April 10, 2012

Chapter Twenty


Songs I rocked to write:

'Transatlanticism' by Wenzel Templeton & Robert Pegg

'Holding a Heart' by Girl Named Toby






BPOV





I can feel that something has changed between us. An anomalous shift in our dynamic. And while I am cognizant of it, I don't know what it means...or what to do with it.

How to act.

How to stay.

How not to flee.

There are moments when he's nearby that my feet squirm inside my shoes and my eyes scan for an exit.

For escape.

I'm not naïve about the last time I lost control around him. I remember what happened as a result. What happened when I abandoned my instincts in favor of a momentary release.

Yet somewhere inside of me, tucked away too far to override my practiced defenses, there is a growing curiosity. A splinter of intrigue embedded in the thick skin of the very isolation I had depended on. It doesn't call attention to itself, lying in wait and giving no cause for removal. But as time passes and he moves closer, I know that it will begin to irritate me. To fester and infect everything around it and soon, I will have no other choice but to tend to it. To inspect and analyze this hunkering part of myself that isn't happy in the shadows.

The part that wonders what the sunlight would feel like on my skin.

The part that imagines how the world would look if I surrendered the death grip I keep on my armor.

The very part that, for the time being, causes me to forget to wish Edward Cullen away.







~o~







Are you busy tomorrow?”

Why?”

I don't know about you, but I could use a change of scenery.”

I look over at him and try to guess where he's going with this. It's been a week since that night outside the restaurant. I wouldn't say things are easier between us, but we've progressed from painful awkwardness.

What are you talking about?”

He raises his eyebrows in challenge.

Are you busy tomorrow?”

I narrow my eyes at him in annoyance. He's taken up doing this. Being intentionally antagonistic to coax words from me. What's even more annoying is that it works most of the time, though sometimes not in the way he intends it to.

It depends on why you're asking.”

It seems the annoyance has transferred to his side of the bench. He rolls his eyes at me and looks out over the lake.

I thought maybe we could... do something. Maybe get some lunch?”

He still isn't looking at me and it gives me the opportunity to watch him. Over the last week, I've noticed things about him. Small, inconsequential things.

The way his mouth purses when he's thinking.

The way he cups one hand over the other to crack his knuckles.

And his eyes. I'd spent so long avoiding his stare. I'm not sure exactly when I stopped, maybe when he stopped pushing so hard, but they're his tell. He holds everything behind them in this severe kind of way. His eyes give him away every time.

I can't see his eyes right now, but his leg is bouncing and he scratches the fingers of one hand through his hair. I don't realize how long I've stayed silent, but he must interpret it as an answer.

We don't have to. It was just an idea, Isabella. I just thought... Just never mind.”

He's suppressing his irritation. His voice is tight and his smile is small and weak, slipping from his face too quick to be genuine. He sighs and looks away again.

Just like that, any lightness has vanished. He's frustrated and I feel ridiculous for being the one that makes all of this so difficult. But I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to relax into this with him. He's admitted to feeling guilty about our past. It's that guilt that prevents me from feeling like anything more than an obligation to him.

Even still, I haven't lost the spark of defiance that I first felt Friday night sitting on that bench with him. I can do this. I take a deep breath and plunge in.

Okay.”

He looks up, surprised and maybe even a little skeptical. He regards me the same way he did Friday night when I displayed my ability to be humorous. The expression on his face is almost comical.

Okay?”

Okay.”

Slowly, he nods his head and purses his lips.

Okay.”

He crosses his arms over his chest and relaxes against the bench, the embodiment of casual and aloof. But as he glances over at me one last time, I catch it. A glint of something. A flash of satisfaction.

His eyes give him away every time.







~o~







He doesn't show the next morning to run. Once I'm back home, showered and dressed, I still have almost three hours before I have to leave. So I kill the time with cleaning and running errands. Before I know it, it's half past eleven and I'm backing out of my driveway. When he'd suggested we meet at a diner in downtown Seattle, I was hesitant. Avoiding that part of town has become ingrained in me, but I bit my tongue, not wanting to explain to him why.


Walking through the entrance of The Haymount, I'm greeted immediately by the hostess and give her Edward's name. It feels familiar somehow, to be associated with him this way. I'm escorted toward the back of the restaurant to where Edward is sitting at a two-seater table. His dark blue suit jacket hangs on the back of his chair and he's busy looking down at his phone. When he hears our approach, he pockets his phone and stands. I recognize the gesture, of course I do, but it slows my steps and I pause before I sit. The hostess looks between Edward and I as she places a menu on the table in front of me.

“Ma'am, is everything okay?”

Edward furrows his brow and gives me a questioning look that only serves to make me feel ridiculous for the way I'm reacting to simple etiquette. I swallow and look at her.

“Fine. Everything is fine, thank you.”

I quickly settle into my chair as Edward lowers himself into his. He smoothes the palm of his hand down the front of his tie to keep it from lying on the table top. It's a dark burgundy color the contrast of his pale skin against is... beautiful. I realize that he's still watching me and busy myself with unfolding my napkin and sliding it across my lap. The hostess leaves as out waiter approaches.

“What can I get you to drink?”

“Water with lime, please?”

“I'll be right back with that, ma'am.”

Edward breaks the silence once the waiter walks away.

“Lime?”

I shrug my shoulders at him, unused to explaining my preferences. Silence settles between us again as I browse the menu. The waiter returns with my water and asks what we'd like to eat. I decide on a simple salad and bowl of soup, but Edward surprises me with his order. I guess I just never took him for a burger and fries kind of guy.

Once the waiter is gone again, I smooth the napkin across the top of my thighs and try to think of a safe conversation topic. When I look up at Edward, he's sipping his own ice water and I take a small amount of comfort in knowing that he looks as clueless as I feel right now. When he sets his glass down, I decide to bite the bullet. I blurt the words out before I can over think them.

“You're different.”

As soon as I say it, I splutter through an explanation.

“I... I just meant...you aren't as... That you used to be-”

“An asshole?”

“That isn't what I was going to say.”

“I'm sure you were thinking it.”

I was.

“You can say it, Isabella. I think you've earned it.”

He speaks the last five words with a sincerity so fierce that I have to look away from him.

“So... event planning, huh?”

I'm grateful for the subject change, but not crazy about the direction it's taking us.

“Uh... yeah.”

“How'd you get into that?”

He seems interested, but I hesitate. Talking about myself is something I just... don't do. Ever, if I can avoid it. I look across the table at him and I wonder if he's as out of practice as I am.

“Accidentally, I suppose.”

He doesn't ask me to elaborate with words, but with an open face and curious eyes. Always with the eyes.

“In my last year at U-Dub, I was part of a mandatory mentoring program. I was matched with Kate Fisher. She owns Windsor Events. After I graduated, she offered me a position. I guess I just sort of...fell into it.”

He nods, but a shadow passes over his face.

“Alice's wedding...”

Reflexively, I look for any sign of anger from him, but find none. He lowers his eyes to the table top and rubs his thumb over a spot on the black linen. If anything, he appears... contrite. It doesn't seem like he could lift his eyes to mine even if he wanted to.

“Uh, yeah. It was my first assignment actually.”

Without looking up, he nods, still tending to the spot on the table. The silence thickens between us. Though there was a time I welcomed its company, it only serves to agitate me now. Edward shifts back in his chair and scratches the side of his neck. My leg begins to bounce. I take a deep breath and guide us back into safer waters.

“What about you? What do you do?”

His shoulders sag with relief and he smiles slightly.

“I'm in architecture.”

I'd deduced that much years ago. A brief flash of him pacing and raging at someone over the phone about 'plans' and 'breaking ground' occurs to me.

“Really? And how'd you get into that?

I throw his question back to him and he surprises me when he smiles even wider.

“Not at all on accident. It's the only thing I ever really wanted to do. When I was a kid, all I did was sketch and draw and paint. It never really changed... it just evolved as I got older.”

There's this far away look on his face. Pride colors his cheeks and even though he hasn't offered much information, he speaks with such passion. I've seen Kate with that same look. I feel a pang in my chest. A longing to know how they feel. He waves a hand and shrugs.

“Anyway...”


The waiter is back and placing our food in front of us, saving both of us from awkward silence. When we're alone again, I look up and my spoon freezes between my bowl of soup and my mouth. Edward is unbuttoning the sleeve of his pale blue dress shirt and rolling it up. When he gets to the elbow, he switches to the other arm and repeats the process.

With sickening speed, I'm transported years and miles away. I'm standing in a hotel penthouse watching Edward stalk toward me, rolling up his sleeves. His eyes alone pin me in place, dark and cold and empty. Slow and methodical, he closes in on me, a taunting tilt to his head and a wicked smile across his face.

I blink my way back to the present, but still don't move or make a sound as I watch him.

Once both sleeves are rolled up, he scoots forward in his chair and reaches for his burger. He picks it up, takes a large bite, and sets it back on the plate. Ketchup smears one corner of his mouth and he licks some off of his thumb before wiping his hands and mouth with his napkin. His cheeks are puffed out as he chews and swallows before picking up a fry and dragging it through a puddle of ketchup on his plate. He's just dragged a fry through a puddle of ketchup when the clang of my spoon dropping into my bowl of soup catches his attention. His eyes fly to mine and it's his turn to freeze. Swallowing the rest of his mouthful, he gestures to his plate and I don't understand the abashed look on his face.

“Sorry. I skipped breakfast this morning. I'm starving.”

He pops the fry in his mouth and wipes his hands with his napkin again as he sits back in his chair and reaches for his water. I'm confused for only a moment before I realize that he thinks I was put out by his table manners. Still too stunned to say anything, I simply wave my hand at him and shake my head. Silently, I grapple with the differences between the Edward from my flashback and the one that sits across from me now. Cruel and volatile has made way for quiet and serious. He's still unpredictable, but calmed in a way. He's even polite... on occasion.

The old Edward never would have invited me to lunch.

He never would have apologized to me. Repeatedly.

He never would have bothered to ask me about myself.

He never would have opened a door for me.

He never would have stood from a table upon my arrival.

He wouldn't be here across from me sharing awkward conversation and stuffing his face greasy diner food.

He wouldn't be here. Trying.

Trying.

When I look back up at him, he's already watching me and nods toward my food in concern.

“Is everything okay? Did you want something different?”

I'm not bold enough to speak the words to him in their true context, but I manage to get them out just the same.

“No. No, I think I'm good with this.”

.


.


.


.


.


.

“Where are you from, Isabella?”

It's Tuesday evening and we've just met and eaten a late dinner at The Haymount again. It's a convenient distance from from both Windsor Events and Edward's firm, Richter, Allan & Lavery. We're having coffee afterwards, mine black, and Edward's... well, loaded. I rotate the white ceramic cup in a circle on the small saucer it was served on and stare down at its dark contents.

“Uh, Forks. It's a little town a few hours away actually.”

“I've heard of it. Never been there though.”

“You aren't missing much.”

I don't mean to set fire to the words, but I do. And when I look at him, I know he gets the message that the topic isn't a welcome one. Suppressing a sigh, I decide that expressing curiosity about him may deflect his own about me.

It's what I tell myself anyway.

“What about you? Are you from Seattle?”

His jaw ticks. It's fast. So fast, and slight, but I caught it.

“I am.”

I don't know why he'd lie about such an inconsequential thing, but it feels like he is. He sips coffee and my eyes fall to his tie. To the small, dark stain that mars it. I think back to twenty minutes ago when Edward has practically inhaled his steak and baked sweet potato. Propelled by the desire to avoid his questions, I decide to try my hand at initiating conversation instead.

Keep the focus on him.

“Did you skip meals again today?”

He nods and rubs at the stain before smoothing down his tie. I've seen him do it several times in the last hour or so. Another habit I take note of.

“I did. Breakfast and lunch this time. Busy day.”

“Hence the lack of nutrition.”

That earns me a small smirk. I didn't try for it, but I find that I don't mind it so much now that it's here.

“Yes. It also explains my heinous etiquette at dinner. I guess I should at least try to fit breakfast in from now on.”

“They do say that it's the most important meal of the day.”

It feels like such an unbelievably cheesy thing to say and I immediately regret it. Except his time, when he lifts his coffee cup to his mouth, his eyes seem to smile at me over the brim of it. It's too much though, and I look away, clearing my throat and avoiding his gaze.




.

.

.

.

.

.

Days later, we're under the willow when I realize that something is off with him. Instead of sitting on the ground or even the bench like he normally does, he's standing at the edge of the lake. His back is to me and his hood is up. His hands are pushed down into the front pocket of his jacket. It causes the dark gray nylon to pull down on his shoulders and stretch taut across the top of his shoulders. They're broad and solid, and I feel embarrassed and confused for enjoying the sight of them rising and falling as his breathing calms from our run.

I clear my throat as he turns to face me, but doesn't look at me. I can't tell if it's because of his hood, but his eyes look tired and heavy. He wipes a hand over his face and kicks at a few stones lying at his feet. I follow them one by one as he launches them into the water. They splash and plunk, peppering the stillness of the water with overlapping ripples.

My attention is drawn back to him when he plops down on the other end of the bench and sighs.

“I'm leaving town tomorrow. I'll be gone for a few days.”

I'm not sure what he wants me to say. There are plenty of mornings I don't see him. I'm not sure why this time warrants a warning.

“Okay.”

He turns to look at me, his eyes glancing back and forth between my own. He doesn't say anything for so long that I begin to fidget and look away, unsure of what to say next.

“I wasn't always this way, you know?”

He words are like a question, but there's a twinge of defensiveness to it.

“But... you can't come back from some shit. Some things just... change you. And there isn't any going back to what you were.”

Our eyes meet again and I know I'm not mistaken this time. He's searching, waiting. Seeking something.

From me.

I blink at him, floundering for a clue. I open my mouth to speak, but change my mind and close it back. Pressure builds in my chest and I wring my hands in lap. They've begun to sweat. Closing my eyes and turning my face away from him, I swallow down the bitter taste of failure and feel the dead weight of it in my stomach.

I'm sorry.

We should head back.”

I stand quickly and leave without looking back.







~o~







“...so that was the general idea we had in mind. What do you think?”

Smile, Bella.

It's fabricated for their benefit and I wield it like a shield between us.

“I think it sounds wonderful, Mr. Graham.”

I deliver the words with a practiced warmth.

“Really? You're sure it isn't a little...cheesy? I mean, we don't want to embarrass her. We just want to do something special for her. She's worked so hard these last eight years. It's more than just her graduating... We're so proud of her. We...well, we just want to make sure she knows it.”

I stiffen in my seat as I listen to Mrs. Graham speak now. Her smile is warm and her eyes are kind. Even her tone of voice is affectionate. She's genuine. Loving.

Maternal.

I watch as Mr. Graham reaches across the space between their chairs to take his wife's hand in his own, their faces bright testaments to her words. The sincerity is asphyxiating and I'm quiet for a beat longer than I should be.

Another smile, close mouthed because I can't help gritting my teeth. Shaking my head and maintaining eye contact with him, I do my job. I reassure. I encourage.

The words burn like acid in my throat.

“I don't think it's cheesy at all. As a matter of fact, I think it's very thoughtful of you. And I can guarantee you that she'll love it.”

They beam with pride, blind and deaf and dumb to the envy I feel for a woman I've never even met. My pride feels taunted and teased. And when my thoughts drift back to an old, worn tire swing, I stamp it down, redirecting the conversation and denying myself time to compare and contrast.

“Now, let's talk venues, shall we?”

We discuss locations and budgets, running numbers and setting a date. I've done this a thousand times before and yet, despite my obligation to be professional, there is an ember deep inside of me that refuses to be extinguished by my pretenses.

I seethe.

I crave.

I covet.







~o~





Three rings. Then four. Then five. In the place of the sixth is a robotic female voice telling me to leave a message. Then a beep.

Silence.

I open my mouth and take a breath, preparing to speak.

Nothing.

I close my mouth, only to open it and take another breath.

And then...nothing.

I close it after the second beep sounds. The phone slides further down my palm and away from my ear. The hand that clutching the phone falls limply to my lap. I stare out of my bedroom window, up at where the treetops meet the night sky. Sage green twists and twirls across a bruised, midnight blue. I watch the leaves dance and smell the rain in the breeze that blows hard across my face. Lightning flashes in the distance and I tighten the throw around my shoulders. I want it all to distract me. I want it to rebuke and banish. When the thunder begins, I pray that the sound of it will chase this nameless sensation from my flesh. But it all fails me. And I'm left alone in my head.

When I fall into bed, I silently beg for reprieve. I thirst for indifference.

I'm granted nothing.

It feels like only minutes from the time I close my eyes until the blare of my alarm clock startles them open again.

I rise, dress and walk down the stairs in a fog.

Standing at the foot of the staircase, I run my hands through my hair and clench them at my scalp. I shut my eyes tightly against the silence. It used to be that it insulated me. It was welcomed and familiar. But now it stabs and taunts and torments, leaving a blank space for everything and anything unwanted to reside.







~o~







Julie Graham is of average height and weight. Her hair is a dirty blonde, her eyes dark. There is nothing spectacular about the black cocktail dress she's wearing or the basic black heels that carry her around the room as she mingles and chats.

There is nothing spectacular or striking about her. And yet I can't take my eyes off of her.

I've had hundreds of clients. I've been witness to hundreds of celebrations. Birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, graduations, engagements, promotions, baby showers, bar and bat mitzvahs. Observing the festivities from the sidelines is what I do. I orchestrate and oversee, all while remaining merely a spectator. But tonight, a bitterness bordering on enmity churns inside of me. It seizes me by the throat and impairs my awareness. My duties fall to the wayside and I'm rooted in place, staring at this woman.

I look on as the evening's guest of honor poses for the photos. Sandwiched between Mr. and Mrs. Graham, she smiles and nods at something the photographer says. Mrs. Graham reaches around and slides the strap of Julie's dress into place so that her red bra strap is no longer showing and winks at her. The two women share a sly look before once again facing the camera. It's an intimacy so foreign to me that I can't help but stare. When Mr. Graham kisses his daughter on the cheek before releasing her and heading to the bar, I spin around and stomp away, feeling the acidic burn of envy as it snakes its way through my chest.







~o~







“Morning.”

I only nod at him, his voice like knives across my flesh. The spite I feel from yesterday's client meeting is so concentrated that I don't trust my tongue. Ignoring the way his head swivels to watch me walk past him, I push my earbuds in and begin running at full speed. There'll be no easing into it today. I can't stand being still right now. My limbs feel restless and sluggish all at once so I don't waste time warming my muscles up.

I want to feel them burn.

I push and push, hands fisted so tightly that my palms throb. I push harder still, pumping my legs until I feel that delicious ache in my thighs. Until the cold air burns my throat and numbs my cheeks. A heavy bass beats through the headphones and I welcome the itch it causes in my ears. The small earbuds crackle at max volume and still it isn't loud enough. I can hear it all. I can see everything. It stops nothing. The noise can't reach the commotion in my head.

Faster than I expect, I see the lake up ahead. My momentum propels me down the hill and I grab for the trunk of the willow, snatching myself to a dead stop. The music stops abruptly and I stare down at the black screen of my iPod, realizing that I forgot to charge it last night. I've never forgotten before. Frustrated with myself, I pull the buds from my ears and stuff them in my pocket, lacing the fingers of both of my hands on top of my head and pacing along the waterfront.

“Are you okay?”

His voice is breathless, and I flinch at the sound of it. Everything, all of the shit I've been left alone with for nearly twenty four hours now, rushes to the surface. I stop with my back to him and drop my arms to my sides. Breathing heavily, I whirl around, locked and loaded and ready to make him bleed this way too. But there's a softness in his eyes that stops me from erupting. I've never seen it before, at least not directed toward me, anyway. Swift and unexpected, it punctures through the discord and I deflate. Running both of my hands through my hair, I close my eyes, turn away from him and drop down onto the bench. When he settles onto the other end of it, I give him an answer. It's pointless, though. His question might as well have been rhetorical. He already knows.

“No.”

He keeps his eyes on the water. When I hear his voice again, it's calmer. Purposefully so.

“Just say it, Isabella. It doesn't make you weak.”

“What are you, a fucking shrink or something?

How can he know?

Quickly, I jerk my head to the right and away from him. The rush of satisfaction that lashing out brings me dissolves within seconds and I'm left feeling childish and immature. The pleasant truce of sorts that we had on Friday is lost to me right now. I have a sudden and irrational urge to pull my hair down from its ponytail. I want to be hidden. I feel unguarded and my skin prickles at the thought. Temptation roots itself and I fight for control. My mind races, torn between restraint and indulgence. Do I give in or do I batten down the hatches and ride this out?

My ire craves a fight, but my fear knows its place.

What if he's right? What if talking to him could relieve this?

What if it doesn't? Remember the last time you let yourself go with him...

This isn't the same. There's nothing for him to gain here.

Exactly. So why does he care? Letting him in will only arm him. He will burn you.

The voices rise in pitch, fighting to be heard, until I can't tell one from the other. My head throbs and I let out a harsh breath. Edward hasn't moved or made a sound, but I can feel his eyes on me. I can feel him there, waiting. I stare at the lake and consider his offer. I'm wound so tightly. What could it hurt?

“I... I can't.”

My voice is weak... barely more than a whisper, but he hears me. I can feel him looking at me, but I stare out at across the lake, seeing nothing. I can tell when he nods, but I still don't look.

Later, as I'm unlocking my front door, I turn in time to see him backing out of the driveway. And I can't deny that it isn't the welcome sight it used to be.







~o~







As I walk down the steps of my porch the next morning, yesterday's turbulence has calmed. I feel sluggish and bleary. The way Edward avoids looking me in the eye makes me cringe at how childish I'd been yesterday. I'd felt so agitated, my nerves twisted in knots and my patience razor thin, that I couldn't accommodate his presence. And if I was being honest with myself, I was unprepared for the relief I'd felt when I saw him waiting for me. He'd been gone for four days and it wasn't until he was at the end of my walkway that I realized something had been missing without him here. I'd become used to him being here. It was that wave of relief upon seeing him that sent me spiraling even further into my funk. Everything had amalgamated and pressed in on me until I lashed out.

And he was the one standing on the receiving end.

He doesn't speak during our run, but that's not unusual. By the time we're on opposite sides of the bench, I'm limp and useless. I close my eyes and long for a hot shower and cool sheets.

“How was your Thanksgiving?”

Quiet. Boring. The last word that comes to mind is one I'm reluctant to admit. Lonely.

“It was fine. Yours?”

“Shitty.”

My eyes fly to his, but he turns his head toward me slowly. The same with the stupid way his mouth curves up in a smile. Slow and lazy. When he shrugs at me unapologetically, I can't help but smile back at him. I feel a different kind of relief today, knowing that he isn't going to rake me over the coals about yesterday. I shake my head at him and look out over he lake, voicing something that just occurs to me. I'm reluctant, unsure about how he'll react, but I ask anyway.

“Did... did you get to see Josie?”

“Not exactly.”

I'm confused by his answer. He scratches the back of his neck and tucks his hands into the front pocket of his jacket.

“I did go to see her, but not the way you probably think.”

He's talking in circles, nervous and reticent.

“She lives in Sacramento. With... with her biological father.”

Oh God. Edward...


122 comments:

JayKay said...

Roughie's back!!!!!! Funny, he doesn't have a Texas twang yet........xX

Courtney said...

OOOH Edward! she's not his! that's horrible. I bet the whole time he thought she was his. poor guy! no wonder he was a dick. no excuse of course but its no wonder he was the way he was. I think Edward's in love with her. just my opinion but I think during all the "carnage" he found himself falling for her and wants to keep that bond no matter how much she must hate him or apparently not hate him. ;) I can't wait to find out more. You are a very talented writer. don't let anyone change that opinion. :D thanks again soo much!

FanFicCrazy said...

OMG!!!!!! Can I rip a bitches heart out?? No wonder he hated woman.. I'm not excusing either but damn.. Bless his heart is he just looking at her from a distance? Heartbreaking!!

And B is coming around.. They're getting closer.. I'm SO excited!!

Much love Jada! Lisa

LadynikiW said...

When e says this “I wasn't always this way, you know?”

He words are like a question, but there's a twinge of defensiveness to it.

“But... you can't come back from some shit. Some things just... change you. And there isn't any going back to what you were.” I want b to realize how much they actually have in common! They both have had challenges in their lives that have made them who they are. I just need them to open up more to each other. Maybe some sex would help! ;)

Dreary London said...

So glad to see these two again! Thanks for the update, despite all the upheaval in your life! I just about died when I got to the end of that chapter! Josie isn't biologically Edward's? That's even more heartbreaking than if something had caused Edward to be taken from her life, some mistake he made. Now there seems like no hope of getting Josie back. I can't wait to hear the story behind Jane's obvious betrayal. I hope Bella is able to find some peace soon. Reading about these two is heartbreaking, exciting, and satisfying all at the same time. For now, I will TRY to patiently wait for the next update! :)

Jennifer said...

Oh Jada...fan-freaking-tastic!! So she's alive but not really his...WOW!!!!!!!!!!! So didn't see that coming.

His whole family must've lied to him about it?!?!

I just can't get enough of this story. It's such a treat when you update.

Thanks for a fabulous chapter!!

xo,
Jen/Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy

silverwingedwitch said...

my expression after reading -->
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m21lcaX2eM1r4uesio1_250.png

That was... I mean... seriously! I just... yeah, speechless o.o
I dont know why that never, never occurred to me as a possibility as to why Josie wasn't in Edwards life the same way anymore. Poor Edward T^T I cry for him.
And Bella, I kinda wanna pry her jaw open with my bare hands and have her just. Talk! lol altho I know its not an easy thing for her I feel it'll come to point were she'll just eventually crack and not in good way if she doesn't say something. I hope something good happens before she reaches that point.

Anyway I loved the chapter, I hate the cliffy but i love the update more lol I hope ur settled in and I cant wait until the next update no matter how long it takes C:

PAW'sPeaches said...

Oh my god I could have read this forever and now it's over and I will die waiting for this to update again I'm fucking certain of it. God I just love how Bella's emotional responses are so fucking guarded and down right opposite what they should be had she just a bit (ok, a lot) more self worth... She's so fucking damaged that it is painful just reading their lunch dates lolol, my body is locked up with tension right now from Edward smoothing his tie and Bella's should I shouldn't I second guessing. UGH, I FUCKING LOVE IT!

And Edward. Oh my gosh poor Edward!! He thought Josie was his *tears* OHMYLORD the dreams of Bella giving him a baby. FUCK MY LIFE. I will DIE waiting Jada. I won't make it.

adonicass said...

Enough about Roughie...prior to DNA tests,up to 1/3 of children born in a marriage were not the issue of the father.

I'd much rather discuss Bella. She is more fucked up than he ATM.

Oh Bella. Jealous of some girl?...careful, Bella. Jealousy is an addiction.

You opened the door on Bella's past and I want to know more, Jada.

Glad to have you back.

xx

Jrenee said...

Omg!! Seriously?? She isn't even his little girl... That explains a lot and not at all enough!!
So glad to have ROUGHIE back, I missed that fool! Please keep writing, I love this story :)

FYI - been a fan forever and never commented b/c I didn't have a way to, but after tonights chap I opened a blog just to comment!! Lol (I already have a twitter account follow if you will @jennarenee214 )

RockyElixir said...

I really loved this chapter. It had a little bit (or a lot) of everything in it. I appreciate the way you depict the slow but steady progression of Edward and Bella's nascent friendship while also showing the continuing destructive effects of Bella's neglect and emotional abuse by her parents. Then you top it off with the big reveal regarding Josie. Nice!

Thanks so much for sharing FYW with us. Your characterization is remarkable and your words are lovely. Such a treat to read.

PS
I want to hug Bella so friggin' much it hurts!

Amy Fontaine said...

AHHHHHHHH ROUGHIE IS BACK!! Oh how I've missed him. I hope your move went smoothly and now you're all settled and the unpacking process hasn't been too hectic.

I just don't know where to begin with this chapter. I feel like it was really just what everyone needed. I'm sure some people were wondering if Edward and Bella were going to have sex in this chapter, but I'm glad they didn't. I think the conversations they had were far more important than that. They really learned a lot about each other, even though they didn't talk much. I think Bella learned more from Edward's actions, like how he always smooths out his tie before dinner.

I really enjoyed their lunch/dinner dates. Not much was said but, Jada, you write this so well, I don't need words. I can just feel how the character is feeling or tell what they are doing. I feel like you write so 'real' if that makes any sense at all.

Mr. and Mrs. Gramam's scene was pretty sad. I understand now why Bella was upset, she is jealous of the comfort their daughter received from her parents as well as the guests. Bella never had that relationship with her mom or dad. It's almost as if her parents didn't care when she was growing up.

I wanted Bella to talk to Edward so bad during their last run, but I knew that wouldn't happen. Next time...maybe.

Way to go and drop the 'you are not the father' Maurry paternity tests on us, Jada. How is it possible that Josie is not his? I don't even get it. Maybe he didn't know.

I'm hoping more secrets will be revealed in the next chapter.

Fantastic job again, bb

xx

Amy

nrbl1 said...

I knew it!!!!

What? Who?. . . Me? said...

I've never left you a comment before, and just wanted to say thanks for sharing Roughie with us. To tell you the truth, I quickly read though what was posted (all in one night), and was planning on going back to review when I have the time to read it slowly. But I couldn't help myself after seeing your tweet with the link. So I'm going to be weird and start reviewing on this chapter before backtracking when I have time (hopefully by late May or early June).

Your characters and chapters are awesome! It is so easy to identify with the characters. The end of the chapter is a pretty big shocker. While it was mentioned in previous chapters, that Josie was still alive, I really didn't see that one coming. In this chapter, you answered There are still a few questions I have that are unanswered right now, as well as the new ones, so I guess I will have to hang in there until your next update. ;-)

While I do not really like cliffies, I'm too happy about the update to really care. That, and I'm sure I can find something to distract me until the next update. *bouncing in seat* So once again, thank you so very much for updating, even though you have so much to do (from what it looks on Twitter). *big squeezy hug*

A*Wowww said...

You've got to be kidding me?! Not his? WhyIOughta......let me at em LET ME AT EM!

Okay so first, I feel like this is one of those things where "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" type deal. Emotional damage I mean. I think they'd clear alot of shitty air if they did this. But seeing how they're both complicated hurt people, this isn't happening for a while. But it's just what I think.
I know it's gonna be a long road for them both. Totally understandable. And I get why they haven't had sex. My logical side does anyway.

A*Wowww said...

My greedy bitch side is all for makeup sex but that's not reasonable or logical. I have no doubt her body may want him but if they were to even get close, it would be awkward and just terrible. BUT that's not to discourage you from trying or proving me wrong...jsjs

norcaltwitard said...

Gotta say my favorite part of this chapter was the “No. No, I think I'm good with this.” If only for a moment, it appeared that B was starting to accept E as part of her present as he is & not how he was & she was not upset by it. I think it's all about little steps for our emotionally castrated B & E. Loved it Jada. I can't wait for more.

MoniNP said...

Holy sh*t!!! Damn Jane..
My heart breaks for Bella..

So glad to have Roughie back Jada!

xo

Nix said...

What wonderful way to wake up! The mystery of Josie deepens... I have all sorts of scenarios running through my head now.

And could Bella be, dare I say it, growing to depend on Edwards presence?

They're both growing together, although he seems to have a head start on her. These chapters ARE worth waiting for! Thanks Jah-duh!!!

Lux123 said...

Shit. Shit. Shit. And mother fucking holy shit.

And so the story unfolds...

Idk idk, to me, this humanizes our Roughie man even more as he isn't simply obligated by blood or DNA, but rather obliged by love and adoration. This is a good thing. Gotta respect that, along with the immense responsibility he feels toward this girl who he treats and cares for as his own. I can't recall the full details regarding Josie's mother (a reread might be in order), but now I'm inclined to theorize that she wasn't faithful. And that she's more than likely the sole reason for his past hatred of woman, not to mention had her in mind those many moons ago during all those debasing diatribes that Bella acted as a proxy for.

As for Bella...JFC. She's so awkward and uneasy when it comes to any social interaction whatsoever. Honestly, it's a bit painful to witness sometimes, I can't help but reflexively cringe. With that said though, she seems to be progressing for the better; easing herself into situations she would have formerly and rather meekly wilted in. Slowly, oh-so slowly...but surely...she'll get there. And the irony that Roughie may have a hand in that fills my heart up to no end.

I enjoy those glimpses of vulnerability between the two of them. And especially love those stolen moments where she notices the warmth in his eyes.

Oh and as per usual, the way you weave your words and turn a phrase....well, it's a beautiful thang. Thank you for sharing with us. <3

fran.richards50 said...

Love to see this update, well worth the wait. Bella still has lots of unresolved issues, Edward has begun to see someone( psych?) so I think Bella should. Edward is trying to move forward but Bella seems stuck in the past on a merry-go-round of resentment and pain that she has bottled inside of herself, long before Edward came on the scene. Can't wait til they are relaxed enough in each others company that they can have a natural, relaxed conversation between friends.

Christy said...

I can't imagine why you'd have doubts or reservations about posting. Your way with words is amazing. I'm not a writer--I wish I were so I could adequately explain the response your writing elicits. My heart breaks for this Bella. It's obvious that Roughie has made progress in the last five years (even if you can't go back to who you were), but Bella is just treading water, staying afloat. She's so alone it kills me.

I know readers are desperate for sex, but I much more appreciate the natural progression of the characters, and they have so much to work through emotionally before the physical would be possible. Too soon would just destroy them.

I re-read from the beginning after your teaser a few weeks ago--now the paper Edward was clutching at the wedding and the words he and Esme spoke click into place!

As always, I'm left wanting more. Thanks for sharing your work!!!

laurieO76 said...

Thank you so much for the update. Missed peeking into this pair's lives. They've made such progress and are each slowly baring themselves to one another and reluctantly letting each other into their lives. There is obviously a pull they feel toward one another and I can't wait to see what will make them finally give in to it.

namemeamy said...

Some things just change you. Yeah, Bella knows all about that. She is so closed off and alone, it hurts to read. Edward is trying, but she's not ready yet. Totally get that, but she's dying inside and I hate to think what it will take for her to finally open up to him. And Josie...that revelation, just broke my heart.

j johnson said...

Had a nice long review written last night.
Blogger ate it.
Loved the chapter.
Like visiting with an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. Everything just falls back into place.
Love that Edward keeps trying with Bella. It can't be just about guilt. He has to WANT to seek her out, as often as he does.
Love that Bella is getting accustomed to his presence, so much so that she feels a loss when he's not there.
Love the progress that she's making.
She just needs to go for it and open up a little more to him.
I actually loved that Edward felt comfortable enough with her to, for lack of better words, eat like a man in front of her. That was rather endearing.
One small wish I have. I'd like to know Edward's feelings about when Bella ended their 'arrangemnet'. Yes, I know he didn't care for her at the time. But HE had become accustomed to HER presence. And he had come to rely on what she gave him. I'd just like to know how he felt when she ended it.
Wonderful chapter.
Thank you, Jada.

desi said...

Thanks so much for the update Jada!!!! Have missed ya! Hope all has been good for you!!! Thanks so much!!!
WOW!!! They're both doing so well, opening up, realising stuff, doing really well, really well!!!
Your writing and descriptions of things is beautiful and mezmorising!!! Blows me away! Thanks

Ambaro said...

I think these two are making progress, though with them it's of course in snails pace. Like everyone else I feel Edward's view of women does make more sense now. But now I'm wondering if he also took out his anger on other women other than Bella and if he's made his peace with them.
As always a brilliant chapter and a great ending.
Ambaro

Donut_Magnet said...

What?! What, what what?!! Poor Edward, another layer in his distress, not the biological father. I love that Bella is starting to see that Edward has changed a bit, let's hope she can too & open up with him some more. Fantastic chapter as always m'lady!

reblit said...

So happy to see an update!

Jenny said...

Jada,
Thank you for updating! Wow!! So Josie isn't Edward's. That explains a lot. Why now is Bella getting jealous after all of the events she has planned? Is it because Renee didn't answer the phone when she called? I'm assuming that it was her that Bella called. I
I was so excited when I opened my email. & saw that Roughie had updated. :)) I really enjoyed this update. It gave a little more insight into their inner workings. I wonder how much longer Isabella & Edward will deny their feelings towards each other. Although, these 2 have A LOT of issues that need to be resolved before they can have a successful relationship.
See ya on twitter

Jen :))

RMacaroni said...

Let me try this again... (I wrote a review already but it doesn't show... smh)
I F-ING LOVED THIS!!!!!!
Sorry, had too much coffee this morning.
Really, I loved this in its entirety!
My poor Roughie, I can feel his pain through your descriptions.
God, when he was devouring that burger... my my my... the ketchup trickling... oh man! I loved that part! I would have chocked on my soup, for sure!
I think I've said this before, Jada, but with the little time I have for reading, I usually skip through long, wordy fics... but yours is the only one which I read every single word, once... twice, going back and forth to bask in every detail you pour into your beautifully written words.
This was very much worth the wait! Thank you!
Ronnie

dorothy said...

Thanks so much. Excellent writing - truly. I savor every chapter.

Jennifer said...

Thank you for posting,Jada!
I've missed these two so much!
I cannot believe Josie isn't his! I did not see that coming.
I'm happy that Bella is growing dependent on Edward's presence. She doesn't know yet that she needs this man in her life.
Thank you for continuing this awesome story! You've made my day!
Xoxo,
Jen (luvtwismut)

Lady Kalenaa said...

Great update! You really write so descriptively. When he cuffed his sleeves and she flashedback.... I ached for her.

Alterité said...

Thank you for this amazing update. I think they are moving forward but I wish Bella would do something about her state of mind.
My heart breaks for Edward and his little girl.
I've been listening to the two songs you recommended and I love them.
I'm already looking forward to the next chapter, your writing is harsh but so good!

joli cullen said...

or a girl cry
Jossi is the daughter of edward
I usually my soul
girl please do not delay not know how to die with the wait

kat said...

An update!!!! Totally worth the wait! I'm not on Twitter, so I didn't know what was going on, but apparently you moved! I hope all is well. That being said: Holy Crap! I can't believe he's not Josie's father...although that explains a lot. Bella kills my soul. She is so broken. It seems that ironically enoug, Edward might be just the person to fix her. I know people want some sex, but I think it would just be wierd at this point. Although some UST or some steamyness would be interesting! Your words are beautiful and I will DIE waiting for the next update!!!!

LetRobstenLuv4ever said...

OMG as soon as I seen the update I wanted to bounce up and down like Alice. LOL. Poor Edward, Josie wasn't even his. How horrible, its not wonder he hates the world. I wish that Bella would open up to him. I REALLY think it would move their relationship in a huge direction. I am so ready for them to start having more than friendship. I can even see it happen. I see her screaming at him because of her mother and she just grabs him and kisses the shit out of him. But thats just my dream I am sure you have your own idea. I have missed this story so much. I sure hope you can update sooner. You are an amazing author and its so hard to wait for the updates. I am sure its hard for you too with all of us demanding all the time. I am sorry about that. Just wanted to let you know how much we love your story and appreciate all you do for us. Thank you.

Mcgt said...

Lovely chapter. So glad you got your mojo back for this story. I was just starting to wonder about it. Your way with words is so lovely and I'm truly envious of your talent.

Can't wait to see what is coming next for these two.

MBMOM said...

Amazing as always.
Josie isn't biologically his....wow. Didn't see that coming...

I know Bella is scared but I hope she starts lowering her walls. They need each other..so much.

Good luck to you! ((hugs))

No soy Rebelde, soy psicótico said...

I was so excited when I saw this in my inbox. I love how you write and I love the dynamic between Edward and Bella.

Barbs said...

OMG ... now it makes some sense; the way he reacted at the wedding reading the note in his hand. What I envision it said was that Josie was going to live with her biological father and that's why Edward completely broke down. He was losing his little girl!

The angst between Bella and Edward and her insecurities as well as his hopefully are starting to dissolve. As I am reading, I want to both hug and grab her and tell her to open up. Tell Edward what's she thinking, so they can get their relationship moving in the right direction. And Edward ... look her in the eyes and tell her what she needs to hear.

Jada, you are doing such a good job with this story. You do have 'a way with words.' You're a talented, creative storyteller. Can't wait for the next update. Please ... soon?

Errontrisha said...

Jada!
You kill me again! WOW! What a chapter! So much to no understand. An explanation of why Edward is how he is. And Bella, girl, you need to let go of some of that additional baggage you're carrying round. If you cant, then you'll never move forward!

Thank you so much for this update, truely, truely grateful!
Erron xo

Mariuxita Rivera said...

Amazing update, so many layers, so many emotions, yet two different ways to experience them, even though this is mainly POV you are able to transmit Roughie's emotions so well through Bella's eyes.
Though this update only brought more questions about Josie, I was glad to see it in my inbox.
Great update, Jada.
~Mina

TwiRK_World said...

Roughie is back! So nice to have this slow burn back to kill me slowly. With each chapter there is small advance into their friendship/relationship? Whatever you want to call it.
THANK YOU for bringing them back and hopefully now we'll be seeing more of them. Hope all is well in your new home!

barbarito said...

Oh my holy hell! She is not his! Poor Edward! He's heartbroken! Loved the update and cannot wait for more!

LetRobstenLuv4ever said...

I already left my comment but who the heck is roughie? And is this a nick name? For who? I am lost. Lol well only about Roughie and why you were MIA.

Charmain said...

So glad Roughie's back. Can't wait for more. Hope it doesn't take 4 months again!

Lovingrobpatz said...

I loved, loved the chapter, all this awkwardness is driving me crazy. At least they are thawing a lil, yay us!! And oh wow, such a bomb for you to drop on us and to just leave us like that, cruel, I tell you, plain cruel! I can't believe Josie, it's not his daughter, all of this angst, Jesus , no wonder he was such a bastard. At least on the last couple of chapters we are getting some insight on his life and Bella, oh my poor Bella! STOP calling your mother, she is a b I t c h and don't want anything to do w ya. Move on, get on w your life. Look at what is in front of you, waiting for you to clear the way and give him a chance. Or fix him, as he fixes you! Thanx Jada for updating. Hope to see you very, very soon!!M

Midnight Raven said...

Thank you for updating! Love these two twisted souls.

Gemgirl65 said...

Ooh, nice cliffie! Didn't see that one coming. Paints Edward in a different light, as well as raising more questions than it answers. That's always fun!

I love the details of your writing. You have such a knack for painting a picture of each character with their mannerisms, habits and non-verbal cues. They speak volumes to each other without saying a word. That's always an interesting phenomenon to me, because I'm a talker. ;) So I'm fascinated to see how this plays out.

What an awful road Bella has traveled in her life! It's hard for me to imagine such an upbringing, because I was lucky to have a couple of "Grahams" as my parents. Makes my heart ache for her, and wish she could find a way to let Edward in, though by all rights, she'd have no reason to, after the way he treated her. But she allowed the treatment, too; maybe even used it to validate her own feelings of worthlessness. Maybe she could actually use "a fucking shrink" to help her get through some of this very deep-seated trauma that she clearly has never gotten over.

Excellent chapter! Can't wait to see where you take these two next.

Ciaobellainga said...

Thank you for updating. Hope you will be able to write more often. Really is an intriguing story. Best of luck in Texas.

flyrbrd said...

Great chapter! I didn't see the dad thing comin'. I can't wait for more ;)

Sharkjumper said...

did roughie loose his shit to that level of crazy over jane lying to him about josie's bio dad? i can understand the dude was way invested in his daughter's life, but would that type of lie, as awful as it is, warrant roughie's behavior with (early chapters) bella? i am even more intrigued! please jaybird, don't make us wait too long for the next update! i'm dyin here!!! xxo

Sharkjumper said...

actually, roughie's heartache over josie doesn't upstage what happened with bella and her parents. both of them have serious baggage and i can't wait to hear what it is. i understand that the mystery surrounding their past experiences is your hook, jaybird, so i won't press for the long awaited reveal, but i do hope you take pity on your readers and update more often. that's all! love ya anyways!! xoxoxo from sharky / @sharkjumper

Roxy said...

omg she is not his daughter?! that's sad and Bella i understand her is not easy to talk with someone about yourself about your problems especially when you don't know very well the person but i think they're on the right way somehow i'm sure she'll open herself soon:) i really miss this story and it was great to read a new chapter i love it;)

stratocaster said...

Only heard about this story yesterday. Read til bedtime last night and up to ch20 this morning...It wasn't easy to read the way he treated her...and yet I couldn't have stopped if I'd wanted to. You have a powerful, addictive story here and I am regretting the fact that now I have to wait for an update...I want more already. Now, I'm going to go hug the hell outta the lady who told me about your story...maybe even buy her a drink!

Soni'sAngel said...

Hi Jada! So wonderful to get an update on this story. Edward and Bella seem to have a truce of sorts. I love the fact that they are trying to change the scene of their friendship, instead of only running together they are meeting for lunch. I feel for Bella who is envious of the relationship between the Graham's and their daughter. Damn, Josie isn't Edward's biological daughter. From the video that Bella had seen he was under the impression that she was his. Not that it excuses his behavior toward Bella but I guess something like this can make a man not trust and lose respect for all woman. I wonder if he will elaborate further? Thanks for sharing;)

Evelyne-raconte said...

Thank you for the update. It was a pleasure to read a new chapter of FYW. They are very slow, nothing happened, finally.

Claudia Bouffard said...

Jada-

Going to try for the third time to leave a comment.

I look forward to whenever you post an update to FYW, and once agin this chapter did not disappoint.

I truly have not read a Fanfiction story with such indepth character development in such a long, long time. With each chapter you seem to slowly reveal how multi-layered and complex these two characters are; and just as the reader seems to see the characters, you again reveal something else.

FYW is one of the most intelligently written stories I have read a long time. With each chapter you give a little peek into a truly talent writer.

I just love this story.

I presume from the twitter comment that someone either left a nasty review or sent a nasty tweet with regard to FYW. See, what I don't understand is why people feel the need to comment negatively--if one does not enjoy a story, agree with the direction of the fiction, or has difficulty with the content, then just STFU and move on. Plenty of other stories to read.

Anyways, I hope that the negative comments will not deter you from completing this story. I doubt it will, you seem like one strong woman.

Thanks again for sharing you story and words.

Ketyane said...

Roughie Ohhhh!

Now it's all explained! Josie isn't a Edward's daughter and Jane lied to him about the pregnancy, Esme knews everything and so because this they cut ties,I think the paper Edward with in an Alice's wedding day was the paternity test.

Jane died? Josie is not with the mother, but her father, so I suppose something happened to Jane. Edward stayed with Josie for a while, I think the day he lost the bracelet he said something like two years, I gues after this her biological father was behind her.

Edward seems to have a dependence on Bella and Bella seems never to have overcome their relationship, both are broken and have much to work together, they are progressing, talking more and Edward seems really willing to break the walls, I hope that they can scare away the ghosts of the past and can rebuild their lives, together of course!

Thank you!

P.S. Sorry for my horrible english.

missrebecca said...

Now I did NOT see that coming!! You certainly know how to spin a twist missus!
Loved this chapter! Wish Bella would see how similar her and Edward actually are, I have a feeling he already knows.
I love Edward :) even if he was a dick before. He's adorable :)

honeycrunch said...

Dear dear Jada,

Thank you so much for this wonderful update. I would like to quote another reader (I hope you don't mind, Claudia):

"I look forward to whenever you post an update to FYW, and once agin this chapter did not disappoint. I truly have not read a Fanfiction story with such indepth character development in such a long, long time. With each chapter you seem to slowly reveal how multi-layered and complex these two characters are; and just as the reader seems to see the characters, you again reveal something else.
FYW is one of the most intelligently written stories I have read a long time. With each chapter you give a little peek into a truly talent writer. I just love this story."

That's exactly what I feel and what I think. It is such a great and sophisticated story. And no matter how long it will take you to write the next chappy, I will always be waiting for it!!!! Because I love it so much and because it's worth it.

Looking forward so much to the next chapter. I will check EVERY day!

Thank you so much again for this wonderful story that means so much to me.

Blondemel47 said...

Excellent chapter Jada! Thoroughly enjoyed the read. Been looking forward to the next chapter in this couples lives & you never disappoint.
You write the characters, their feelings, thoughts, emotions, mannerisms so bloody well too. Love it! Feel for them both. With the news that Josie isn't Edward's guess we can understand a little better his reasons for being so horrid - not that that excuses him. Just been reading back aways - I'd forgotten how degrading he was to her. (am really going to have to re read this story - it's so good)!
Great writing - look forward to the next chapter when you get chance.;D

somanywards said...

Thank you BB! Have missed these two!! ;)

Kim said...

Don't know what to say to describe how much I love your writing. It's amazing, as always. You never disappoint. I was swooning, and crying for them both, especially Bella, my heart hurts for her. You do so well at making me feel and pull and hurt and swoon at the same time. And I was left with O_O. Awesome chapter my love. xoxoxo

Glitter said...

Yes!!!!!! Thanks for the update, your story slays me, and it's so fucking unbelievable how your words captivate. You're amazing AMAZING!!!

Keye Cullen said...

Okay....so Josie is not dead. And Edward is not her father. Interesting twist. So that's why he hates women? He was betrayed? Told that Josie was his daughter when in fact she wasn't?

Can't wait to see where this story goes from here.

Credorosa said...

Even more confusion added to the mix. Hoping things start to make sense soon or more forward, don't think my brain can take much more...

bella0609 said...

I am loving this story so much and it is so good to 'read' from you again!! You are an incredible writer!! What a shocker about Edward's daughter!! No wonder why Edward is the way he is. Something in the back of my mind tells me there is more to Bella's story - something that she can't even face - I could be wrong.

NKubie said...

Jada, I was happily surprised when I saw the update.
Just reading Bella's thoughts are so painful sometimes. It makes me want to hug and smack her at the same time. While she is making some progress, it's so painfully slow that it's, well...painful. But Edward keeps trying and that is wonderful! I often wonders why he even bothers, but there must be something beyond guilt that keeps bringing him back to her. My heart also aches for all the parental love that Bella was missing.
Not shocked that Josie isn't Edward's biological daughter. I keep picturing him going to where she lives and just watching her through the window, very stalker-like, but never making his presence known. Like maybe he's not allowed to see her. Actually, that kind of behavior is very canon Edward and I know what a sucker your are for Originalward. ;) Thanks for the update, Jada!
xo
Nan

NinaFromSweden said...

Wow! This chapter rocked and it was really worth the waiting.
And about the ending, I never saw that coming. It really took me by surprise, poor E.
And why is it so sexy when Roughie rolls up his dress shirt sleeves before eating his burger? Only you can make that work ;-)
Thanks for the chapter, awesome as usual!

emmygene said...

Hey Babe,
Are you going to update on twcs?
I've been waiting to read the update there. The black background here hurts my eyes.

Thank you :)

Olena said...

OMG, that was what he was accusing Esme of knowing at Alice's wedding, right? She knew and didn't tell him. I guess he tried to sue Jane for parental rights and it turned out he wasn't a father. Poor thing...

And Bella? Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids... Her parents broke her so much, I don't even know if the damage is reparable. I hope it is...

Thank you for the update.

Jennifer Andersen Photography said...

Thanks for the great update! I

Linda said...

Love the chapter, the babysteps, the bonding and the reveal at the end =)

best wishes, Linda xo

tigger1 said...

Oh Edward.
Another intense, descriptive, painful chapter Jada. Your writing is so powerful, it leaves me breathless and wanting more. Every time.
Each small detail they reveal I wonder if it heals or hurts even more. They are so broken.
Bravo.
~Edwards Eternal

red_bella said...

What can I say that hasn't already been said. I'm captivated by this story! Eagarly awaiting more...

karen4honor said...

GAHHHH!!!! Yup! The utter pain and disgust he must have felt back then would have been horrific in size/scope! I do think bella is slowly coming around, though... Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Jada!!!

ooza said...

With her... biological... wait wuuuut?

Can I just borrow your characters for a moment? I'm going to grab them by their scrawny little necks and bang their heads together. OMG THIS BUILDUP IS KILLING ME! lol

LadynikiW said...

Testing...

Nymphadora said...

Wow. Just … wow. You must have heard it a bazillion times already, but the combination of your unique story line, the flawless characterization and your exceptional writing style is just every fic reader’s wet dream. The way your words evoke a sense of immersion so effortlessly, it’s ridiculous. Every word is perfectly rooted in its own place, which makes it an absolute pleasure to read all of them. I can’t wait for the story to completely unfold!

[And what the flying fuck? People suggesting they should have sex already? It’s like waaaaaay too fucking early for them to do the sexy dance together. JFC. The girl can’t even watch him roll up his sleeves without losing her shit.]

EnamoredHeart said...

Liked the chapter! I could have thought of anything having happened with Josie, but not that she wasn’t Edward’s daughter, in fact. Bella must be just as shocked as I am. It doesn’t excuse Edward’s horrid behavior towards her though…good thing even he has the sense to point that out. I find the growing familiarity between them endearing, especially thinking of where their relationship started. Waiting for more!

quietthoughtz said...

I am dying for you to update this story.....PLEASE! It's so edgy and honest that I'm quite taken with it and long to know more about how this will play out between B & E. Oh, please, please write more....!

kneon said...

Can see that she is relying on him look forward to their runs.

Glad they are becoming more friendly to each other.

Josie not being his had to be heartbreaking.

lisa said...

Oh wow. I don't know how I missed this chapter. Wow! So Josie isn't his...hmmm. No wonder he was a wreck. I can't wait for more updates!

pattinhoor said...

I don't do WIPs but all the buzz about roughie on twitter made me start this story and I just couldn't put it down - so well written, Jada. Just keep writing, keep writing, so we can inhale the next update!

Keye Cullen said...

So missing this story! *sob* April was the last update, right? *grabs tissue* Hope you update soon.

Ciaobellainga said...

Please bring Roughie back. *sniff*

yourownkindofbeautiful said...

I *just* came across this story, courtesy of the amazing Ireen H and holy shit, it's AMAZING. I can honestly say that I can't predict where you're going with this, which as a reader is a beautiful thing. I don't want to know, but I do trust you because so far you've done an incredible job.

I know we keep seeing how effed up Edward is here, but Jesus, Bella's got a metric shitload of baggage, too, and it doesn't all come from her past with Roughie. It doesn't sound like she'd had a meaningful romantic relationship or been in love before her arrangement with E, and it doesn't sound like that happened in the 5 years in between either. So she's emotionally atrophied. No wonder after what happened with Charlie and the way things are with Renee.. But there's some hope in the way she keeps reaching out to her mother.

These two have a lot of work to do. A LOT. *sigh*

Emre Mesta said...

OMG!!!! The plot thickens.

Edward is not as hesitant as her about opening up. I guess his theraphy sessions did help him. It would be wonderful if Bella could just unload a little crumb of her burden.

I am so glad I found your blog. I was waiting for this chapter on TWCS. Just this week I read the whole story again. Every chapter cuts through you like a knife. This story is heartbreaking.

I wonder if Edward was duped by the mother of Josie into thinking that she was his. Imagine loving and caring for your child only to learn that she is not yours AND that you'll never get to see her again. Horrible. I am assuming something like this happened.

The Exiled Contessa said...

Still a great story. I'm hoping Bella opens up to him soon. Just a little bit. I understand where she is in her head, but I'd like to see him be empathetic and supportive, as he is trying to be open with her. Great job. Thanks for updating.

yourownkindofbeautiful said...

I know you started a new story, but I was wondering if you had plans to update this one any time in the not too distant future? :)

iluvlil_lion said...

OMG IM IN LOVE WITHYOUR STORY!!! IM A NEW READER I FOUND YOUR STORY AND I STARTED READING IT AND YOU LEFT ME SPEECHLESS!!! I SUFFER FOR EDWARD BUT MORE FOR BELLA LIFE HAS NOT TREATED HER RIGHT I MEAN WITH A MOTHER LIKE HERS I HOPE YOU UPDATE SOON I NEED TO LEARN MORE OF HER STORY!!! I LOVE EDWARD BUT YEAH WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG AND I GET IT WHY HE DID IT BUT YEAH IT WAS WRONG ANYWAYS!!!! POOR EDWARD HE LOVED THAT LITTLE GIRL FOR TOO YEARS AND SHE CALLED HIM DADDY NO WONDER HE'S ALL MESS UP I WOULD BE TO IF THEY TOLD ME THE LITTLE GIRL I LOVED SO MUCH WASN'T MINE :| YOUR AN AMAZING WRITER HOPE YOU CAN UPDATE SOON!!! :D

Ѽ Hσɳɛy Cullɛɳ Ѽ said...

How long has he knew she wasn't his? That paper he threw at Esme during Alice's wedding was the DNA test?
I read all this fic in a couple of days and... Please, PLEASE, update!!! Don't give up on this fic! I hate falling for one that's never gonna be completed ... :''''(

Lori Barton said...

I recently just found this story and I fell in love with it. I really hope you are able to update it soon. Im so anxious to find out more about Edwards little girl.

Sonya said...

Just found this fic last night on TWCS, and got hooked. Before I knew it, I had read the whole thing, and was freaking out. Someone on another forum pointed me here, and while it's only one chapter ahead of TWCS here, at least I have ONE burning question answered, lol.
Poor Edward. If only she could hug him.....

Charmain said...

Please update soon?????

alba dolores gutierrez said...

omfg!!!!!!!!!!!! i never saw that coming, You know whjat came into my mind, the picture, thepicture Isabella saw ,him and the baby ,him smiling and happy, i can only imagine what he felt when he knew, fuckkkk poor Roughie, poor bella to but omg i don't even know what the hell, but you'r great Jada, please update soon??

Lovie said...

Jada, please don't abandon this story!!! This is the only story I still follow in this fandom. Please don't abandon us!!!

foufymaus said...

More?

wig4usc said...

I don't know if I can read any more WIP's, it hurts too much to wait. And wait. Please, put me out of my misery! LOL!

I do hope you'll pick this back up, its a good story, its waiting to be told.

sony said...

Hola
soy nueva en tu blog me lo recomendó Lullaby, y me encanto tu fic.
pero me quede enganchada con el, y parece que ya no lo quieres terminar.
porfa ya parece que le falta poco. no lo dejes asi te lo suplico. apiádate de nosotras y terminalo.
te mando un besos
bye

romycullen said...

Please please keep writing, I loved this!!!!

BookWorm said...

I LOVE this story, have been reading it from the beginning... But never commented :P It is beautiful, and I hope you will post a new chapter, and finish it! Every week I go to you'r blog to check if you have posted a new chapter... even if it takes forever I will still be waiting.

Your ecstremly paicent reader Sandra :)

karen.follett said...

I think that after 6 months without any update, loyalty starts to wane. Just sayin!

Jadalulu said...

Hi, karen.follett!!!!!

*guides you to the exit*

Just sayin!

karen.follett said...

Bye Bye

Jadalulu said...

Peace out, homie!

saraamin said...

Jada dear when is the next update? Miss you :)

honeycrunch said...

Dear Jada,

Please please please - will you have an update soon? I'm dying - I have been checking on this story EVERY SINGLE DAY since your last post in April. Please continue this story - is it still your baby?
Love, Sabine from Germany

Kim Landry said...

I have been reading fan fiction for at least a couple of years now and this is the first time I write to an author. I really think your writing is deep and lush, full of emotion and very descriptive. You my dear are a wordsmith! Your characters envolve the reader and I can't wait for an update. I know I must be patient and your life is full and busy but I am officially begging. Please continue and finish this great story. I am praying for an update soon that will contain several chapters. I know, I'm pushing it but why not? It could happen! Wink wink. Thank you Jada for sharing your talent and imagination with your readers. Blessings on your path,
Alkimmie

marijee said...

Hi...I came across your story and have been reading it non stop. I was kind of freaked out in the beginning with Edward being such a cold bastard and Bella supporting herself and not making ends meet. As I read, I saw how flawed both of these characters are. I think Edward was right when he said he and Bella were alike. The people and things that happened to them in the past brought them to this moment in time.

I really liked how you pulled me into this story. Descriptive writing, complex characters and a heartbreaking story. I am rooting for these two to find their way out of hell.

Bella has been robbed of love from the very beginning. A cold mother and verbally abusive father. Finding Charlie hanging in his room...no child should have to see something like that...ugh!

Edward...loving a daughter that is not his. There is still a lot of mystery in Edward's past. His adoption...what happened between him and Esme...the whole estrangement. He's been hurt terribly too.

Both so broken. Both trying in their own way.

It looks like it's been a long time since you updated. I hope you continue to finish this story. It is well written and I would love to see how you finish this tale.

Thanks for writing!

Ren said...

I thought I lost this story for a while there, I am so glad that i've found it again.
The way that you write, I feel every word.
-Thank you

Lizde said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lizde said...

I really liked this chapter. It's good to see them making some sort of progress. The editor in me is having a little trouble with the timeline of the party she planned. It seemed like she met the clients, planned a party, and threw that party all in a couple of days during the week of Thanksgiving. Then, the day after the party, when she runs with Edward again she refers to yesterday's client meeting (which it wasn't - it was the actual party). I don't know why I'm hung up on that but I am. It might have worked better for me if the client meeting was at the very beginning of the chapter, that would have provided the sense of more time passing.

It's going to be interesting to see how she ends up opening up and talking about her past. I can't see her doing that if its coming from a place of weakness. The one time she did talk she had an advantage; Edward was in the middle of a panic attack. She's not one to wallow in self pity. The most logical way I can see it going down is if she was trying to explain to Edward that his treatment of her was no big deal because it's the way her life has always been.

Sadly, it seems like its a moot point. I'm getting the impression (given that there hasn't been an update since April) that you're not writing anymore. It's a shame, you're very talented and this is really one of the best fan fics out there. It would be nice to see how it ends, but I can also understand that life gets in the way and sometimes we just lose interest in hobbies and move on to other things. At any rate, it's a good story and a good chapter. I guess if this is all we're going to get, then I'm glad it's really good stuff.

Thanks,
Liza

Beth said...

Curious if you are planning on finishing this. I've heard great things about it and have been watching it for a while now. I really want to read it. Are you planning on finishing this or are you done?

Rachael1042 said...

Yay! I knew it. Okay, at first I thought she'd been kidnapped by her mother, but then I moved on to this. I guess in a way she was kidnapped though. Sad. And I may have fistbumped myself when I read this.
Finish when you're ready. I'd like to know what the hell Renee's problem is though. Does she hate Bella or what? Was Charlie Bella's real father? I love how self-reliant Bella is. She wouldn't have been this strong without her two douchey parents.
Thanks, chica!

Nifer said...

So good I read it again for the third time. This story plagues me. Can't wait for an update.

songirlsrequiem said...

All I want for Christmas is a little Roughie:) ... And I will feed Jada chocolates and field distractions while she writes.
Xo
Songirl

Deborah Daneliz Rivera said...

Is this story abandoned?
Are there any plans on finishing it?

Lucindy said...

Please continue the story - I'm intrigued and that doesn't happen often for me.

Lucindy