was dead. So there is a deeper story regarding his daughter. Maybe she was injured, she's been institutionalized, somewhere where she can get the care she needs, and he feels it was his fault. It can explain the rage and guilt he feels and his panic attacks. If she were whole, I am sure she would be a regular fixture at his apartment. Or maybe Esme was at fault? That would explain the rage towards his parents, the scene at Alice's wedding, Esme's mood watching the home movies. I just don't get why Edward persists with Bella. She is emotionally stunted, but that is not his fault.
wow... thats a lot all wrapped up in one lil package, huh?
So the lil girl isn't dead... you better be on top of that... inquiring minds wanna know.
I loved this chapter, it was a very real look at things for me. I almost let out a "yes" when he showed up at her office & then again for the Sunday run. They need eachother to help find themselves & I'm looking forward to the journey.
Well, that was quite the twist, you naughty girl! I don't think *anyone* saw that coming.
And the seeds of a tentative friendship...or companionship...or something...finally being sowed. Progress all around.
Great update! Your writing is...amazing. Thank you!
Another amazing chapter. I was SHOCKED that his daughter is still alive. So now I am thinking that she was severly injured. For some reason I think she was in a fire. I am glad that they are at least running again together. I wish it would move faster. I miss the lemons but NOT the disrespectful way he treated her.
Yeah yeah yeah *Dancing around in the kitchen*
Thank you so so so so much for this update. Progress!!! Finally! Tiny little steps but still progress!!! They are running together... wow, just WOW. Never saw THAT coming!
I am so glad that I stayed tuned to this story. Now I just want to find out more about Edward's daughter. I really thought that she was dead. I have some new crazy theories now about her, but I am quite sure that they will all turn out wrong... as usual ;-)
Great & very intense chapter, Jada. Thank you so much for it!
JADA will note that we want to kill
I'm dying to Saer happened to the daughter of Edward
I thought he was dead and then what happened to her? are you killing so many doubts and to know
please do not delay I know more
Jada Jada Jada-Wow, you've covered alot of ground in this chapter. I really love this story and your writing. It's always worth the wait. Of course, now I cannot possibly wait to find out about Edward's daughter. And to see how this 'run' will differ from the last. Keep it up sister...beautfiful! xox0
@kayjaydubs :0
Very heavy chapter, with a lot of tension. Where is his little girl, if she's note dead ? Why did he react that way, with such extreme reactions from the beginning of the story ?
Brilliant writing. Thanks for the song rec. It had me crying. Way to leave me hanging. The adoption papers were for his little girl not him? Wow
I thought the chapter was ending with E's declaration, and then you gave us more! Yay! Love this story, these two really tug at me.
Great chapter, on edge the whole time. What a surprise the daughter's alive .... so much to learn.
Can't wait for more ...
thank you for remember us, all your followers. don´t forget us so long. we love you, we love your story. we are nail eaters because of the waiting. sorry about my english.
Okay, I did not see that coming! His daughter is alive. Really want to know what happened to her. This was a great chapter, it feels like they're making some progress. Thanks so much for sharing this story. Looking forward to the next update :)
Jada,
You create the most beautiful descriptive writing, I believe someone said "Almost a poetic cadence" I agree. You also use punctuation extremely well. I read out loud to my mother over the phone with the speaker on. Reading your words aloud is a pure treat, it is quite melodic.
Lovely chapter - absolutely loved it. Wondered ages ago if Edwards daughters Mum had taken his daughter maybe off him (poss left him for someone else & moved away) & the letter in his hand at the wedding was either saying she was remarrying poss or moving further away, as it looked like Esme knew. As Edward mentioned "a bitch" when he was "sorting out" Bella. Like all his anger was aimed at the mother of his child. Ah well am glad she is alive cause I'd had my doubts too. Loved that he came to her work place & that he has a dog. Loved too Bella's acceptance of Edwards waiting to run with her. Obviously he feels something for her - she's been on his mind for 5 yrs, even if it was guilt but guessing its more than that plus he's noticed her torment & guess he wants to help, as well as having an attraction for her. She feels an attraction to him too even tho she may not yet admit it to herself. Ohh so looking forward to them helping one another through the darkness & getting it on. Hope you dont keep us waiting too long - loving your style Jada.
This will be my third attempt to review. I have three reviews floating around in cyberspace right now.
First of all, thank you for getting this out early. I asked in my last review for you to try to get it out in the month of July so I know it was just for me;).
Second of all, my apologies to those driving on I-10 this morning in Mississippi(westbound) because I let my 78 year old mother drive across the whole state so I could read this and review. And recover enough to take over driving. I tried to warn everyone this morning but it wouldn't take my review.
Third of all, holy smokes. Alive. I guess my earlier theory about his wife cheating on him could be true. Maybe his daughter wasn't really his and he was devasted by the loss and betrayal and took it out on Bella.
I like how they just are. Not a word is needed(even though they need to talk so badly). Just a nod and they are jogging.
It is so hot how you have his hands in his pants pockets with his suit jacket behind his forearms.
I am still just salivating over the epic sex that is looming somewhere in the future. And we still haven't reached your teaser!
Roshambo
I was not exptecting an update for a while, so this came as a pleasant surprise. So thank-you for updating. I loved it. It seemed very plausable to me, everything that happened. Her decompressing after having seen him when she went to his apartment and not being able to stop thinking about him and then dreaming about him. Since her visit went very badly, it made sense that it would take a while to get over it. I love that she realized that what kept her from being able to think of anything else was her unnamed emotion, she was feeling guilty about lashing out at him in a very cruel fashion bringing up his daughter. Guilt... of course.
I loved that he showed up at her office and he was not angry or trying to hide his anger or any other emotion for that matter - he was real. (Loved that he got down on his knees - on her level - to help her pick up the fallen stack of paper) He felt bad that the last time they met went so badly, and he said so, without holding back. My guess is that he was taken off guard when she showed up at his place and was thrilled by it and was like on the top of the world by it and then everything she said was not what he wanted to hear and of course not something he had a prepaired answer for because he of course had no idea that she would show up at his house that day. So this time he goes to see her and he is not breaking any promise to stay away because the last time it was Bella that decided to visit him and it was not Edward who broke a promise to her to stay away and no new promises were made to stay away so he is being a man of his word. He came to her office to appologise to her, to let her know that he overreacted and left after he did so, because he did not want to overstay his welcome, or to make her feel threatened. Showing up five days later was perfect. I love it.
He obviously can't get her off his mind and is probably still as attracted to her as he was before and she of course is as well and he can probably tell too. I mean it has been five years and they can't forget each other. I think when Edward showed up at her house all ready to run with her, she was acknoledging to hersself that she is attracted to him, that he means something to her and that perhaps there is a different Edward underneathe the Bastard exterior that she got to know and she is willing to trt to get to know him, recreationally at least - as her running partner to let him into her life. She is giving him a chance. He, I think is hoping to convince her that he is not just the bastard she got to know five years ago. Cool. Really cool. I seriously can't wait to see what happens next.
You're exceptional, I love the way you write, and how to develop the Bella's thoughts .
Bella and Edward are very similar, both have problems in their past lest can not digest and they are alone and lonely.
Bella's dreams are a very nice part of your text, is a way of Bella expressing what is inside her, which she tries drown, but it serves to realize that something is wrong.
Finally! Finally they talk like normal people, almost like normal people, they still have a long way to go, but it was a start. I still not quite understand what Edward wants, what he really feels for Bella, I think it's not just guilt. Edward responded well to mention that Bella has made about his daughter and more so, he managed to talk to Bella about the daughter, he somehow relies on Bella and maybe he see Bella how someone who can help him, maybe he identifies with she.
The little girl is alive! Where? Who took his daughter away?
Panic Attacks, uh, it was for this reason that Bella had to "flee" from Edward's home after every "sex session" five years ago?
Edward and Bella have to start living, because they only survived; hours to debug the past and run for happiness.
I love Edward and Bella runs together, this will be a way to make them more comfortable with the presence of each other, without forcing a bar, and without saying too much, although I'm anxious for them to talk more than half a dozen words and begin building a relationship.
I'm not surprised that the daughter it's alive. In fact I always thought she was alive and the problem that Edward is having is that is not HIS daughter but the mother make him believe that it was his daughter until she got discovered or she got tired of him and told him the truth.
Great story, I can't wait for what's coming next. You are killing me with the tension but it makes the story interesting so I'm ok with it. Please update soon :)
So okay , you got me here, is she in a coma , mabe she drawn in the ocean, omg this gets better and better, Hey Jada thanks for posting, i was going crazy hehehehehe, And omg when Bella starts thinking i'm so afraid he's gonna leave before she start speaking lol, so are we near some fluffyness, or a little lemon ???????
You don't need another fangirl telling you how great you are... but I can't wait for the next installment, cos well, you're great :P
Oh good...at least Edward’s daughter isn't dead. Maybe he still has a chance at recovering his relationship with her, for it is the only way I see for his pain to heal. He came to Bella and apologized, although she hurt him. I take that as a sign that he is healing. And even though Isabella does her best to continue being emotionally stunted, her emotions are fighting to be acknowledged. She could recognize her guilt over what she told Edward and that's a huge step forward. I think they stand a good chance at bonding over their pains and inadequacies. He might prove to be as attracted to her as she is to him…just saying…
Wow, this story is owning me - I just cannot guess what is going to happen - did not expect that his child would be alive! Great chapter...
Jada, this chapter was certainly filled with so much tension in the beginning. I loved how Bella could not contain her curiosity with how Marcus remembered her. Your bombshell about his daughter being alive was shocking as it always seemed to suggest that she had died. Now I wonder is it perhaps that he was led to believe that she had died as she is not his biological daughter or is there some other reason? Finally they are running with each other instead of away from each other. Props to Edward for not giving up on Bella. This story has me so intrigued and I can't wait for the next update;)
Wow
from sadness and guilt and pain over that wedding to total confusion
I thought perhaps there was some accident, some incident that took his daughter's life
Now it just took his daughter
and his ability to live
I wonder if the court ordered him to therapy, after the incident at the wedding ,,, that takes time
sigh
mystery!
Reb
Please don't take this in the wrong way because I mean it in a very GOOD way - I think I found my MOTU replacement! So glad I found your fanfic and am so looking forward to being a voyeur into the lives of your Bella and Edward.
Wow! What a chapter! Dare I say it but I kind of feel a teeny bit of hope! I can not wait to find out about his daughter. I suspect that Alice might have done something and Esme kept it from him but maybe that is just because I really don't like Alice. Thanks for the update.
As always, I am grateful for the update of one of the most intriguing, tense, and damned frustrating stories that I'm reading! Really, it is truly a pleasure to read every update you post, and I down them like liqour!
I just am so anxiously waiting for them to finally come together in an immaculate culmination of anger, resentment, guilt, lust, desire, rage and just plain f*ck it out!
Melissa. ;)
I am so glad I found FYW! I love this fic so much and this update was amazing!
I really wasn't expecting Edward's daughter not to be dead. My jaw was on the floor! :o
Can't wait for the next update Jada :)
Wow...I wasn't expecting his daughter to be alive. Now you know we all need to hear what that's all about.
I am glad he keeps coming back. Whether she likes it or not. But we know she needs him. So good!! I'm dying to know what happens next :)
Gracias por esta maravillosa historia
I read a comment here that said that the mother lied and that it's really not his daughter. I totally think that as well. He obviously loves this little girl and I'm thinking the only reason she's not part of his life is because she's not his. That's were the anger and total lack in faith in women would stem from. The panic attacks would be obvious...you get torn from the child whom you believed was yours and would raise anyway given the chance.
I'm thinking he knows that he's damaged Bella to some extent and probably wants to make sure she's ok. I mean he was pretty brutal and if he's in therapy must suspect that Bella was greatly affected. I mean she hasn't been able to have a relationship physical or otherwise in 5 years.
I hope they can be friends and eventually try at a relationship but not before he knows about Charlie and her mother.
I mean, come on...if we combine roughie with some intense romantic feelings for each other...phew!!!
Hmm, interesting. I'm digging on the "not his kid" theories, but I'm not really much of a theorist. I just like to take what comes, as it comes. Can't wait for more!
Lula
Amazing chapter, I love that his daughter is not dead. I think his ex cheated on him with maybe a close friend of his and she took their child and he could'nt find them. I think the paper document he had at the wedding was clarification of their whereabouts but they did not tell Edward due to him being in such a dark dark place. He takes out his pain and frustration/hate on Bella, as if he is punishing his ex.
I truly hope Bella and Edward find love and heal each other. They have a lot of bridges to build though because he was a total freak. I am sure I would not be able to forgive someone who treated me so bad. We shall see if he redeems himself and turns out to be a lovely man..thank you for this story, read it in one night..amazing!!
Um...wow:
"In all the years he's lived here," He nods his head toward the elevator in reference to Edward. "He's only had two visitors. The cleaning lady...and you."
Great line:
Even as my feet and fear and car carry me home, my ears ring with the agonized wail of the broken man in the top of the tower.
And IS, huh? Very interesting. As in alive now or alive metaphorically?
Edward pops up then apologizes for just showing up...then does it again. All of the sudden he cannot stay away? I am finding this all very interesting.
Keye
Yay. I had this story on alerts in fanfiction and just assumed that you weren't writing for awhile. I just read Strange Brew and this was rec'd so I went looking to see what happened and saw that you moved here. I love the story. Thanks for writing.
OH MY GOD ! Again You Deliver !!! ( I tried not to say OMIGOD ) couldn't !!
Another absolutely breathtaking chapter!
I won't tire repeating how much I "feast" on the details you use to paint every single emotion of both Bella and Edward. Said details, combined with the adequate words, which you keep balanced so efficiently and never side-tracking into the boring, or stuffing,is really a talent all on its own (not many writers do have) hence the reader asks for more.
I had my suspicions about his daughter not being dead, but in a hospital or a medical facility for health reasons ?? ( accidents, congenital or heredity disease ) ?? Anyway you will explain in the coming chapters.
I also like the pace of the progress this Duo make, a very realistic pace, emotions are a tricky business, hence both need time to step towards one another, not mentioning that both have issues to deal with.
I also admire how you keep the same standards, chapter after chapter,no faltering, no deviating to the easy and fast....again the unmistakable sign of solid Talent.
Each Idea thoroughly thought and mostly Felt by you, written afterwards, delivering the same result, which is, We readers "OH MY GOD"-ing and reading each chapter more than once to make the pleasure linger !
Every single chapter is worth the wait, and being logical such an amazingly well written story, cannot but take time :)
Jada, Thank you for sharing your talent with us via your writing :)
Please never stop writing, ever, or the world would lose a true treasure.
Holy shit... THAT was unexpected.
Why the intense reaction then ?
Excellent chapter...
Is it a truce now ? Will they get closer ? What is the story ? Oh my more curious now than ever !!!
This story is soo amazing! I read it in one day, and I am begging for more soon! It's absolutely stunning, and that last part was so shocking! I can't believe that his daughter is still alive! OMG, please post more soon!
Admire your crafting of the delicate dance Edward and Bella are doing to re-establish ties with each other. Not that their words are gentle [quite the opposite], but their emotions are so threadbare and must be treated with honesty and care before any breakthrough can genuine take place.
Your writing is breathtaking all the way through, as is plot development and minor story arcs.
It's been an absolute page turner.
Thank you,
red
o wow. so much revealed in this chapter. jogward is fucking hot. i love that she went to his place, i adore that he keeps showing up at hers and im on fire just thinking about how the next lemon between these two is gonna go down.
So, this chapter was amazing. I think i gasped when he said his daughter is alive- that was not what i was expecting at all. I love the slow nature of the story now- we are learning the pain they've both been dealing with, but the layers are being peeled away at this pace to actually understand the honesty behind their stories and the emotions as well.
Your writing style- truly amazing! I usually don't read WIP but i couldn't wait any longer and i'm glad that i didn't. Time to get back to the next chapter and then pray that the update will come soon.
Oh what to say. I'm the worst reviewer ever. I loved this chapter cuz Bella really is starting to show just a bit more of her true feelings actually a huge step for both reaching out the way they did. Your writing style is almost poetic. It's soothing and intense at the same time. I love the way they banter to each other and you can dance around between the two characters. Thanks love!
A corner turned perhaps??? Gah, I hope so!!!! These two need to see a glimmer of hope or happiness...something!!!
Woah, woah, wooooah. His daughter is still alive?!? What the flip?
Good chapter... I'm just a little stunned by that last part.
I have more respect for Edward that he isn't just giving up.
So maybe his wife/his daughters mother, took off with her and left him. Maybe that's why he was trying to punish Bella, taking out his anger at losing his daughter to a manipulating woman? I wonder why he's so pissed at his mother? And is she his "real" mother?
You've got me on pins and needles with all my wondering. Can't tell if this is a love story, mystery, or smut fest. Suppose it's all of those.
It's hard to describe your writing and so I won't try again, enough to say it's wonderful.
I'm so happy Edward showed up and that Bella allowed him to silently join her. I think these two are suffering the same pain. Seems no one loves them for who they are, don't "see" them. That's why it was so important when Bella "saw him" like no one else has been able to that day in the police car. She could relate, she cared. I don't think she wants to admit that, that she cares. I don't think she knows what that feels like. I think Bella is in need of some therapy too.
I hope Edward and she help heal each other.
Yay! I have missed this, and was so happy to see that I'm not as far behind as I thouhgt! :)
It's been a long time since I read the last chapter, but I can still feel how raw it made me feel, just like it was yesterday. So I think my sympathy for Roughie is still front & center. Because the thought of no visitors for as long as he's lived at the Citadel, except for Bella....damn. It would be hard to keep yourself together, with only your own headspace for company. It has been for Bella.
I'm not at all surprised that Bella can't settle, her guilt at what she did is eating her up. As bad as Bella's life treated, as hurtful as the people in her life had been, including Edward, she was never hurtful back. What she said to him was downright cruel. If he hadn't sought her out again, would she have ended up trying to see him, to apologize in some way, if only for her own relief?
I wonder if the reason that Edward is so drawn to her is because he recognizes a kindred spirit in Bella? He knows that she's just as damaged as he is, albeit in different ways.
So he shows up at her work, and it's sort of cordial. For them especially. Even though Bella is a bundle of nerves, the thing that strikes me is how nervous & hesitant Edward is. Because that definitely isn't the Edward that used to be. Is he that way all the time or only with Bella?
And his baby isn't dead. So who has her? Her mother, that apparently never wanted her when she was in Edward's life? I really want to know where she is. I can't imagine anywhere that Roughie's reach doesn't extend.
And then Edward shows back up, to run with Bella. And even though she's a little unsettled by the fact that he's there, she accepts him. Is all this because neither of them can sustain their masks anymore, without someone to share the underneath with, even if this isn't something they've discussed or agreed to do? Or maybe even acknowledged to themselves, much less each other. Therapists don't count, because even if you can talk to them about your pain, they don't feel it.
I'm glad I started reading again. :) Even if Roughie & Bella tie my emotions up in a big, tight knot, I love reading your words and seeing both of them trying to maybe untwist their own knots.
At least I get to read a couple more chapters without having to wait, LOL. ;)
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